My husband has been unfaithful, please someone I need advice on how to deal with this pain?

We've been married for 3 mostly happy years with a few fights etc but I thought that was normal. H ehas always adored me and I him.





He's been flirting on/off with some girl at his work but has always reassured me its ';innocent';. I caught him texting her and speaking to her on Facebook, I asked him not to and he said ok but then always went and did it again.





I overheard a conversation between them yesterday where he told her ';you drive me crazy, I'm crazy about you.'; I went mad at him and at first he was apologetic but then defensive and hostile to me. He refuses to remove himself from the situation or do anything to set my mind at rest. He has told me he still loves me a little but nothing compared with how he used to love me.





He left me yesterday and told me he is in love with her, but she feels nothing for him and is happily married herself, He is not prepared to quit his job or get a transfer or do anything I ask. He says nothing has happened between them (yet) and says he is controlling the situation at work, but REFUSES point blank to quit his job, or get a transfer to a different department or do ANYTHING to set my mind at rest, because he ';doesnt love or respect me enough.'; He gets angry when I get upset about it and threaten to tell her hunsband, as ';she hasn't done anything, don't drag them into this.';





I spoke to him this morning and when I started crying and begging him to come back and make things work with me he got irritated and told me to ';shut up you stupid *****';.


I'm at my mum's and I wanted to kill myself yesterday when he left. I begged him and cried but he packed his bags and went. I'm sitting here needing him still, wanting to die, missing him, angry at him, reminiscing about old times and its torture. Does anyone have any advice on how to overcome infidelity. Right now I feel like I can't go on without him, even though he's been a scumbag. I just want him back how he used to be, so loving and loyal, and am so scared of being alone, even though my friends and family say i deserve better and will find better, I dont want it, I want him. I can't see anyway out of this pain.


Every time I close my eyes I replay that conversation I heard him having with her. I hear what he said. I can't stand it.


Please help someone.My husband has been unfaithful, please someone I need advice on how to deal with this pain?
OMG..how horrible. I really feel for you so much. God he is an a.s.s.hole!!! I am sooooooo sorry for your pain. There is nothing I can say I don't think but I will try.





You def CAN go on without him hon...I know it doesn't seem that way right now..and I completely understand. I just got out of a very painful situation with someon I was dating. I cannot understand the depth of yours as you are married to this man, but I know how it feels to be rejected by someone you care about and then in turn, feeling like you cannot go on without them and you can't take the pain.





I say use the anger to push your way through this. Look at how he had treated you..and for someone he says doesn't even want him! How pathetic is he? Of course, he is probably lying..but even if he is not..he is an idiot. How dare he says the things he's said to you!! I wanna punch him in the face for you! Surround yourself continually with your friends and family who love you and have your best interests at heart and who will build you up in this painful time.





You CAN get through this. Please do not think of ending your life b/c of him. If this was your friend..you know you would tell her a man is not worth her killing herself over. I know no one is really capable of comforting you right now..I know how it is..believe me..and that's why I can say ..you WILL get through this! You WILL! Keep telling yourself that. Tell yourself you are a good person and did not deserve this and you WILL get through it and HE lost out! Not you! HE did! Look at how he is acting! And also...I'm telling you..I have seen it a million times..he is an idiot and will end up coming back after the thrill is gone over this other woman. It almost never fails.





Hopefully, you will have moved on by then and tell him where to go! I wish you the best in this and pray that you feel better and your pain is healed. I'm so sorry this is happening. You deserve so much more.My husband has been unfaithful, please someone I need advice on how to deal with this pain?
Is this Valentina?
If my husband were to EVER profess his love for some other woman, I'd be GONE.





Nothing else needs to be said.
listen to kitty_sky09


he'll come running back to you
Please change that name.........sounds like a hoe's name
First of all, let yourself experience these emotions. You've been betrayed. You can't ignore the fact that you really are suffering here.





Kick. Scream. Yell. Do whatever you need to get out that stress and anger. It's okay.





Once you're ready, get into the zone. Change the locks - clear our your bank account if you shared one with him. Get rid of the photos.





When you're ready, talk to him. Don't beg him to come back. Sit down with him and make him listen to what he has done to you. Explain how much YOU have give to this relationship. Explain what he has done to you. If he insults you, stop him. Explain to him that you aren't resorting to his childish ways. You deserve to be heard.





Next, don't be scared of being alone. I know it's hard, but this sort of attitude will get you into a LOT of trouble in the future because you'll be driven by fear to be in a relationship, not because you necessarily want to be in the relationship.





Right now - don't worry about the future. Right now you just need to acknowledge that you're angry, confused and stressed.
My heart goes out to you. First of all there are two people at fault here, and one of them isn'tt you. Working in an office environment with the opposite sex can be very tempting. You husband is weak. He submitted to temptation. It happens every day. A little flirt here, a wink there, a touch by another can all lead to an affair. The other woman is just as much at fault as your husband. If she is married, then she is cheating on her husband. He should know about it. Itisn't't fair to him either. He will be in the same shape you are when he finds out. But your both better off. You should tell him. Its not called getting even, its called the right thing to do. Get on with your life. Your parents can see to your needs for awhile. Good luck.
this is horrible, heartbreaking, and unfaithful.


As he said he was in love with her, that should have crossed the line. That would break my heart. I would never be able to just leave while someone, standing there completly heartbroken, was begging me not to. Your mother and father and friends can help you through this. Ask them for help, and if your unfaithful husband is not willing to at least try and fix it with you, he is not worth it. It is easier written then done to get through this. You seem loving and loyal, and the way he is treating you is unacceptable and you deserve better. What he said to you when you were trying to get things to work out was horrible and unnaceptable. HE was cheating (or at least trying to) on you, and that's wrong. I believe it is normal to have fights with someone sometimes, but when a person goes this far, I can't believe it. I can't believe a person would be like this.


I am sure your friends and family members will help you through this. Tell them how your feeling. You can tell them long stories and ask for their opinions. I'm sure they will listen and understand.


I feel really bad for you, but i'm sure you will find someone faithful and loving one day. Best of luck, take care.


:)
You have to make yourself see that it can NEVER go back to what yoiu had. A line has been crossed, and you need to step over it and walk away. It's quite pathetic for you to still want someone who treated you this way, now stand up tall, be strong, and go see a lawyer.





You have a good future ahead of you, but only if you get HIM out of it!
You need to build up your self-respect. Yes, what I am telling you is that you need to know and believe that you can go on with life without him. This sort of dependency that you profess will do you great harm. You must start to believe in yourself and know deep inside of you that you will succeed in life without him.





Check out my source for more info on creating a workable relationship.
The one piece of advice my mom gave me was ';never to depend on a man for anything';. You don't need him in your life-look at how he doesn't respect you %26amp; how he treats you! You need to move on, even though I know you are hurting so bad-but please don't let him affect you like this-it's not worth it! Please don't take him back-move on because there are thousands of men out there in the world who will treat you better %26amp; never cheat on you!
Wow.. Darling, you need to set up an appointment TODAY to talk to a professional.





I have been through this hurt. I heard the same conversation on the phone too. Probably the worst part is, him being so mean to you on top of this. Hes telling you loud and clear that he's done.





It's hard when you feel this lose, but you will be fine. You have your OWN life to live, you didn't exist cause of him. Take it sec by sec if you have to, and go talk to someone. The pain will get better. You don't want someone in your life that will do this to you...... This is one of those hard lessons that you are going through right now, and you will grow from it.
DO NOT BEG HIM. As long as you let him think that you will take him back, he will continue to have the affair. Let him know that you still love him but if things have not changed within one week that you will file for divorce and move on with your life. By doing this , you will see if he's scared of losing you or if he simply doesn't care. Either way you will be fine. Next time he threats to call the woman's husband, hand him the phone. He is not going to call him, but you should.
No, hon, you for sure don't want him back. He's not the guy you married.





Who he was then, and what he is now, aren't the same. (Or your raadar wasn't on, and who he is isn't at all the image of him that your formed. Either way, you have been deceived.)





Just as an FYI, only 20% of marriages with betrayal last 2 years, and that is with both in counseling, and both hoping to save it.





Marriages are Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust, the four biggies. The trust is gone with the passion getting shared, and there is no one on this planet who admires nor respects a cheater.





Get some help in counseling, and get on with your life. (And when you tell me how you would plan to get over the eeewwww factor, please write. I've never been able to get any client really over that one. Those who have remained in these relationships have done so because


1. Children


2. Money and status were more important that any marriage.)
I know you're not going to want to hear this. But having a threesome with your husband is your way to get through this.
You mention you are scared to be alone, but you have been alone for quite some time. Your husband has been gone from the marriage emotionally. He is not going to change unless he wants to. You can not fix him. My question to you is why do you want him back? Is it really him you want back or is it you don't want to be unmarried and alone? Trust is the core of any relationship and you do not have that. He is not going to go back to the way it used to be. True love is honest and kind. You don't have that with this man. You have to mourn a broken relationship just like a death. It is a death. Yes you will get through this my dear friend. Through all this pain something wonderful will happen for you. Good luck
Valerie X hit it on the head! The only way that you will be able to do this successfully is to wean yourself off of him and realize that yes, you will always love him, but LOVE YOURSELF MORE!





Yeah, it's hard as hell to do this, but you can....more importantly, please make sure that your outside does not reflect your inside. Make sure that you look good as you heal. This is the #1 thing that women tend to do in a infidelity break up: they let themselves go/get run down.





Lastly, give yourself time to FEEL the emotions every day but DON'T SIT AROUND WALLOWING ALL DAY EVERY DAY...make sure that in addition to work you are doing other things (hobbies, etc.)....





DON'T BE A FOOL FOR HIM....PLEASE...





(especially if he tries to come back...because a lot of them do...YOU ARE NOT A DOORMAT...REMEMBER THIS)





Big hugs...and good luck to you....
First off no man is worth ending your life over, especially this loser so get that thought out of your head. And men only enhance your life and you made the mistake of making this creep your life. I know you're heart broken but you have to get over it, it's just that simple, life does not stop when you get heart broken, the world still spins. He's going on with his life and you should do the same. The first step is to file for divorce, to get this loser completely out of your life so you can meet a real man who loves and respects and cares for you. And I know you're in pain and that's fine have a little cry here and there to get it all out, but you've got to pick yourself up at some point and continue to live. He's going on about his life having a ball, now it's your turn. I hope, well I know you're going to be okay, don't empower this jerk in giving him the satisfaction of him breaking you're heart by crying over him, wipe those tears girl and say to yourself, it ain't that serious, I'm over him and will find myself an all true man. Take care.
I sincerely feel sorry for you. I did the same to my wife. She smacked the living hell out of me, I did not resist, as a matter of fact I deserved it. I finally left the other, because I had no right to hurt her. This incident was over a few years ago. My wife confronted the other person, and punched her out. Anyone who could love a low life like myself deserves my love and respect. I am quite happy being home, and with my Queen, my life, my wife.
Please be clam first. If you consider that your husband worth to your love, you should compose yourself first and do the next step with concious action. Begging and crying is definitely not good for this situation. You can review some good trick to save your marriage from the link below. I hope it will help. Good Luck!
So you love him and want him back. I'll tell you just the thing to do.


Get yourself a makeover, get slimmer and more attractive. Then start flirting around better looking boys and his friends. Ignore him. Get high in demand and show (not too much) how you dont need him anymore. Get friends to help you and if you dont have any then make some. Go out with them while being the most confident and fun..like a leader. Dont behave like a show off and too much like a leader with your friends. Just mix with them and act like your very close to them. Act cool. Let him see you get high in demand. Have fun and enjoy life (atleast pretend). He might start to like you again. Get a boyfrined and have a relationship like of a 12 yr old has with her boyfriend. I mean dont makeout with him and kiss in the lips, just have fun. Let him bve your male friend and LET HIM KNOW that its only to make him jelous. Please dont use him...he will be heart broken (like you are)





Once he starts to like you again, he will flirt with you. Make eye contacts with him and let him know your noticing him but dont flirt with him. Stick to your temporary bf for a while until he falls in love with you again.


He will obvisously be single since he cant marry her as she is married. She must too be cheating on her husbad. Dont blackmail her. It will only show how desperte you are. You are suppose to act like you dont care about him any more.





Once he starts to like you again and you get back into your relationship, you should be the controller this time. You be the strong one.





Maybe after a while, you may not want him anymore....
they guy is a scumbag, get over it..divorce him and remain single for 12-18 motns b4 u even think of dating again...choose better...and dont beg..its ugly.
I know it hurts, but time heals. It does. He sounds very self centered and childish. It's his way or no way. Whatever. That is NOT how marriage is suppose to be.





You need to stop being so needy and ';available';. I'm telling you that that alone will make him stop and think. If you act like ';whatever';, he will have second thoughts about leaving. BUT....is that really the way you want to make him stay? By manipulation? Don't you think you deserve better?? I think you do. Call and make an appointment for a lawyer. You don't have to file for divorce but you should know your options just in case.





He isn't going to change. Even if he comes back, he will repeat this behavior.





Is that how you want to live?
Give him a surprise....divorce papers. You have to move on...he has zero respect for you....don't let him drag you down. It is going to be hard, but you need to do what's best for you. He is not the man you fell in love with. He doesn't care, he has his mistress, and you too. Something like this can give you self esteem issues, don't let him do this to you. Be strong...leave. Or you are asking for years of misery.
Of course you're hurt! Of course you're in pain! Now, the next step is to work up some righteous anger against this lying, cheating, insensitive bastard that you call a husband.





He cheated on you and he left you. He doesn't deserve your tears, he doesn't deserve YOU.





You will feel so much better when he is completely out of your life.
so sorry just an awful situation in time you will feel better but now your hurt and you just have to go thru it stay close to your friends and family they want whats best for you. sometimes it might take a seperation not a divorce its just to soon for him to realize that he screwed up and the grass is not greener on the otherside. and as long as nothing happened her hubby doesnt need to know it might of just been your hubby hitting on her? anyways neither here nor there just take a break go stay with family for a week or two and dont call him just live your life and think about yourself and do you want to continue this relationship with someone who did not honor his word (vows or marriage) will he go to counseling? can you forgive him? and so one no one is worth making you think you want to kill yourself thats for sure so dont even say that just step back for a moment and think whats best for me?
does the doormat in your house have your name on it, instead of 'welcome'?





my wife loves me as i love my wife.





but if i told her that i'm in love with someone else, she'd have me thrown out of the house in exactly 1.25 seconds, talking to an attorney by 5 seconds, and have a divorce paper waiting for me by the time i come home.





grow some balls.
first of all ( a really big hug )


im so sorry , i cant believe any1 has to feel that pain .


but no one can really help you hun you have to deal with these feelings .don't try contacting him or begging cos every time he declines its only making you feel worse .i do know its easier said than done . set your mind to a better place listen to music by woman strong woman who have been hurt and came out fighting you have to believe you can get over this time is a healer and there will be some1 better out there for you .





How about getting away time on holiday perhaps somewhere you can let you hair down and there will be nothing there to remind you of him . oh Bury all photos etc until you are strong enough to deal with them








http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C5YZVp0pmI
let me tell you something; you start loving you more you do not need him or any man to validate you. You are a beautiful person and it is his lost. i found out the hard way you can not make a man love you and if you have too you don't need him. let him go, because it will just continue to bring your self-esteem down trust me you will find your Mr. Right if he wants to be stupid let him but let him by himself.