How is it that men don't consider porn infidelity?

When I first married my husband I told him how I felt on this subject and he told me he could never do that when married but he lied... ALOT.. and now I don't know how to take it. I would understand if I didn't put out or try new things but thats not the problem. What do I do? We've two kids and I'm scared I can't deal with this All I ever wanted was a faithful 100 man and to love me as I've him. We tried counceling but he hates it and doesn't want to goHow is it that men don't consider porn infidelity?
Porn is NOT infidelity. Porn is normal and healthy. Do you not let him masturbate either? These things have nothing to do with you and it isnt cheating.





He still loves you. Looking at porn doesnt mean he doesnt love you or doesnt find you attractive. PORN IS NATURAL TO WANT TO LOOK AT. A sexual relationship with yourself is very healthy and a good way to spend me time.





I think you need to examine your self esteem. THat is why you dont want him looking right? You feel unattractive and unloved? It really has nothing to do with that.How is it that men don't consider porn infidelity?
God woman how does he put up with you ?watching porn is not cheating men and woman get turned on by porn. Don't force your prudish opinions on him he is not doing anything wrong.
WATCH IT WITH HIM
using that logic, 6 hours of golf per week or hunting, the gym, the spa, soap operas would constitute infidelity





with the porn, at least he not acting in the movie





i liked the comment about sex toys
I understand how your feeling. For some women it's degrading and sexist. It's not for everyone, and every relationship. If you expressed yourself on the issue of porn ( as you did ) then he should respect your wishes, if disagreed with your wishes/beliefs then you should of never committed in marriage. In your case Porn is infidelity. Infidelity is a breach/violation of faith, especially when you both agreed on that subject. The act of infidelity varies between and within cultures and it doesn't always have to do with sexual behaviors.


It also sounds like you have to focus on him lying ,his addiction to porn and the fact that he does want to continue with counseling. To me it doesn't sound like he wants to make things workout. It very sad to know that porn is more important than family...........


I also think it has nothing to do with what you will or wouldn't do in the bedroom, or how you look . Men love all types of women. sometimes having an addiction cane ruin a relationship, as in your case.......


For some men you need to show them how serious you are (take it how you want). But always remember the choice that you give him may not be what you want or expect. Life is to short to be arguing and feeling miserable, your children don't want unhappy parents.


Be brave and strong, things have away of finding the right path.
you need help how is watching porn ';infidelity'; i love to watch porn with my husband or without i don't trip when he watches it is entertainment and nothing else!
I don't think that watching porn is cheating. He isn't physically touching or having sex with another person. He also isn't calling someone on the phone and having an emotional affair. I think you should let him do what he enjoys and maybe even join in.
Make no mistake, porn is NOT infidelity. Infidelity is your man going out and screwing another woman. Porn is not in that category.





Is it inappropriate? Hell yes. Are you within your rights to dislike it? Hell yes. But it ain't infidelity. Settle down... Take a deep breath.





Why does he look at porn? That's the real question. Talk to him about it. What kind of porn are we talkin' here? Is it like a Playboy centerfold kinda thing? If so, it's no big deal. If it's really raunchy stuff then I can see you not liking it.
I have to honestly say that men, are very much mysteries to me.


I understand, through friends, (males) and an older brother, that they are so visual, as to be tempted to view porn, or perhaps, have affairs with women which ';make no difference, for they are at HEART faithful to their wives';.


I don't understand that logic or lack of, so alien to me. Therefore I have developed a kind of distant appraisal to men, and how they view or practice these comments which they have shared with me.


I have developed a disappointment toward all men, because


so often they'll lie to cover their coyote tracks. And no longer do I expect great changes to affect them. I simply take care of myself. I am heterosexual, so there is no desire to be gay.


But I am becoming a female, who must be wary and make the appropriate choices, when dealing with a man. If ever I should meet a man of exception to what we've discussed, I will grant him, far more of my attention, before I offer him my trust.


As for you well, there is a Spanish saying.


'; Yo no quiero nada con el queso, lo que quiero es salir de esta trampa!'


meaning :


It has nothing to do with wanting the Cheese, it all has to do, with getting out of this trap!';


Good Luck!


And I mean that sincerely!!!
It all depends on the porn.


Women prefer the more romantic, swept away ';story'; lines, where the men just want to see someone getting down and dirty.





Personally, I find them boring. You seen one, you've seen them all. However, with a few glasses of wine and the volume on mute, it's always fun to make up your own story lines......
Infidelity is cheating on your spouse by being intimate with another person. With adult content video and magazines, there is no other person, only your spouse's hand. I'd consider this a healthy alternative to anything else he might be doing, in your position. He's engaging in it at home, he's not seeing anyone else, and from what you've described, this is all he's doing. Men like to fantasize, and they like to see beautiful women. If it's restricted to seeing and not touching, you're fortunate, since he is adhering to his vows.





Have you considered involving yourself when he's enjoying some of this content? If you were to approach him and become intimate with him, or perform an intimate act on him, I'm sure he'd appreciate the gesture, and very likely would be greatly distracted from what he was watching/reading.
This is one of the most difficult and troublesome areas in male/female relationships. Women have no idea what it's like to be a guy, and the way in which guys are incredibly focused on visual sexual stimuli. Even the nicest guy on the planet - who loves his wife and kids and would die to save them - will look at porn once in a while.





Importantly - just because he looks at porn doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.





Men separate love and sex into different compartments, whereas women tend to tie the two things together. A man may look at porn but still love his wife dearly and care about her.





It's unbelievably difficult for men to disengage their primeval instincts when it comes to inspecting images/videos of women in sexual situations. Women have NO idea how difficult it is for a guy to do this, and they feel bitter resentment.





Women think that if a man loves them, then he should never, ever look at images or videos of other women in a sexual situation. Women's definition of love is an inseparable union of love and sex, and a violation of either of these (in this case the sexual aspect) is perceived as cheating just as much as if a guy came home and said he was in love with another woman.





In evolutionary terms, a man is indoctrinated to constantly assess women to find those who are healthy, young and sexy - and to attempt to breed with them as soon as possible. A man's habitual and constant assessment of women happens whenever he sees them - even if he's with his GF he will cast a careful glance over to see a fabulous butt while his GF isn't looking.





Every one of us guys - whether we admit it or not - is a bit of an animal. Some of us tame the inner animal quite well, some not so well. Your husband no longer cares what you think of him, probably because he no longer fancies you sexually. It's a HUGE challenge for guys to keep fancying their wife sexually for many years, especially after children arrive and the woman's attention is (rightly) diverted away from him.





But be honest - how many wives stared at Patrick Swayze's butt and wanted to have his babies? Rather a lot I would guess.





I'm genuinely sorry about your situation - I'm not a callous or uncaring person at all. But if you had ever had a teenage boy's relentless urge for sex for just a day, then you would realize what guys go through and think about. Believe it or not, many guys do actually feel very guilty when they look at porn while being happily married with kids and a wife who they love. But they are simply driven to it by hormones and inherited behavior. Short of ripping out the wiring in a guy's brain, this behavior isn't going to end any time soon.





I'm not apologizing for guys being cavemen - I'm just stating reality. It's far from an ideal situation. I expect I will get a dozen thumbs down for trying to give this explanation... sigh...





Also in Western society, where people's bodies are judged very harshly, women will feel very threatened by the perfect (and young) bodies of the naked models that their husbands are staring at in the porn. That will add to their unhappiness.





Gasp - my longest answer ever... lol...





[Comment to ';Free To Be Me'; below. You say ';porn should not be needed in a relationship.'; I agree. But that's a very idealistic position to take.. very noble, but very idealistic. Few guys after 15 years of marriage will still find their wife as sexy as she was on their wedding night. But a few will - which is wonderful :) We live in the real world.]
He obviously hasn't thought about how lying and looking at porn doesn't make him a great role model for his children. Tell him that too.
Women buy vibrators, read Cosmo in our presence, conduct themselves in ways and manners which do not conform with lady-like behavior. And a guy looks a something for a fantasy and all of a sudden he's pervert.





Leave him alone. Tell him you don't want to see it or know about it, but leave him alone. Set some boundaries and leave him be. It's called 'fantasy'.





Send the kids away every now and then. Then take him to the bedroom and knock his ever loving socks off. Get sweaty. Take chances. Make it exhilarating. Read the Cosmo and take some tips and take this man to the edge.
Watching porn is not considered infidelity...It is however disrespectful of a husband to lie about watching it and to continue watching it knowing that it hurts his wife....Funny how men jump to defend porn when a woman has issues with her husband watching porn....but when a man has caught his wife watching porn....the men rarely will respond....
Men, what you are saying is you won't mind if we women get turned on by another man and think of this other man to have sex with you? Is that what you are saying? Are you saying you can't make the grade without porn to jump start you?





I don't care if I get a thousand thumbs down, porn should not be needed in a relationship. Where's your love and respect for each other?
There's NOTHING wrong with porn, loosen up, just be glad he's still with you after you nagging him over something so innocent.
Try watching with him, Basically porn no different than looking at women an dreaming of them sexualy.
Lisa,,,you really would consider divorcing your husband, breaking your kids hearts, his and yours in the process, because your husband watch porno and you had say for him not too? You really think he is cheating on you by watching porno? Read the rest of the issues here on YA. I can't believe your level of self piety will end up destroying your home. You have bigger issues than he does if you think this is cheating.
Umm sorry but porn isn't infidelity-adultery is-porn is graphic images meant to stimulate the imagination-porn is not a person-what is the big deal?
how is that women dont consider sex toys infidelity?
In the first place porn is not a horrible thing. He's at least home. Nobody else is affected. It's not cheating. Not infidelity. Cut the man a little slack. Lots of married people use porn to spice things up a little. See it from a different point of view. You might be surprised.
I don't think that the porn is the issue here. I think it is more that he lied to you.
i wonder for people who think its ok to watch porn. would u like it if u find out one day when u have se'x with the sig other and while doing u they are thinking about some porn star and that;s the only way they can come off../ take that lol
How is it that some women are jealous of such drivel?
wow, chill out. really is it that horrible. why don't you just destroy your family over this. that would make it better. if he is a good husband get over it, smoke a doob or something.
Men don't consider porn ';infidelity'; because they can't TOUCH it , or FEEL it, they just ';look/watch it';. It's the whole Mars/Venus thing !! But...Married Men, I don't understand why they would feel they ';need it'; , sounds like he needs More counseling. Most men don't like to go to any sort of Doctor (which would include counseling! ) Try to get him to go though, he may have an addiction to porn that he may not be aware of himself. Hang in there. Good Luck !!
I dont understand this either because I believe its a type of cheating also. I am a firm believer of if you think it with your mind you might as well be doing it . like it says in the bible not in these exact words but what you do with your eyes and your mind you might as well be doing it in real life. I think you should really break it down to him and let him know that this is what you consider breaking your trust as you would not break his trust he should not break yours no matter what it is and if it is bothering you then he should be willing to give this up after all we are talking about a marraige compared to a non living thing I think he will choose you.
watch it with him





and if watching porn is infidelity, then so are sex toys, and so is masturbation








as long as he isn't going out and having sex with other people, what is the harm?
Porn is no infidelity. Are sex toys considered ';cheating'; to you? The ONLY problem here is that he lied to you. My dear, watch the porn with him, there is soft porn and hardcore, go for the soft first. It is absolutely uncalled for when either a man or a woman decides for their spouse that they cannot watch porn. It is no different from sex toys. They are all normal. It can enhance your sex life, whats wrong with that. And, he does not need counseling for porn. Please, see that he is doing no harm, enjoy your husband, and the entertainment that he prefers, you never know, you really might enjoy it. I sure the heck learned to enjoy it, for myself, for him and our sex life. Go for it, and... good luck.
Everyone has different opinions on whether porn is infidelity. You'll see that by the responses you get on here. I personally don't see the problem, but that's just my opinion. It's obvious your husband doesn't either. Besides, your issue isn't porn as much as it is him going against something that you already discussed. You need to talk to him about it and find out why he broke that promise. Good luck!