Can Wife Visit Her Family Far Too Often?

My wife, I should say, my fiance and I have been together for 17 months. This will be our third marriage for each of us. She has a house. I have a house. She lives with me and we rent hers to others. She is 56 and I am 48. She has two children; one 35 and one 33. I have no children. We even hae the identical same birthday! Now, here is my problem.





She has a large family. 10 brothers and 3 sisters. Her Mom is still alive and is 93. There are 114 hildren, grandchildren, and great grandchildren now. The majority of her family is four hours away. Since we met, she herniated a disc in her back and had it removed. She was in pain for the first 6 months, had 30 days of relief, and has been in pain since. The PT is not helping. During this time, she is constantly going off to visit her family. Her Mom's health is failing. The Mom expects the girls to handle anything to do with her. The boys are not required to do ';women's work'; of taking care of others. The first time she left was for a week. Then she left for two weeks. Then she left for six weeks. Finally, I had to step in and insist the family put her in a home. Since her sister travels with her job and vacation, my fiance is immediately rushing to be there for her Mom to visit her so her Mom doesn't feel lonely and abandoned. She is now in a nursing home. She is gone once again as I write this for another five days.





While she is gone, she hooks up with all her old friends. She sends dozens of texts and makes dozens of calls every day to be a part of everybody's world. When she finally comes home, she is exhausted and in even more pain.





This has also taken its toll on our sex life. Three times in the past 5 months. I cannot help but question her whereabouts and what the heck is going on. She says I am sick in the head and too jealous of her. Nobody has the right to keep her from her family. I am too jealous. Anybody that keeps track of how many calls, or where she is, or how many times they have sex has the problem....not her. Nobody is going to keep her from her family. If I can't deal with it, then I need to move on.





I have told her repeatedly it is time for her to be with her soon to be husband. I have told her that she has had her entire life to be with her Mom and her family, and she has spent literally no time with me. My parents are deceased and I have no relatives left except far away cousins. So no one for me to go visit. I should probably add that while we were dating, I caught her texting and calling and talking with 18 other men. No meetings with them that I know of, she just had to be involved in their world each and every day. I cited her for emotional infidelity and she and her family have labeled me a freak show for it.





This is not right. Sure, she does invite me to go. I have gone. It is boring. She is fast asleep around 9 pm. When she goes on her own, she stays out of touch for many, many hours but I get yelled at if my phone is turned off.





What the heck is going on here? If I even mention any of it, she just goes off on me that I'm too insecure and jealous. If I mention the sex problem, she says the side effects of her medication has annihilated her sex drive or she is just plain too exhausted. I'm pretty much disgusted with the sex also when it does happen because it's all about her and not much about me if you know what I mean.





I'm ready to walk out at this point.Can Wife Visit Her Family Far Too Often?
sit back and chill, take a cup of coffee and just relax and talk to husband to wife, best friends not two people upset with the family and the world. one step at a time and keep it simple and low keyed. it will work out with time and conversations together, both sides heard.Can Wife Visit Her Family Far Too Often?
From what it sounds like, her mother is on the brink of death, at least to your future wife. She sounds like shes incredibly close with her and doesn't want to miss an oppotunity to spend time with her mother. I believe she sees it as her mother has a short amount of time left while you two will have a the rest of your lives together.





Shes more than likely trying to relieve stress by catching up with old friends and gossiping. From the way its sounds, you're not terribly supportive of her choices and it more than likely hurts her feelings. Shes trying desprately to escape the pain and stress by doing something that relaxes her.





And if shes in so much pain, is sex really something you should be concerned with? Its very physically exerting on a person, and not to mention, sex does not make a relationship %26lt;3
Dude, I'm 52 and I can tell you that it ain't worth the headache. At 48, you ought to be hittin' a 35 yr old. Your fiance has WAY too much baggage.





I'm not trying to be cold bro, just realistic. Her family will ALWAYS come first, while you remain in the back seat. You said it yourself, that you're labled as a freak show. Get the hell out while your a$$ is still intact. And I can promise you this, it WILL get worse if you get married.
it seems that your wife forgot that she has a husband. you should tell that to her that she is neglecting her duty as a wife/fiancee whatever. a little time with family and friends is okay but it's really distressing when she spend a lot with them. i suggest that both of you should talk heart-to-heart, seroiusly and come up a solution that both of you would agree for. it seems he doesn't need a husband anymore.
I think you need to seriously consider whether you should go ahead and marry.





Every paragraph gives another reason why you are totally incompatable.





She is not some young girl who will change. Her family and friends are very important to her and will continue to be so after you marry, if you are finding this hard to accept now it can only get worse when you are married.
To be honest, it doesn't sound like she is fully invested in the relationship. She has even said that if you can't deal with it, then move on. That alone shows that she probably doesn't think the same of you as you do of her.





Then again, if her mother is sick then chances are she's just wanting to get as much time in as she can, which is understandable.





If she can't see your point of view when you say that you just want to spend some quality time with her then I'd say it is time to move on. Talk to her, get all of her feelings into perspective and ensure she does the same for you.
well with the family question, uve gotta let her be with them. her mother is old, and will die soon. she has to be there fro her until she does though.. and about the going out with friends,etc. u need to sit down and talk to her. say yes, i am being insecure and jealous, but i need you to talk to me about this. dont accuse her of anything, just tell her how ur feeling.