Internet Infidelity and Anger Issues - need help!?

So, I am going to try and keep this as short as possible.


About 1 month ago I discovered that my husband was going online and looking at girls on webcams and talking dirty to them when I wasn't home. When I confronted him he was angry and denied it and then he eventually fessed up and said he is going to change. I want to go to couples therapy but he refuses so I am going alone.


After a month things are better sometimes, sometimes worse. He also has an intense anger issue where he threatens me and gets REAL close to getting physical - even when I am holding our 2 1/2 year old son. He tries to blame everything on me and nothing seems to be changing.


I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up on our 7 yr marriage, especially since we have a son. But, I feel backed into a corner. How can I ever trust him again, when our whole marriage he was doing these things behind my back? Also, how is he ever going to control his anger if he doesn't get help? I know I can only help and control myself, I can't make him do something he doesn't want to. As of now, I am taking it day by day and hoping that if I change myself for the better and continue counseling that he will see and change himself as well. Otherwise, I guess I'll have my answer.


We have gotten rid of the internet to the point where he can only go on at home when I am home. He says he is okay with this and doesn't care if it ever changes. Which is good but that is only one area in a list of things that we have to deal with. Maybe I'm overthinking things? Not giving it enough time?Internet Infidelity and Anger Issues - need help!?
I promise you sweetheart that no change you can make to yourself internally or otherwise will literally change him, and if he even wants to change, honestly, it's because he is a good man inside and was weak. I am 25, and I have been guilty of weakness, but the will to be a good man is all a good man has. That's what separates us from the scum. He wouldn't hit you or he would have by now. No one gets close more than a couple of times without following through. If I had a child I think all weakness would leave me and I'd be the best husband and daddy ever, but this is not true for your man. I hope he learns to value his gifts moreso, and I hope he doesn't lose you to lust and naivete. You seem to be a beautiful mom and wife...


Good luck.Internet Infidelity and Anger Issues - need help!?
I agree with LAC8719 - take your son and leave for awhile (or better yet, have HIM leave for awhile as you and the little guy have done nothing wrong.) He needs to actually see/feel the error of his ways if he is ever going to recognize the need to change.
You married a child.
It seems like monogamy and respect are important to you. If you're not getting that, why would you stay in your marriage? Your son is no reason to stay in a marriage you're not happy in. He'll end up no worse for wear. Our president is from a single parent household. Tiger Woods' parents stayed together. These two examples are proof positive that intact marriages do not a better son make!
how is that infidelity? Because he jerked off to a web cam girl, and never touched anyone but himself? was it the same girl every time? I dont see the issue there, but the anger thing needs to be controlled, I agree.
Sounds like you are a silly low self esteem woman, like so many are today. What precise harm was it doing to your relationship to have him looking at webcams and talking dirty to other women? None whatsoever. You had gone 7 years of this and had no issues, no problems, and felt like it was a good relationship. You see it once, and you blow up entirely and unreasonably probably because you feel bad about how you look, probably never having lost the pregnancy fat from your son. Of course he is angry as you have been ridiculous. He's an adult not your child, and you have no right to tell him what he can or can't watch for entertainment. Cutting off internet access unless you are in the house is what I do to my kids to punish them for being bad in school. And as for ';how is he ever going to control his anger if he doesn't get help'; what does he need to control it for? If he hasn't physically touched you, or done anything else physical what does he need to control? ';REAL close'; to physical is totally meaningless, thats like being ';REAL close'; to being pregnant. You either are or aren't.





Changing yourself for the better would probably require just getting some self esteem (maybe getting on a treadmill) and realizing that fantasizing about women over the internet is nothing but fantasizing, and if he isn't physically cheating on you then you should stop treating him like a child.
Please send me an email I want to talk to you in private about this, from the man's perspective. I would also HIGHLY recommend you and your hubby listening to the dr laura book on cd about the care and feeding of a husband.
I think that you need to at least take your son to a safe place. I understand that you want his father to be in his life, but not at the expense of his well being. He has problems and need help. You should tell him that you are going to leave and give him time to decide what's important to him. If he really loves the two of you, he will get help. If not, while it is tragic to end a marriage, it would be worse to stay. Good luck. I am so sorry you have to go through this.
He is addicted to pornography and maybe other form of sexual fantasies. He needs a lot of help and patience. Please stick to professional advice.
i told you i am sorry and to let this drop. when i get home you can pack your crap and leave.
Sorry to say but you can't change a person, and i'm living proof of that! Stop going to therapy by your self, because after all if he's not willing to work with you towards the relationship getting better, then why would you want to be with a person who treats you like that! I know it's much easier said than done, but your main concern should be your son at this point. As a parent myself, we need to start understanding that how we act and live in front of our children, WILL affect them in their adult years! Im tired of seeing relationships/couples staying together for the sake of a having a two parent home, but sometimes your children are better off of seeing their parents getting along than having major issues with each other! Im not saying that it's not possible to work things out with your husband, but he has to be willing to fully do his part if loves you and your son that much! I feel like you should pray on it and as the saying I live by, ';Let go and Let GOD!!!'; meaning we as humans cannot control everything in life so leave it in his hands. Trust me you will know what to do when the time is right. Good luck and God Bless :)