Question for Christian Wives please...sorry a bit long?

I have recently learned of my husbands infidelity. I am absolutely heartbroken of course. What makes things worse is that things were good before all this. We both really love each other and he feels like the biggest failure (putting it mildly) as a man ever. He doesn't want to recommit to me because he doesn't trust himself not to do it again, because he failed on his vows the first time and never ever thought he would.





I would forgive him.... except that he hasn't asked for it. He says he doesn't deserve it. Whats MORE is that he hasn't yet cut off communication with this other woman! (they were friends from a long time ago, long before I even knew my husband).. so he`s trying to deal with the loss of that friendship also. 2 days ago, I left him (distanced myself physically but still love him) because I refused to be with him when he still communicates with her. He was crushed and shocked....... but yet STILL hasn`t ceased communication (although he says he will do the right thing).





So now my question is..... has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and how did you handle it? I am trying to be as loving as possible, but its hard when you feel your the only one trying.Question for Christian Wives please...sorry a bit long?
I'm not a Christian Wife, but I still have an answer for you.





Times up for games and smoke tricks; talk to him directly, state your concerns and be honest. Drop the formalities, if he has messed up beyond repair tell him. If he hasn't, ask him if he is sorry for what he has done and find out what he'll do to avoid this mistake in the future.





Life isn't a fairy tale; if you don't ask, he won't tell.Question for Christian Wives please...sorry a bit long?
it is beautiful that you have been able to forgive him and that will help you to be Focus on what you want to do to save your marriage. The first thing is that you keep on talking to God about what is happening He is faithful enough to sort it out. It is a bit difficult but keep on been patience, no nagging, no argument keep on been nice and good and take good care of you self and kid. Take good care of you health God will put an end to the strange woman
He doesn't actually want your forgiveness because he wants to have his cake and eat it too! This way you are the one doing the leaving so it is now both your faults.Once a cheater always a cheater, christian or not! Good luck with it because it sounds like you're the one doing all the work and that will get old very soon.
I divorced my lying cheating Baptist Republican fake christian narcissistic (ex) husband. Even his own lawyer was disgusted by his lies. But that's just me. After 13 years I couldn't take his phoney life any longer. I was a pawn in his ';I'm a good guy'; game.


He sounds like he is actually getting you to feel sorry for him. Wow. See how that ';good guy'; stuff works?
Are you naive? Once a cheater always a cheater! Trying to deal with loss of a friendship... please- if he were my husband he'd be dealing with loss of something else, ala Lorena Bobbit! ;)
you are still with him when he did this to you and isnt even cutting off communication with this other women? divorce him bcuz even HE knows he will cheat again. have a backbone and leave him bcuz he will continue to hurt you the more u let it go on
I have been where you are.





I would suggest that you read the book by Dr. James Dobson ';Love Must Be Tough';





I suggest that you get yourself into counselling ASAP
get him nudered
Tell Tiger its over and move on
I've never been in that situation, but my opinion is to leave him.
First of all you have the right to be angry. You sound like you are begging for him to stay with you. Why would you want that if he is telling you he will cheat again. You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. He hasn't cut things off with this other woman because he doesn't want to!


I am sure he loves you with everything he has but he can't have it both ways. Set the grounds rules and then cut off contact with him. He will do what he wants in the end so don't wait around crying your heart out.
I haven't been in this situation before, but just wanted to tell you that I just said a heart-felt prayer on your behalf that your husband find his way back to you. I prayed that He help guides your husband back to you %26amp; that he realizes that he wants to be with you %26amp; forgets about that other gal. I've been told that I can pray for anyone I want, even if I've never met that person, so that's just what I did.


My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I pray that he comes to his senses %26amp; realizes that he needs to be with you. Take care. Roz
he has violated your marriage vows. divorce him and later you will meet a nice Christian man that will give you the love you deserve. If you look in the Bible Abraham had a mistress that Sarah had to tolerate and as soon as she had Issac, she threw Hagar out and reclaimed her husband. Abraham was a womanizer anyway. It is strange that old men's trousers are named out of an ancient biblical mistress. Hagar trousers. Send your husband's mistress an old pair of hagar trousers and tell her they are named in her honor. To be honest I am a Christian too and if I were in your situation I would throw a basket of your husbands dirty underwear and toss them in her face. the rest of his clothes can go to the Salvation Army, a good Christian organization!
Honey, he's told you he doesn't trust himself, AND he's still keeping in touch w/this person. You have every rite to distance yourself from him. He did you wrong %26amp; I would not be a bit surprised if he didn't do it again. Especially since he's still in touch w/her. I feel he too well knows this %26amp; this is why he doesn't trust himself. As long as they are continuing to communicate w/one another I don't feel you have a fair chance of saving your marriage. You do not have to be a ';door mat'; he's going to do nothing but wipe his feet on you so to speak. IF you could, I'd cut off all communication w/him as long as he has her upfront %26amp; in the picture. You've offered him forgiveness, he can't/won't even accept that from you. He knows in his heart he's just going to keep hurting you %26amp; continue doing the SAME things he's already done to you. I DO NOT feel the Lord would want you to keep hanging on to someone who is going to keep committing adultery against you, which is what he's doing against you. He HAS broken one of the ten commandments. From the sounds of it, he still may do it again. You said you would forgive him, BUT in all honesty could you still be able to trust him again! I think not %26amp; rite fully so. You deserve far better than this, I'd pray about it %26amp; put it in God's Hands. I feel he's already given you a ';sign';of what to do about this situation. IF he can't trust himself, then how can you fully trust him again. I believe things happen for reasons regardless if we know what they are or don't. I walked in your shoes before in my past. I KNOW how it feels to be cheated on time %26amp; time again. I just kept hanging in hoping things would change but they didn't, For 12 long yrs. I waited for a change %26amp; did NOT get it. I finally got to the point where I could not hang in any longer, I made the decision to let go. When I did, I felt like a ton of bricks rolled off my shoulders, I was finally FREE of ALL of it. FREE to go forward %26amp; start a new begging for myself %26amp; my life. You no doubt have just not met the rite person for you, but there IS a rite person out there for you. Someone who WILL love you as you deserve to be loved, someone who WILL be true to you. THIS IS what you deserve. Do NOt feel guilty for being true to yourself, for sticking up for yourself. I would give him the choice of either you or her. IF he chooses her OR says he cannot commit to you, then I would consider leaving him %26amp; having a chance of happiness for YOU...I DO wish you the best...:)
you are not the only one. Once a woman enticed my husband. The way I see it Men Have two brains and do not always use there best judgment when thinking with one of them. Temptation is a hard thing to beat. My husband came home crying, and asked for forgiveness even though the little episode ended abruptly. He could not continue through, because he could not get his mind off of me. I hate to say this but men are vulnerable. They will never understand a woman, even if they try to. Men can not handle temptation very well. Most men do not recognize when a woman is flirting with them or just being nice. It sounds to me though that this woman was a woman of his past, possibly one that he would of liked to have a future with before you came along. I think this woman knew this and took advantage of the situation even though she knew he was married. I would be angry with the other women for destroying what you two had. I am sure she knew he was married but did not care or consider anyone else's feelings but her own. She sounds like a very self centered woman, and very selfish. Your husband still communicates with her so obviously he is not ready to break all ties with her. If he truly loves you; then you should be the most important thing in his life. He should dump this woman like a hot potato, for coming in between his marriage. You should not expect him to to ask for forgiveness. Some men are truly sorry but do not know how to say it. He says he does not want to recommit because he does not trust himself. This tells me he obviously still loves and cares for this women. You left him and he was shocked because he did think you would ever leave. You are doing the right thing if he is not willing to drop his other friend; unless you are willing to deal with his infidelity as a part of your life. I know you love him dearly and it is very hard right now, but you need to stick to your guns know matter how hard it hurts. He needs to break all ties with this other woman first; until he can do this, you will never be happily married and be able to work through this. I hope for your; that you will be able to get through this trying time and be able to build your marriage back. Just remember it takes two to work things out, and you can't always have your cake and eat it to. God bless and I will keep you in my prayers.
this is what happened to me, i am a Christian, i found out earlier this year he had an affair last year, he is in the mideast then before he came home for Thanksgiving he saw her again.


he works security in the mideast, he said he never will again then i saw her email again and he left a c.d. here w/pics of her on it.


i am trying to forgive but everybody thinks i'm crazy.


he said i could never never forgive him its over, but he kept trying to kiss and hug me,


the last thing i want is him touching me, but he wont really communicate with me verbally.


now he's back working there, he says he's not in touch w/her but he's a compulsive liar.


i am committed to my church, and i pray more lately. that's what i do.


i KNOW God will work things out for my good. just keep the faith, God is on your side. i was up crying last night but i know Jesus is with me, i feel sorry for their souls.
I went through something similar 3 or 4 years ago with my husband. The only difference is that his ';affair'; was more of an emotional thing and he left me (not for her but DID spent time with her while he was gone). I didn't know for 6 months that they were keeping in contact through myspace. It crushed me...twice over. In the end it came down to understanding WHY everything happened. We have a wonderful relationship now but he wanted forgivness for leaving me right from the start. A year after coming home he was over the road (driving semi's) and had hours to think. He called me one day at 2 in the morning crying. He told me how sorry he was for breaking my heart and told me he would never leave me again. Obviously in our relationship the fact that he left me was the big issue. His ';affair'; was not a true affair but more or less a double blow after the fact. Either way...for a relationship to move on he must be truly sorry and truly willing to re-commit himself to the relationship. Obviously your husband is not ready for this. That doesn't mean he never will be but understand that he may not. Go about your life in the way that is best for you and see where it takes you from there.