Will my Marriage survive infidelity?

We have been Married for 14 years. I am a recovering alcoholic who went back to drinking after 12 years of sobriety. My wife never knew me when I drank and didn't know how to deal with it when I started. We were together 9 years sober and then I started drinking and continued until October of 2007. During the time I was drinking (April and May of 2007) she started seeing an old BF because he was offering her things I wasn't, like attention, emotional support, Etc. And yes, they did have sex. Well, I found out and the s### really hit the fan. She broke it off with him as soon as I found out and swore to commit to our Marriage and our 3 children. I understand how I contributed to the affair by not being there for her and only caring about the bottle. I have been sober now for the last 6 months and am trying hard to make our Marriage and family work. I am having a very hard time with forgiveness and trust. I also find it VERY hard to be intimate with her. Will our Marriage ever work againWill my Marriage survive infidelity?
I think your question should have been ';Will my Marriage survive Alcoholism?'; Just by the way you asked your question you are still deeply in your alcoholism. Even though you admit that your alcoholism was a root of the problem, you are still blaming your wife. Yes she did have an affair but your alcoholism took you away from her and your family. Unlike other people, giving answers on here, I'm not going to cut you any slack. How dare you blame her when you know what you as an alcoholic does. You know where you have been, what you had to overcome and then when you fell off the wagon and dragged your family down with your alcoholism you want to ask will it survive infidelity. Again the more appropriate answer is can it survice you and your alcoholism. You act as if you falling off the wagon was a minor slip. No, it was MAJOR, a life FELONY!!! You both need counseling but you need to accept full responsibility for what YOUR actions have caused! What did you expect? For her to just remain at home while you go on a 2 month bender? Now you see what can happen when you get comfortable thinking that you are a recovered alcoholic and not a recovering alcoholic.Will my Marriage survive infidelity?
If you want it to surive than it will
You make it sound like you only went back on the drink for a few months, or was it more like a couple of years. It makes a difference, since she did not know you as a drunk and was not sure how to deal with you as a drunk. I imagine it too its toll on her and your children a lot. If she did wrong for April and May of 2007, it may have been just too much for her. She may have needed some emotional support from a man, or she may have just being letting your see what you could be loosing by continuing to drink. You say you are only sober six months now. Did it give you the shock that was needed?


As for somebody thinking that drink was not your mistress, they are wrong. It not only becomes your mistress, it becomes your lord and master. It controls you. She was in a hopeless position, it was something she could not compete against. I think she did the only thing she could do to get her husband back. Love her and thank her that she thinks you are worth it.
I think you need a Marriage Councillor. Myself, I doubt if your marriage can be saved, but at least you should try.


There seems to me to be too much hurt on both sides. Good Luck to you both. This is very sad
nope. once she cheats you have to end it. Anything other than that gives her free license to do it again. Be strong and good luck with the divorce.
Ditto with Raymond- yes alchoholsim is bad, but from the sound of it yours didnt rise to the level of it being your mistress. Why did you start drinking again?
Be Friends and Have Orgies this will make things Interesting.
Maybe you and I are too different... but if my wife cheated on me the marriage would be over... And I'd hire the meanest, most evil lawyer in the world to take her to the cleaners.





Your alcoholism is not an excuse for her infidelity... If she didn't like it, she should've worked with you to fix it, or end the relationship.
Im sorry to hear about this.


After something like that its normal to feel different about being intimate with her.


Plus the 'wound' is still fresh. If you really love her and think that it could work than it will.


Maybe sometime apart will be helpful. You probably need time to heal by yourself. Cause when you look at her all you will see is a constant reminder of what she did.
I had a similar expeience in my last marrige. I have to tell you that i like you tried to forgive and forget, and move on. I had good days, and bad days. I guess you see I couldnt make it work. It is going to be all about how bad you want it to work. It is just like your alcohol recovery. As in any relationship, it takes two to make one. You really need to be sure where she stands. Why mine failed,, is because she didn't stop. So then I felt more and more foolish each time. It hurt me deep. Its been 4 or 5 years now. I have some scars,, making deep relationships hard. Why because of trust. I wish you luck in what ever you do. Remeber this ,, you only have control over you. Do what you need to do for you. Feeling like a fool will only give you more reason to hit the bottle. So get counseling if that works for you. Just do what you have to do to make you feel better. Admitt it all around you, kids ,,family, jobs , all benfit when you are taking care of you. I wish you strength, and wisdom.
It sounds to me like she really wants it to work as much as you do. During the time before the affair, was she telling you that she needed more of you, and you wouldn't give it? More time, affection, love? Somehow, she had the opportunity to get with the ex-bf, he must have been filling the emotional void, but I will promise you that the sex probably wasn't what she wanted. It's always more emotional need when women have affairs, and the men usually want the sex. Women almost never stray just for the sake of sex. Stay with her, make it work, there is too much to lose. You're feeling insecure about her fidelity, but think, it's always a risk to trust someone, even if you divorce, there's never a guarantee that someone else won't break your heart. Make it work, each of you should write down what u love about each other %26amp; why you want to make it work. Really put it on paper %26amp; make a plan of how you can accomplish it together. Write down your feelings in a journal like a personal diary, this also can be very healing for you. If you love each other, forgive......it's hard but it will get easier and easier. Each of you should take responsibility for your wrongs %26amp; tell each other how bad you want your family to be together. Make it happen.
I don't understand why you are having a problem forgiving your wife, when it was you who put her in that position in the first place. She didn't really have a husband who was committed to her, she had a man who was committed to drink. Get over your petty intimate problems, or are you just using it as another excuse to go back to your other love, alcohol. It was your love before you met her, your ex.


What she did was wrong but understandable. What you did was wrong and selfish. You put yourself before you wife and family. It is you who should be begging her for forgiveness.


Now go to AA and take responsibility for YOUR actions. I know I sound harsh, but I am a child of an alcoholic father and I got fed up with the excuses they use to get out of taking responsibility for their action.
who cleans the toilets? who cooks food? there's your answer, recoverer. Are you an alcoholic or just a pig? My guess is the latter. I'll diss you because, unlike the rest of the sunflowers here, I don't care to bed you.
NO,
You may have a chance, if your wife commits to the marriage and you commit to staying sober. Apparently you both made a mistake, but you wont be just hurting your wife if you left, you would be hurting 4 people. Your children deserve their parents to give it a try, the harder you try, the easier it gets (give it time).
Can't change the things that already happened so put the past in the past and don't look back.Trust is one of the most important part of a relationship,and forgiveness think about it do you want her or not if you do forgive and forget(easier said than done I know) try dating again sounds stupid i know but give it a shot try new things, go to the spot where you met or the first date go there it could be fun.
Dump the broad, hit the gym and have a party with tons of horney women.
only if you want it to.
As you, most likely, already know the drill; you will only find solace and restoration with the intercession of the Holy Spirit. You are bound to your wife within a covenant with God called Holy Matrimony. You and she are the very weak links in this trinity. Pull on the 3rd cord together and in that mutual drive of love and understanding, you will have a good chance of restoring what you both destroyed.


You are doing something that is very, very difficult for our pride keeps us from sacrificing unto one another with no other assurance that it will happen again. Can you trust your wife as much as you trust her?


When you come out of this on the other side - know that your marriage will be indestructible for you have been to the bottom of the barrel (again) and no one, including yourselves, can force you to go there again.
...If your serious, NO!


yNOT?
Yes if you both really care about each other. As for her ex, you will have to try and get passed it and forgive her, just like she is going to have to get past you falling off the waggon and forgive you. Remember to her, alcohol was your mistress.


OK lets look at it a different way. What if your wife wrote to YA and said. My husband is an alcoholic, he has been for years and it is tearing our marriage apart. It is ruining the family and i cant bear to see how much it hurts the kids. Living with an alcoholic is very stressful. I have recently had the chance to make a better life for my self and my kids. I have me somebody who will be a loving husband and a great father to my children. What should i do.


I can guarantee you the answerer's she would get would be, Go for it, get out before your drunken husband ruins your life. Leave him, he is just a waste of space, you have to think of the kids, because you husband isn't.


That is the type replies/advice she would be getting.


So think about that when you find it hard to forgive her. She choose to stick by you when others would have left you in the gutter.
it can, really! I know it'll be hard but you can't belittle her, call her names, or bring it up everytime you fight. that'll only mke it worse. you have to commit to this, either make it work or cut ties. think long and hard about this it'll be the hardest thing you'll ever forgive her for. Good Luck!
No your marriage will not work.