How do I forgive my wife who cheated on me?

We've been married for 15 years now and 2 year ago, I found out that she had been cheating on me with her teacher. I sent her to a nursing school and found out ( and confirmed ) only after she had graduated. I confronted her and she denied it at first but she later admitted. I wanted to leave her then ( I get this feeling from time to time ) but I couldn't bear the pain of losing my kids. I don't know how I can every get over this. There are days that I'm OK but there are days that all I can think about is her infidelity and the pain it caused me. I know for sure that my life is not the same anymore. No matter how hard I try, I feel I am trapped forever. It would be easier I guess if she leaves us ( me and my kids) but I don't think that will happen. I went to counselling and therapy but at the end of the day, I know I have to let go of this pain and anger so I can be happy. When that will happen is a big question mark. I hope I am able to deal with pain for the sake of my kids.How do I forgive my wife who cheated on me?
My real answer...





I'm married. I love my husband to death. He is a great husband and father to my girls. He is a hard worker and excellent provider. Now with all of those things you would think that our marriage is wonderful. NOT!





I have never cheated on my husband. But I think about it constantly. I'm so bored with our sex life. Now that being said...Does it make me a horrible person to feel this way?





If your wife is still there, she loves you. I know that cheating is the worse thing someone can do but will you let that define your entire 15 years of marriage? I haven't cheated...but I understand. Now if she is someone who keeps doing this you do need to move on. But sounds like time has passed and you are just allowing the hurt to keep coming back. We are our thoughts. Stop letting your thoughts get the best of you. If you can't get over it then you really do need to move on. Because its not fair for you, your wife or your kids to stay in the relationship.





The fact that you say your wife would never leave you and your kids speaks volumes. I'm sure she regrets it. Move on.How do I forgive my wife who cheated on me?
Do not stay for the sake of the kids because they will pick up on your misery. If your not getting over it I doubt you ever will you need to be happy too. She did you wrong some find it easier to let the pain go for some they can't. Don't live your life for her you only get one shot in life. Leave if you think you would be happier and don't pay alimony she did you wrong.
Sorry you were hurt but life isn't always kind. People make mistakes. Moving on isn't the answwer because no one can promise you the next wife might not cheat. As for saying you are there only for the kids then that is a problem. You stay because you love your wife and don't want to leave her or you leave. The kids have nothing to do with the feelings for your wife.
Been in your shoes. You never get over it , the trust is gone. The foundation of the relationship destroyed. If you act out your hurt and anger , or if you just appear depressed and sad , either way is doing no service to the children. Honestly I have 4 children , and moving on from a 14 yr marriage was incredibly hard...but we all survived and are doing well, even the kids.
Well i'm only thirteen so i really dont know much about how to keep your kids but...you should really leave her. Even if it was only one time shes not worth it after all of the pain.





I'm really sorry to hear about this and i hope everything works out for you.
You don't ';lose'; your kids in a divorce. You just don't see them as often, unless you file for full custody and give her visitation.





I could never forget if my husband cheated on me. The trust would be completely gone forever.
You will NEVER get the images of your wife banging another man out of your head. NEVER! Do yourself a favor, call a good lawyer TODAY! Go for split custody! Being that she cheated and you put her through school, you may even get out of alimony!
Forgiveness is one thing. Trust isn't that easy. You have to be strong to forgive.





Forgiveness is a attribute of the strong not the weak~Ghandi
You are a loser and a punk if you saty with your wife. She is nothing but a ho. Remember that.
15 years is a long time to be married and to be cheated on. First you really need to evaluate why she cheated on you in the first place, and you have to forgive her, that is really not a choice. If you want to move on with your life and not forgive, then you will be stuck. You need to find out if she is still doing it. There is a reason why people cheat, men and women and you need to know the reason why, maybe she was not getting any attention from you. read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, that will help you guys a lot and pray too. Seriously, I tell that to a lot of people and prayer is the best thing to do
im so sorry 2 here that. i 2 am married an im just finding out that my husband was banging his ex girlfriend i found this out from her i ask him about it but of course he denied it at first then later began to tell me bits and pieces to tell the truth i 2 am still having a hard time trying to get over it all i can say is if u love her stick by her and make things work prayer is the key . i hope things get better 4 u.
That is rough! *sorry*





The first thing that needs to be said is this is the year 2008 and marriages don't always work the way that they should and they don't end up the way they used to in the past. BUT be aware that sometimes staying in an unhappy marriage is better then being happy outside the marriage. Children can take things a lot better than we all think and as long as you and your wife sit them down and let them know that this is not their fault then they will be able to deal with it better than you think. yes, they will have to share some time between parents but just make sure they are at home at each of your houses.





Another thing you may want to consider after this (if you choose divorce) is get the kids into a talk to a child counselor and you get some counseling as well. To help you trust again. She was wrong - not you or the kids!!!





~Good Luck~
The feeling will never go away. Often when the trust leaves the town it is really hard to get it back - especially in marriage with kids.





The most important thing is that IF you do decide to stay in your marriage try finding out the reason why this happened - nothing happens for no reason unless you wife is one of those heartless women who do not think of anyone but themselves - which I do not think this is the case since she did bring two children to this world so must have some sense of responsibility in herself.





Try talking to her (I don't this is painful for you) take the blame off your shoulders and shift the shame and guilt on hers without insulting her. Try to see what it is she is lacking and why she went to other man to fulfill that feeling? If she does not have a clear logical answer then really she is just one confused woman not knowing what she wants in life and will stab you from back more and more and this means you should end it with her with no dilemma.





But if she does give good reason why she did this and if you agree that you have done less that you were expected to do in your marriage then maybe you can work things out????
It happened to me. I have been through the death of my father and the infidelity and the pain is almost identical. You can recover from this but you both have to do your part. I was married 12 years and my husband cheated on my early in our marriage. I never recovered. I stopped loving him. I did everything for him to make him and myself happy again. I was not willing so I gave up. He cheated again in 2002, so I finally left him. I met a wonderful man in 2005 and we were married in 2006. I am so happily married now. I moved out of San Diego, CA and now I live in Orange County, CA. A tip for you. If you feel it is not going to work and you decide to divorce, yes it is going to hurt, but guess what? You will get over it in time. After a divorce, you will go through with-drawl symptoms kind of like a person letting go of a drug. That's normal. My advise to you, next time you find someone make sure she is in-love WITH YOU. She will treat you like a KING and within time your love will match hers. My first husband never loved me. I know that now.
Okay, you will never ';get-over'; it. You will simply learn to deal with the fact that your wife lead another life for a while that didn't include you. It hurts and will always pop into your head from time to time.





My husband left me for 6 months to be with another woman. We sold our house and my daughter and I had to rent a townhouse in another town. My life was turned upside down in those six months, but I chose to take him back and try again. It's only been a little less than a year since we've been back together and I get down from time to time. I'll see something or hear something that triggers a bad memory. What I do is focus on the fact that our marriage is better now than it was before. I focus on the fact that my daughter has both her parents whenever she wants them. I focus on the fact that I'm not alone. I focus on the things that keep my marriage healthy enough that neither of us want to stray. I focus on the reasons I married him to begin with.





Keep in mind that soooooo many more people cheat than people realize. You think you see a perfect marriage, and come to find out someone has cheated or is currently cheating. Just think, what if you never knew?? Would you have been happy with your wife all this time, probably!!??





I thought my parents' marriage was perfect, my dad cheated numerous times. I thought my friend's marriage was good and the husband cheated. I though my aunt was mrs catholic and she was bopping her boss for like 10 years and my uncle still doesn't know!!!!





I'm not saying that infidelity is okay, but it happens and you move on. People make mistakes in life and deserve to start over. Give her and yourself a break and start over.
I'm going through the same thing too. It happened 2 yrs ago and the pain still feels fresh. I try to blank it out but who I'm kidding it happened and i have to deal with it. I don't have any kids so you would think it would be easier but it doesn't make any difference. All i can say is that it is hard but i guess in time the pain should heal. and just so you know my biggest regret is taking him back!! I love him i do but it does change you, things haven't been the same since. Maybe one day ill have the courage to just get up and go tell then i feel as if I'm suffering. (heart) I wish you all the best. good luck and good bless
It's been 2 years, and it still brings you this agony.


You will live with this the rest of your life if you don't do something about it.


I know you love your kids, and I am assuming that if you have been married 15 years, they are probably over the age of 10 by now.


It's hard, but you will never be able to trust her, and all your efforts haven't fixed it at all.


What about her? What has she done to fix this?


Take a look at this situation, you feel trapped bacause she knows you aren't going to leave because of the kids. She had an affair, lied about it, got away with it, and you are the one going to therapy.


STOP BEING THIS WOMAN'S DOORMAT!!!


As painful as it is, you can't allow the kids to be the reason you have to go through life miserable.


Life is too short to go through it like that.


You will still be ';dad'; to the kids, but enough is enough.


Good luck.
Because of her infidelity your marriage has been defiled and your trust bond broken. In the eyes of God you are free to move on. You have decided to stay in the marriage for the sake of your children which is admirable, but what are you doing for yourself. She admitted to the affair but has she atoned for it? How is your relationship with her on a day to day basis now? Do you get that hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach everytime she's away for any length of time? You'e been to therapy, but apparently it didn't help. You may want to go again, you need to release your anger,fear, and hurt over this or you will never be able to function completely.
This is a tough question to answer. Your answer may not be appropriate for someone else. There is no definite ';you can'; or ';you cannot'; response, here. If you truly would like to forgive her, you might not be able to..It just depends on the circumstances, and your love. Does she truly love you? Do you believe that she regrets it, and are you able to accept it? I'm sure she has apologized, but do you believe she really means it? If you cannot really answer these questions then you probably will not be able to forgive her and move on. But heres the twist...From the sound of it, you've already forgiven her! The problem here is the classic ';I can forgive you, but I can never forget';. Sometimes not being able to forget it worse than not being able to forgive. Maybe both of you should go to counseling and see if theres a way for you to push it into the back of your mind, or maybe you won't be able to at all...In that case, it's up to you what to do. You can either move on with your own life, or you can stick together for your children's sake. That choice is yours.





Hope this helps.
OH HELL NO! Can I just say that my boyfriend is putting me thru nursing school now, and what a sacrifice he is making. I know how hard it is for him to be the sole bread winner right now while I spend hours on the books and school. That said you have obviously done tremendous amounts for this ';woman'; for her to **** in your face like that. I'm sorry, she is a whore, I have seen it in school before. Classmates get a little freedom and forget about those who are standing by them and supporting them. Sorry I just think that is beyond stank of her and you sound like a good guy who deserves more for yourself and your kids. For the sake of the kids put yourself in a happy healthy relationship with someone you can trust and respect. Good luck.
Your wife is only human and as humans we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are just bigger than others. Hers was a very big mistake. After all those years together though I think she deserves a second chance and you deserve to let yourself forgive and focus on the future. Right now your still living in the past instead of focusing on what the two of you have right now.