Marriage, children and Infidelity...how to keep a sane house?

My husband's past cheating is still bothering me. It's been four months and he refuses to seek counseling. He has cheated on me numerous times prior and we sought counseling once. We have four children that are very young. He is a great father and provides for the family, but has no respect for me. The last time I found out I didn't even cry, I felt disgusted and I wanted him out of the house. But I kept him around because I refuse to live in poverty and have the kids live in broken homes. Is this normal?? How common do husbands cheat and why do people look down on wives who cheat?


How many of the wives out there have someone on the side after dealing with an unfaithful husband?


Has anyone raised a successful family with a cheating spouse? If so what do you do to keep going?Marriage, children and Infidelity...how to keep a sane house?
You cannot raise a sucessful family with a cheating spouse. Kids are not dumb and they will figure it out. Not only that, you claim he has no respect for you. His lack of respect will transfer over to the kids and you'll eventually have problems. You won't live in poverty. You'll probably keep the house, have child support, get yourself a job, rent out a room, find a new mate, and be much happier for it. How long are you going to put up with this? Not to mention the fact that you don't know if he might bring something home that you don't want to catch. He's not willing to get counseling which means he has no intention of changing because you are allowing it. Marriage, children and Infidelity...how to keep a sane house?
Okay, now I'm assuming that your husband cheated on you for the first time after the birth of your last child, because otherwise why would you have gone and had 3 more children to this piece of sh*t. (GREAT FATHER?) And also please bring me up to speed on how ';successful family'; could ever be the outcome for you if your husband refuses to change.
I guess the only way for you to stay is to be a door mat to your husband and focus 100% on your children. I can tell you from my experience when I realized it was better for me to leave than to stay is when I became a bitter unhappy negative person because I could no longer fake not being miserable. I made my children think there father was a saint and I seemed to be an angry miserable person for no apparent reason. I wanted my daughters and son to see there mom happy, I wanted to set an example for my kids that you are never trapped and should never settle. I guess the only way to have a successful marriage in your situation is to turn a blind eye if he doesn't want to change.
You need to leave. FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU! FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME!





Top 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat


By: WomanSavers (View Profile)





Why men cheat on women is an age-old question. The reasons why men cheat on women can be varied. Nevertheless, we have compiled a list of the top ten reasons why both married and unmarried men cheat. Sometimes their reasons don’t even involve you and it’s simply an ego-based decision. Other times, reasons why men cheat can involve you and your relationship, or lack thereof.





So why do some men cheat in relationships? Almost all men know that cheating is wrong, yet many they still do it. Men will blame their reasons for cheating on their genes and their necessity to reproduce. However, aren’t we suppose to be further evolved than a chimp? Shouldn’t we be able to control our bodies through our minds and conscious decisions? Apparently not always.





Here Are the Top 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat:





1. Because they had the option. The old saying “men are only as faithful as their options” can sometimes ring true. Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down.





2. It boosts their ego. Sometimes men no longer feel like they are attractive to the opposite sex and when a woman shows some interest, not only does a man react, he may allow her to stroke his ego and more. There is nothing like the thrill of the chase to men on the hunt. When they are finally rewarded for their efforts, their egos swell even larger.





3. You grow apart. Maybe the two of you didn’t have as much in common as you thought. He’s met a woman who has more in common with him who loves football or plays golf. He may check out if he is compatible with her under the sheets also.





4. You argue a lot. Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly on them about something.





5. They have fallen out of love. Sometimes men become so comfortable in a relationship, they don’t know how to get out. They may be staying in the relationship because of children or financial reasons. However, they feel like they are missing out on love and may seek it out elsewhere. In their mind, this is as close to win-win as they can get.





6. Your sex life stinks. If a man has a disinterested partner or isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, there is a good chance he will have an affair. Just because you have a husband or boyfriend, does not mean you can stop trying. It takes a little bit of effort to keep your sex life from becoming boring and non-existent. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try.





7. To get revenge. A man will sometimes cheat if he finds out his partner was cheating on him. How else is he supposed to heal those hurt feelings of his but through good old-fashioned sex?





8. It’s new, different and exciting. Some men get tired of having steak for dinner every night and want to try a hamburger. The same goes for sex with a woman. That’s why men don’t necessarily always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.





9. To see if they can get away with it. If a man has the attitude of “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her,” he may cheat to see if he is sneaky and smart enough to get away with it. However, with all the advancement in surveillance spy ware, getting caught has now become easier than ever.





10. Because you have allowed it in the past. If you have forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again because they already know if they plead enough, you will forgive them.





Reasons why men cheat can be more complex than the above list or even be a combination of a few different reasons. Nevertheless, no reason is good enough reason to lie and be dishonest. After all, Karma can be a *****.





By Infidelity Expert Stephany Alexander








First published February 2008





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You're in denial. He is not worthy of you. By staying to help your kids.. you're actually hurting them.. by leading the example that its okay to be treated like garbage.






I think the key thing to know is WHY they continue to cheat ... there can be many reasons and it varies depending on the relationship and the man.





Without knowing though nothing can be changed, solved or get better and it will most likely happen again.





If he will not go to councilling have you tried talking about the affairs with him personally? It can be hard but the key to unlocking the reason they stray is good communication of the marital problems that are there or that they PERCIEVE is there.





This article might help:





http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/2008/1…
children sense when something is wrong. Don't use them as


the excuse to stay.
You have a choice....you know he is a cheat, but a great dad. I admire you for staying with him to provide a better life for your children. Face it that he will not remain faithful, if you choose to stay, use protection and go to therapy by yourself. Get strong for yourself...at some point you will realize that you will not be in poverty if you leave..





Please look up Joyce Meyer ministry...she has some insight on a great many topics.
How past is it? I'm sorry but you said ';He is a great father and provides for the family, but has no respect for me';. EXCUSE me?! No one and I do mean no one is better than I am, I am the apple of God's eye, He broke the mold when He made me! So, I don't give a flying fluzzy who is the bread winner, or the provider, I get RESPECT! If nothing else, I get that, I demand that. Why is it bothering you? Is it because you don't know the full details as to why He cheated? I know from experience that sometimes we say we forgive, but because we don't know why, hubby can't explain why he did what he did, so its like we feel like since we don't know what made him do it before, whose to say he won't do it again? Well, if that's the case, it just takes time to heal old wounds, but they will heal, now if he's continuously doing this then you'd better keep in mind that AIDS is out there, not to mention physcotic women who may follow him home and try and murder his family because they want to take your place, when all hes looking for is a piece of butt! I truly believe that men cheat because we allow it, because it's become exceptable to society that men will be men! I've been cheated on and I've never been with another man, either before my husband, nor since I found out he cheated, it wouldn't take the pain away, it would just make me as low down as he was. So, I wouldn't advise anyone to do that. I am raising a successful family with the help of my husband, and of course by God's grace, but its not like hes a cheating spouse, he cheated, prior to us getting married, and I left him for a year, he couldn't bare it, we did counseling, we talked it out and we moved on! I don't think I will ever forgive for that again, matter-of-fact, I know that I wouldn't, I would ';clear it';
If you love him, then u can put up with the way he is. Its hard but love overcomes sometimes. Either you live with it or you have to leave him and start over with someone else who may end up being the same way. Plus you gotta think about the kids.