How do you comfort your spouse when she's just ripped you a 'new one'?

My wife %26amp; I tend to argue a lot, but we have a good marriage otherewise. We don't have infidelity issues, we seem to have the same values (generally speaking), and we trust each other.


There is 1 main thing that she dislikes about me, and 1 main thing I dislike about her...


Her dislike? She feels that I analyze things too much, or read into things that she says too much. She wants to just say what she has to say, and have me understand how she feels and be there 4 her. That's cool, but I don't always feel where she's coming from and must go through my usual mental process, or ask questions to better understand her. That pisses her off.


My dislike? I'm pretty calm and rational. If we have a disagreement I want to talk it through. Often we will start talking and she'll start to escalate from being annoyed to all out screaming and/or crying. When this happens she wants me to comfort her. I just find it hard to get screamed on, then give her a hug.


How do I deal with this?How do you comfort your spouse when she's just ripped you a 'new one'?
Wow yall sound like our mirror I'mage. Other then the screaming. Ive explained to my wife that like you i like to analyze things before i open my mouth. She had come to terms with it. My wife is emotional and starts crying which as i told her makes it hard for me to bring up issues for that reason. Well tell her if you haven't already that screaming isn't a rational way to discuss issues. And if she starts screaming at you say see this is what im talking about. Or when she gets in that mode just walk away and tell her to cool down and then will talk.How do you comfort your spouse when she's just ripped you a 'new one'?
ROFL.


The title was hilarious and I just had to tell you that.


As for the rest. I totally agree with the screamed at and then hug part. When this happens I just kinda have to imagine what he/she is going through, and how he/she would feel. I do find it awkward though.


I hope I helped. Although I dont think I did. But I hope I did.
That can be REALLY hard- but it's part of love. Often when they need love the most, they deserve it the least. Women often just want to talk and have their husband listen. They don't want solutions or have you fix the problem. They just want you to listen, validate her feelings, hug her, and move on. Guys tend to want to be more practical about the situation and try to fix it. Just remember- she's being emotional and just needs a listening ear. When you try to fix her problem or analyze it- it will often make the situation worse. Probably not what you wanted to hear. But we were made differently- I think to teach us how to love more perfectly and act more selflessly. She also needs to listen to your feelings, and try to show you love the way YOU need it, not the way she wants to give it. And vice versa. Good luck!
TELL HER THIS PART OF YOUR QUESTION....





';She says I hold grudges and can't let things go. She right, but many times I hold a grudge because I feel that all that matters is what SHE feels...


...After 8 yrs, I want to make things work. These are the only reasons we don't get along...';





YOU LOVE HER .TELL HER.


NOT WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT BUT AS A NEW TOPIC OF DISCUSSION.
yea its hard but just do it, give the woman a darn hug if thats all she wants. then the argument will be over anyways
From the beginning to the end, this question went downhill quickly. You have a good marriage, but at the end you're saying you're married 8 years and you just want this to work. That sounds like opposite ends of the spectrum, my friend.





I suggest, for one week/two weeks/whatever, do an experiment. Every time you argue and fight with each other and she SCREAMS or gets really emotionally, say she's acting like a child and walk away. Don't hug her, don't comfort her, and don't enable her to be emotionally hostile then receive attention. If you sense an argument or fight breaking out, say, ';If you yell or curse or scream at me, I'm going to leave this room and sit quietly by myself in the (another room).'; If that freaks her out, tell her you love her, but she is not approaching the problem in a mature and adult manner. If she starts yelling, screaming, whatever, LEAVE.





If you console her, you're positively reinforcing the behavior. If you leave, she can be upset all she wants. After 15 minutes, go back and see how she's doing. If she's still pissed, leave again. If she's calmer, but sniffly, go sit with her and try talking.





Try it for a bit and see what happens. Maybe you can influence her behavior. Good lucK!
Ouch! Though question. I sincerly don't know.


Good luck.