Can I get your opinions about an area of marital infidelity?

Here is a type of marital infidelity you don't hear much about but it happened to my wife and several other married women I know. They meet a guy who is a womanizer and a user who wants to get into her pants but he hides that side from her and comes across as a really nice guy who just wants to be a friend. She totally falls for it and they become good friends. Then after a very long period of time, after they have been very close, he starts suggesting that they have sex. She, still thinking the best of him, thinks that he is just falling for her and politely turns him down but doesn't want to hurt his feelings. She really likes him, as a friend, and feels flattered that he is attracted to her. In fact, she thinks it is cute. She doesn't see it as a situation where she should be angry or upset with him. Then little by little, he starts pressuring her to have sex. It happens so subtly that, feeling almost as if he is some sort of a boyfriend, she weakens and gives in. Once it has started, she relates to him and seems to become comfortable so it continues even though she really didn't want it at first, still loves her husband and doesn't really want it now. It is as if she is brainwashed into feeling that she has to do it or lose him as a friend. It is also as if she feels controlled by him and feel so close to him that she can's justify making a big deal over it.





Has anyone experienced this and can anyone explain why this happens? All 5 or 6 girls that had this happen are really nice girls and they are the type that you would never expect to cheat. A couple that I am close to (not my wife) have told me that they can't understand how and why this happened. It is as if they got too close to the guy and it felt almost natural even though they knew it was wrong. They didn't want it but it seemed so natural that it was easier to just give in, than to fight it or get angry with the guy. One girl I know has even continued in her affair for over a year and she tells me that it is wrong and she wants to break it off but just can't find the words or way to do it. I know this girl well and she has no reason to lie to me.





I was burned by this and I want to understand it.Can I get your opinions about an area of marital infidelity?
Regardless of what the justifications are...





1- this man started an emotional affair with these women. Because he was slow to reveal his intentions, he allayed their fears and intuition by pretending to really enjoy their company and friendship.





2 - these women crossed the line engaging in an emotional affair, but those are slippery. They erased and blitzed past the line when they chose to sleep with him- even with a husband/commitment... and continue to do so. This man played on their emotions to get them to open their legs... but he stroked their minds/emotions before he stroked them physically.





3- These women must have let it known they found this man attractive and part of them may have wanted to do it. I'm sorry but the chances of me sleeping with ';a friend'; without already wanting to... are just slim to none.





4- IF she wants to break it off, she has to be strong about it. Otherwise she risks getting caught.Can I get your opinions about an area of marital infidelity?
Even if the guy is 80???? Baloney
Oh please. She just plain and simple had sex and wants to pretty it up as though it was the guy's smooth talking that caused her legs to open and his penis to accidentally fall into her vagina, repeatedly. Jeez.
You must love your wife a lot to buy this crap. Sorry, friend, she made some really inappropriate choices... and they were CHOICES. 100% hers, Unless she is under 16 years old, she knows what is and is not appropriate.





You are saying that her friendship to this man was more important to her than your marriage. I'm sure she feels ';brainwashed'; now. She new when she crossed the emotional line and she KNEW that sleeping with him means leaving you (at least in the moment, and that is a moment too long.) She KNEW it was wrong. sure she's sorry now. Was she sorry then? i don't think so.





You are buying that her need to be friends with this man was SO great that your marriage didn't matter and that was HIS fault? C'mon, guy! You're smarter than that.





I know that really hurts. I'm so sorry for that. But THINK about this. It makes no sense.
What I think it means is that the friendship feels seperate from the marriage and anything else. By slick the guy/friend is very flirtatous and attractive - probably can catch the eye of many woman - what he does is offer a great fun friendship full of laughs and stories full of compliments and attention. slowly the compliments cross the line in which he may hint that you are wonderful and if only...So your wife/the women probably got caught up in a situation where they felt almost removed from their present and it is almost like she is in her 20's again (which she has felt in a lonnnnnnnnnnng time - laughing compliments attention on her not on the kids) but feels confident that since she is not 20 that with all of her wisdom she can handle the situation - until she finds she is caught up - she still loves her family and wants to be with them but what he offers is almost like a drug where you crave it cause you miss it and it may have been a long time since anyone has given she attention. You understand that affairs have nothing to do with the partner the issue belongs to the person allowing some one lese in. hope it helps good luck - try to forgive her
You want to understand what? Your not exactly the sharpest pencil in the box or that your wife and her girl friends are a horny bunch and have a good story which they sold well. Fellow your wife is a hooker or a whore. You decide which.
Jesus!...





Women don't let anything happen UNLESS they want it. A man can scream and plead, jump and crawl...but, if she doesn't want it IT WON'T happen.





It is always their decision. Soooooo....she wanted to bang this guy, and so did the rest of them. That motherf#%ker has a pretty good modus operandi and those broads fell for it and in turn....you and those husbands fell for it too.





You know why that last girl still wants this guy? She doesn't find in her husband what she does find in this guy. She knows exactly what she's doing.





I really hope this is a joke.
Really nice, really EASY girls, Roger.


Sheesh,


No reason to lie? Gawd.


Are you serious? People do what they want. These women aren't under a spell. Dummy. Your wife was unfaithful. Hello. Women engage in casual coitus with strangers for many reasons. Read the book ';Why [American] Women Have Sex,'; by Cindy Meston and David Buss, it lists reasons for coitus. Very seldom is romantic inclination the reason for women. David and Cindy say American women do it to avoid boredom, achieve peace (stop the begging), bargain for chores, sympathy, or pity (usually with strangers), and as an inexpensive present.





No woman will agree because it tarnishes their ';I've got something special'; mystic. Yeah, half the people on the planet got the same plumbing, honey. She cheated on you and still laughs at you.
I do know what it's like to fall into a deep intimate friendship with a guy who has an ulterior motive that is not revealed until long after an emotional attachment has been formed.


HOWEVER ... that is not an excuse to suspend all moral conscience and just ';go with the flow'; and have sex with another man when you are married, just because that man is a guy friend who wants to have sex with you. It isn't an inevitable progression of a friendship, and it isn't cute.


The married women you have spoken to on this issue were utterly spineless if they allowed this to happen. It wasn't brainwashing. It was a deliberate choice that they made. It is ridiculous to suggest that they had lost all control. They knew what they were doing. They wanted it. And now they are trying to excuse it away as being something outside their control. It wasn't. Not wanting to hurt the other man's feelings by saying ';no'; isn't a justification to cheat! It makes no sense to suggest that this man's feelings were paramount so they gave in and had sex with him, with no regard for the feelings of their husbands!


I am so sorry that this happened to you and that your wife cheated on you. There is nothing to be gained, though, by trying to belittle her role in it. She did cheat and it was her choice to do so. The fact that there was an emotional component to the relationship really doesn't sweeten the fact that she had sex with another man while married to you. I do hope you are not enabling her to escape the guilt by manufacturing excuses.
There is NO excuse to just plain cheat on your husband. How any man could ';pull this'; on a woman is absolutely impossible. She either wanted to cheat or she didn't. I NEVER EVER heard of such a story as this before. All they had to do was just plain not see this guy any longer %26amp; it would be taken care of. IF they didn't want it, nothing was stopping them from doing anything. And the girl who is fool enuf to keep this going after a yr. can't just say no, OR just plain NOT see him anymore. Just as simple as that! How could it ';feel natural'; to cheat on your spouse?! WHY WHY did these females even stay friends w/this ';person'; is what I'd love to know?! There was totally NOTHING to keep them ';bound'; to him. There is a LOT of lying going on, plain %26amp; simple as that. Don't believe a word of what they are saying. They did it because they WANTED to do it, OR they would NOT have gone anywhere near this man. Plain %26amp; simple as that, %26amp; THAT IS the truth...Best to you...:)
The problem is that the 'give in'. Anyone can be as friendly as they want. They can share thoughts and feelings. Once the subject of having sex together enters the communication, it's most certainly the fault of the married person who 'goes along with it'.





I think what you're experiencing is the cheater's rationalization. ';He was my friend.'; ';He was so nice.'; Blah, Blah, excuse, excuse, sex happened. People just don't like coming out and admitting they cheat. They like to find ';reasons'; to make it seem less cheatlike, and more innocent.





The truth is... they're just cheaters.