What is easier....death of a spouse or divorce?

Would it be easier for you to go through a divorce where you were hurt immensely by infidelity? Or would it be easier for you to go through your spouse perishing? If you had to pick one to lose your spouse by...which one would it be...death or divorce because of infidelity? I actually was not surprised to see how a lot of studies show that death of a spouse is easier to handle then a bad and painful divorce. for me, I was very hurt so I pick that betrayal would be harder to deal with...at times I felt like I would rather see my mother die again ten more times then go through another day of my divorce. That's how bad it was for me...how about you? Which do you think would be easier?What is easier....death of a spouse or divorce?
Hello Javi,





I happen to have been through both. The pain of my first divorce has long since been forgotten but the death of my second husband haunts me still. I got even with the first guy by falling in love again but the guilt of wishing my second husband dead, I just can't get over because I did not get even.





But I am a woman and there is an emotional difference between men and women when it comes to infidelity. Perhaps it is simply social conditioning making it okay for a guy but not a woman, perhaps it is the nuture/nature theory, or perhaps I am just unique.





To be completely honest, infidelity no matter what happens to the spouse carries a significant amount of pain for many years. It isn't what the spouse does from this point forward, it is all about what you do to move past it. I let myself fall in love again and learned to trust again and again. I stopped focusing on the past and learned to look at today for what today is worth. I learned to hope.





Neither outcome, death or divorce is easier than the other. How many times have you allowed yourself to live through the infidelity and the resulting divorce? I bet it's a daily thing; I've been there. You don't have to live in the past divorce unless you create it over and over with memories which just brings on the pain. Think about today and plan for tomorrow where there is no infidelity, death or divorce... No, it is not easy but it is the best alternative providing a happier outcome.What is easier....death of a spouse or divorce?
I would have to ay divorce. I myself have never been divorced or had my spouse die, but my mother passed this last november and my step dad is still taking it so hard that he is on medication for depression and lost his job due to performance that he has had for over 10yrs. He's gone through the whole being drunk for months and sober again only because he's on medication.





Not only because I still want my mother with me, I think a divorce would have been easier on him.
I've been through both.





The death of a spouse you love dearly is different than the death of a spouse you wanted to kill anyway. Just as a divorce you don't want is different than one you do want. These are four very different scenarios that CANNOT be compared.





The loss of a spouse, when it's unexpected and unwanted is terribly tragic, regardless of whether they've died or not.
I am divorced, but it was a non-contested, friendly one. I think a difficult divorce would be harder than a death, just because of the length of time. If your partner died, you know he's gone and eventually get over it and carry on. But some divorces are so dragged out that you could be stressed for years over it. IMO
You are going to make it,Javi. You really don't want the mother of your children to die. Even if it is too late for you and her, maybe she will straighten up to be a good mother for your children and that is really, really important for our children to have both parents.
For me the infidelity would be easier to handle. In that situation you have closure, understand why your separating, and are much better off without the loser. Yes, it would hurt very much, but death doesn't compare. At least in my eyes.
Both happened to me I got divorce and my mother, my only sister and finally my dearest daughter. I can't describe the pain of lost someone beloved. I think if I can choose for it I choose get back my daughter and get divorce ten times.
I think death would be easier, the person is gone forever. But in divorce you know the person is still alive, living with someone else and happy without you. If you didn't want the divorce, I think it would be especially hard.
Divorce, It would be simple to divorce someone that cheated on me. It would be a choice i made and would want. A death is something i have no control over and something i would not want to happen.
Neither one is easy, but to me I say death is a lot easier, at least then you know its over with.


I have gone through both and know from experiences.


Good Luck and Best Wishes
I already answered this in depth when another person asked it.





Therefore my answer is short: death is easier.
Death..I dont know why. It just seems easier. my ex betrayed me and I couldn't bare the thought of going through that again. Id much rather die.
One is not easier than the other. You feel essentially the same way for different reasons. I know, I've been through both.
None of them are easy but a death is worse because you will not see that person again x
What's the difference?
i think i rather be divorce at least you still can be friends
Neither would be easy...
My father died before I was born. I never knew him. Never saw him, and I would do my one year divorce followed by years of custody battles one hundred times more if it meant I could spend one day with my father. My mother was 19 when she was widowed. They had been married for just over a year. It impacted every minute of her life since then. Losing someone you love is hard. Losing someone you love because they are dead is something that cannot be changed. If you truly love someone, and they cheat, you can get over that. You can even marry each other again. If not, in time, you begin to understand that just because you were betrayed doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you, and you move on. When you lose your husband, your soul mate because he dies, you never fill that hole. Many remarry, but your dead husband will always be in your heart.
i wished for my husband to die..


and he did...





divorce is much easier..


i know sometimes u may not feel like it..


and u wish terrible terrible things upon that person..


but believe me..


death is not better..even if u dont mourn for them..


u will mourn for their kids and their family


feeling my daughters pain was much worse than any pain i could have even been through
I've never had someone close to me die, but I have been through divorce and it is extremely painful. I've been divorced three years and I still feel like I have a ways to go to heal. I think death would be easier because it is more final. A divorce lingers and the person is always there. My ex almost died last Christmas and it didn't hit me as hard as when we divorced. That may sound mean, but it's the truth. My ex hurt me tremendously and the divorce just made it worse. But we are all strong and God made us to get through anything. I myself am now seeking therapy for my son and I. I still feel I have a lot of pent up issues that I need to work through.
I thought nothing could be more devastating than losing my mother to a slow and horrible sickness. I was wrong. Being betrayed by my husband was by far the most unbelievably painful thing I have ever endured.





There is no end. No closure. There is the wondering if he will call, if he might ever change his mind, WHY, what he is doing now? You can torture yourself over the questions and the unknowns. Just thinking of it reopens the wounds.





Death is not a choice (except suicide). A loved one doesn't intentionally choose die. To hurt you or turn their back on you. There may be abandonment, but it is not purposeful.





As I posted in my prev question, I think this quote by Patrick Carnes sums it up best: ';betrayal is the worst form of abandonment because it is deliberate and self-serving';.