Am I wrong to want a divorce?

Long story (sort of) short - I caught my wife on a late night phone call with a guy from work. She denied it (said it was her sister), but I saw on her caller ID who it was. I then listened to her voice mails as she stood and watched - 3 in the last week from this guy, all flirty (';hey there, sexy,'; etc.). Then I saw a text message that said, ';your letter was amazing!'; I asked her about the letter, and she said it was a letter telling him they had to break it off. I asked to see it, and I was floored - she basically described their romance from when it first started (talking about how SHE initiated the flirtation, how ';aroused'; she got when she saw him, and how her passion for him was undeniable), and then at the end was a half-assed thing about how she loves her husband (me) and he loves her fiance, but how she longs to ';walk through the streets, hand in hand'; without having to feel like they're sneaking around.





I kicked her out of the house, and I'm meeting with a lawyer soon. She is extremely distraught (as am I) - she insists that they never slept together or even kissed, but I find that hard to believe (there was nothing in the letter that said either way). This ';emotional affair'; (giving her the benefit of the doubt, which she probably doesn't deserve) lasted 4 months. She admits it was wrong, and says she feels horrible about it.





We have been married 6 years, together for 11 (no kids). Until I found out about this, I thought we had a great marriage. All of our friends and family thought we were ';the perfect couple.'; So did I. She insists we can work through this, but I don't see how I can ever trust her again. We have worked through a lot of tough spots during our time together, but we've always agreed that infidelity is a deal-breaker. Like most people, I have had temptations, but I was NEVER unfaithful - my marriage was too important to me. I told her, ';you don't deserve to be married to me, and I don't deserve to spend the rest of my life with somebody I can't trust.';





I'm a mess from all of this, and my head is still swirling. I just want to know what other people think. Thank you.Am I wrong to want a divorce?
I can totally empathize with your pain and feeling of betrayal!


Emotional or sexual, the hurt and humiliation of your partners deceit is absolutely devastating!


It is very hard to forgive, and will certainly never be forgotten.


All you can do, is, live one day at a time, whether you will try to forgive and give your partner and marriage another chance - only you can decide.


Either way, it will be incredibly hard, even if your spouse proves her devotion to you every single day - there will be times, when it hits you over the head, overwhelms you - and you think you cannot bear it!


But you get stronger, and you can do it - one day at a time!Am I wrong to want a divorce?
Adultery is a just reason for a divorce. While you can try to forgive and keep the marriage going with lots of counseling, you have to both make the decision to either try and save it or end it.





Once trust is broken it very rarely can be mended to keep the marriage going.
I would want a divorce under those cicumstances, too.
No, your not wrong for wanting that, but you should sit down and figure out if all the good you had before this makes another shot worth it.
She has an itch you can't scratch, so she'll find somebody that can.
I'll put it you plain and simple:





When there is no trust, there is no relationship!
No sex? If so, she did show restraint. Give her another chance and focus your attention on her, give her a reason to write you letters and texts and not someone else. A marriage is worth a second chance, give her one.
I've known people have these ';fantasy affairs'; before, though it's usually with someone on the Internet and not in real life. This might not be what you want to hear, but there's a strong chance that your wife has been finding the marriage routine or pedestrian for some time. Rather than actively wanting to cheat, it's romance and excitement that people are after, when they go in for this sort of thing. Think about it. The voice mails, late night phone call and the letter sound more like teenagers than adults. If they had been having sex, I think there would have been some reference to it somewhere along the line. ';Walking through the streets hand in hand'; is more sugary than sexy ! I don't know what the guy's excuse is, though, since he's engaged and not even married. Maybe he was hoping it would get physical, but only he could tell you that.


So, what should you do about it? Well, maybe you should ask her why she felt the need to have this romance. You say you thought you both had a good marriage, which suggests that in the eleven years you've been together there's never been any suggestion of her cheating before. Could she feel taken for granted by you, perhaps (which often happens when couples have been together for a long time) ? Do you still call her ';sexy'; and plan little romantic surprises ? If you don't, then maybe this was why she got involved in a romance elsewhere - and the whole thing could be due to office flirtation getting a bit out of hand.


Whatever you decide to do about getting a divorce, I think you should at least have a talk about why all this happened. And - very important - you have to ask yourself if you still love your wife. If you do, then seeking a divorce could just be a way of getting revenge and neither of you would be happy with it. So at least clear the air before doing anything irrevocable.
Its sad for one and i am sorry to here this .But also i don't believe that they never did sleep with each other .If you love her really love her then u could work it out BUT she needs to come clean BIG TIME , show you the letters everyone and quite her job . You need to see a marriage counselor asap.Don't let her back in the house yet ,She needs to prove herself to you and she has along time ! But if its true love then yes i believe you can get through anything .To many ppl throw marriage out the window .She was wrong 500 % but if you believe in your heart u might be able to forgive her then try marriage counselor .but don't let her off hook and tell her she has to find another place to live ,another job until you feel in your heart that she is sorry .Take sometime to yourself , dont let ppl pn here tell you what to do .Do whats in your heart
She is a cheating, sorry sl*t. Haul all of her nasty belongings to a storage unit, pay it up for two months and sent her a registered letter telling her where her crap is with the key taped to the letter. Bring her 'cheating' confession to the lawyer with you. Close all your accounts you have together. Change your phone number. Change all your locks. Get a divorce and keep a laminated picture of her whore face inside your toilet so you can p*** on it every day.
Affairs are affairs; whether intercourse was involved or not.





From what you describe, she cheated on you; without question.





Does that have to mean divorce? No.





However, if she had come to you, come clean and begged your forgiveness that would go a lot farther than your discovering it, her lying, and then her making excuses for it when it was obvious there was no way to keep it from you.





Since you have no kids, my first instinct is to say kick her to the curb and divorce her. Save any emails, letters, etc you can find to keep from having to pay alimony (if they do that in your state) and also document all conversations while they are still fresh in your mind.





If she really wants to save your marriage and you're open to it then she needs to step up to the plate and earn you back. That means cutting off all contact with this guy (which probably means finding another job) going to therapy and really working to earn your trust.
Even though she never claims to have cheated, she was lying to you. You can try counseling, but it's all up to you and how you feel. I definitely wouldn't look down on you. She obviously wasn't taking your marriage seriously.
Here goes, El Guapo. I am assuming you are latin and the latins are not tarruos. I am going to give you a bit of my latin opinion and maybe that is the push you need to get going with your life and don't let anyone dictate how you feel and get you down.





Once a woman decides to proceed and pursue a relationship outside her marriage, its more than enough proof she does not love that man. Take it from the expert.





Get all your pieces together again, make believe you are humpy dumpty, grab a hold of your swirling head, put on your pants nice and tight at the belt, lift your head with dignity and make the choice to forgive and forget.





This woman even went as far as describing her emotions which I find totally gross, uncalled for and very trashy on her part. Can you really have any feelings for a woman like that other than wanting to throw up?





If you decide to stay with this woman, you are no better than her and you should change your name from El Guapo to El Cobarde. Good luck
You are doing the right thing. I know it hurts, I know you will feel rotten for a while but in a little while the pain will start to go and you will be in control of your life again.





It sadly means that you cannot trust her, and all the forgiveness in the world will not change her.





If you love somebody, you do not act like she has. Make choices to improve your life and get on with your life. Everything will work out in the end, with someone else eventually and she also will find someone else. Although I do not think she will change, even with somebody else.





What you told her was right on. Stick to your guns and your life will change for the better.





Been there done that!