Women who've been cheated on and stayed with their men to work it out, got a question?

So my husband and i have gone through some rough times recently and he strayed almost 3 months ago. We are in counseling, he still loves me and i him, he's making a real effort to save our marriage. But i had a question for the ladies about personal feelings they had in the after math of an infidelity in their marriage. I love my husband and while the pain gets a little easier to deal with each day there are other things popping up that bother me about myself. For instance i know that cheating on my husband won't make us even, it won't help anything, and 2 wrongs don't make a right. But its all i think about some days, i find myself fantasizing about guys at the gym, co-workers, and just random guys i meet. I plan out in my head how easy it would be to cheat and never tell my husband, and the scary part is that i don't think i would feel guilty if i cheated. What bothers me the most ladies is that i don't want to cheat for revenge, the biggest reason is i just want a new body to touch, a new pair of hands, a new voice, i just want something different for a change. I feel like if my husband got to taste test a new flavor and come back to me and keep the marriage, i want to do the same. Will these feelings pass, i'm not acting on anything of course but the feelings make me feel like sh*t quite frankly. I know in my heart i love him, and i know i can look past the infidelity, but why do i keep having so many lustful thoughts about other men. I find myself fantaszing while we have sex about other guys all the time. I just wondered if any other wronged wives had the same thoughts or issues. Please only answer if your a wife in a similiar situation, i don't need to hear about how i should leave him and blah,blah,blah. I've made my desicion and i'm sticking by him. I just need to know if my feelings are normal for a woman in my situation?Women who've been cheated on and stayed with their men to work it out, got a question?
When I saw your question I felt like I could really relate to you. I am in the same situation and I have also had many thoughts about cheating on him. I somewhat feel that it would be easier to get over the fact that he cheated if I did too. I am bitter that he was able to go out and be with someone else and I am just suppose to forgive just like that. I too know that 2 wrongs don't make a right but I don't think I would feel guilty, plus I wouldn't be able to get mad at him because I did the same. I guess if everytime I thought about it, all I could say to myself is ';hey you did it too so don't get mad!'; I always told myself that if you can imagine cheating on you spouse then you shouldn't be married but I guess when it happens to you, its always more difficult to handle. Just remember that what ever you do, you'll always have to live with it and you may not feel guilty now but maybe later when you're not mad anymore you will. Its a low blow when you're cheated on because you question yourself and just assume something is wrong with you because they felt the need to be with another woman and that is not usually the case but maybe deep down you will feel better about yourself, like you still got it, if you were with another man...if that makes any sense.Women who've been cheated on and stayed with their men to work it out, got a question?
Okay, I am going to get seriously honest...A little over a year ago, my boyfriend of 12 years cheated on me with three different women!!!! I found out about it and the pain I felt was intense. We stayed together and went to counseling etc...I had the same feelings you are having. The only difference is I acted on them. I slept with three other men. I know that sounds terrible, but I just felt like I needed revenge. And honestly, now that I did that I feel WAY better about the situation. Sorry if its not what you want to hear but thats the way it was for me. As for your question though, those feelings are normal. You will be better off NOT doing what I did if you can stand it...I obviously couldnt.
Those feelings are not going to just pass as long as you are fantasizing are playing with another guy. You are starting to obsess about having a fling and trying to justify it to yourself. You say that you wouldn't do it for revenge, but I can guarantee you that revenge would be the result. It is scary that you don't believe you would feel guilty if you cheated on your husband. That's one of those factors that's pushing you in the wrong direction.





I'm just curious here. Have you truly gotten pissed off at your husband yet for him fling? If you haven't, my guess here is that you are burying the anger and it's turning into these fantasies about fooling around with other men. I would never advocate for you to leave him, but keep in mind when you stated that he ';got to come back to me and keep the marriage,'; that was YOUR choice. If you think that being nice to him about this gives you permission to behave as badly as he did, guess again.





And yes, I have been cheated on in a few prior relationships (although not my marriage). I wish you well in working this out with your husband. You can be successful together if you both do the work.
When I found out my ex was cheating I so wanted to get him back, and it wasn't for the lack of offers that I didn't, even though I thought a few were pretty nice guys. The mere thought of doing the same thing made me ill. Every woman I know has a fantasy about someone else, be it a film star or the bloody mailman, but I suggest you keep it at that, if for no other reason you say you still love him.


As it stands mine did it again and that was game over for me, and now I'm glad I don't have that on my conscience as it gave me peace to know I tried my best.


Your feelings are natural, but I suggest you are finished before going ahead with this, because if you work it out after it will leave you feeling just as bad.