This is kind of a long question and complicated question. My fiancee has a very different view on infidelity. In short - He believes that there's no such thing as cheating and that people can only be hurt by those types of things if they allow themselves to be hurt by it. I believe the opposite. He has voiced his want to be able to sleep with other people in the duration of his life should the need/want arise. I have begged him not to do this to me, we've been together for 5 years.
The other day I found a pair of used panties in his dresser (I was putting away his clothes). They weren't mine...and I approached him about it. He said that they are from an ';encounter'; (meaning that he slept with someone else) he had about a year ago. Of course this killed me , but here's my main question.
He has told me that I need to accept him for who he is, but that he doesn't want to NOT be with me. He said that he can't promise that he wont do it again, but that he wants a family and a life with me....
Does anyone else think this is wrong? Or am I completely nuts? I want to understand this whole thing so I can be ok to forgive him and move on with my life, including having him in my life.How do I deal with a cheating partner?
Oh my, do you have a brain? Why are you living with this moron?
There is NO hope for this relationship, unless you like to be disrepected, treated like a dog, walked on, made fun of, and all around STUPID. This is mental abuse at its worse. Kick his as* out NOW%26gt;How do I deal with a cheating partner?
Now listen to yourself. He has you so victimized from manipulation. This sounds very stupid to me. Accept him for what? To cheat on you? Like an above poster said, you are nuts. He is cheating on you! He wants a family with you? Girl you have self esteem issues. What if you get HIV and never have kids with him. Please, move on. He is a joke! And if you stay with him, you deserve anything (being disease or cheating) that he give to you! Also Dirty Panties! Thats just NASTY!!!
the first time he told you his opinion on this you should have been out of there
Move on, he will never quit being with other women and you'll be missable who needs that.
STAY with HIM and you will REGRET IT
I know it is scary starting over but you can do it. At the end of the day you will thank yourself for that. Nothing good will come out of you actual relationship. He is also manipulatif to the point that you are willing to accept him cheating on you.
You deserve better and there are a lot of men out there who will love to have you as a wife and mother of their children
Stand for your beleives
You are completely nuts for still being with the guy. Sorry but if you overlook it then you deserve what you get.
he is letting you know up front that he is going to see other people ! you make the choice!
youre right in thinking about this. he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. he had the affair a yr ago when he was with you!
so there are 2 ways of dealing with this situation.
1) you either pay him back in the same coin and see how he feels. have the affair and bring back some man's undies and mix it with your guys. you get the drift.
2) or move on with your life.
in any case, you need to accept him for who he is and that is not going to change. i think he's made that very clear.
Yup either accept his behavior or move on.
If you want selfish - you found it!
This IS who he is and he's willing to defend his selfishness in spite of you. And you're willing to take this?
Sorry. He doesn't have the problem. YOU do!
your question is how u deal with him?... u dont...
Yes, you are completely nuts. You have self esteem issues. You believe you are worth nothing so it is ok for a man to disrespect you. Get help. This guy doesn't love you...I don't even think he likes you.
tell him to get lost you deserve better
End this immediately. He is a dead end. It will only get worse if you stay with him and then he will break your heart. Get out now
I dont think its wrong. Perhaps you should consider how you can get him to focus on you. here's how to prevent men from wondering or straying :
1) Cook
2) clean ( this pc 50/50 bs and womens lib is just nonsense)
3) have lots of hot sex... not the boring stuff (vanilla) nah, try a bit of adventure: different positions, squirting technics etc
4) listen a bit to what he says and engage in discussion.
5) Dont tell him he's imature or stupid.
6) Tell him that you care
7) For goodness sake DONT nag - it really stuffs things up.
8) And remember the MAN is the king of the house.
In return. He will worship you, treat you like a queen, listen to you and above all he wont have the desire to hunting for other women ( and drag home someone elses underwear !! )
All the guys out there will definately agree... RIGHT GUYS ????
LADIES: dont fight us ... the best thing u can do is make ur man feel like a MAN......
If your husband wants to cheat then he should not be married to you or to anyone. There aren't too many women who would put up with a man who cheats. I know a couple right now who are going through a divorce because the woman caught her husband with another woman. He has cheated before and she is tired of him cheating on her. I do not believe in cheating and if my husband were to cheat I would not give him a second chance. You have been too easy on the man and it is time for him to go. He seems to think that it is okay to cheat and he doesn't think that you should say anything.
I admire him for his honesty. Honest men are hard to come by!! From the sounds of it he wants you to make a home for him and give him children, while he will shag any woman he feels attracted to (as long as she is game for it). So the question here is this: Is that acceptable to you? If it's not, you need to break the engagement and find a man who values fidelity as you do. Your finance has made it very clear to you that he is not a one woman man. You can't change him, hon...you do need to accept him for who he is and then decide whether (as is) is he truly the man you want to marry?
Leave a trojan magnam XL rapper on the floor of the bedroom one day. See if he says anything. If he does, just say it was a large encounter. If he feels shitty about it rub it in his face and leave.
You need to expect better from a partner than this.
Get rid of him. Let someone else accept him. Or you could stay and wind up with a disease. Come on you know what to do!!!!
It's wrong. And I'm a guy! Unless herpes, AIDS, syphilis, genital warts, and various kinds of STD's are okay. Unless you live in a state where multiple wives, partners or lovers are okay. Unless you want to accept that he might want a family and a life with someone else as well is okay. You don't have to understand it, it's wrong, immoral and time for him to commit. Or be committed. Maybe he should install a revolving door to your bedroom because that's what he's using to come in and out of your life. Because if you do get married, your kids will be confused as to who their actual mother is. And you might not know where their father is or if he's coming home.
';He believes that there's no such thing as cheating and that people can only be hurt by those types of things if they allow themselves to be hurt by it. I believe the opposite. ';
And you're getting married... why?
';He said that he can't promise that he wont do it again, but that he wants a family and a life with me....';
Well, HE needs to accept you for who YOU are, and who YOU are is a woman who doesn't share (and I don't blame you).
Sorry, if I guy told me that he wanted to be free to have sexual liasions during our marriage, there wouldn't be a marriage. Period.
It sounds like he wants an open relationship. If that's the case and you don't then you need to end it. I know a couple who is in an open relationship and they are happy because they agree. Him saying he wants you to 'accept' him for who he is... ok then accept him for a cheating bastard!
I'm so serious when I say you need to end it and end it now. He is not going to change and you know that in your heart.
WOW! That is awful. Who the hell does he think he is. He basically wants to do whatever the hell he wants. And he is your fiance. This is not someone you want to marry. Unless your willing to accept it, I would definately leave him.
Leave Him! why are you asking us for an opinion! This is very black and white! don't waste another second with such an Jerk
You either accept him for the way he is or not - he's not going to change and if he has the opportunity for some strange - he's going to go for it (he kept the frickin' panties as a souvenir). He is incapable of being faithful - no matter how important it is to you - he does not view it the same way. I could never stay with someone like that.
I would urge you to talk to a marriage counselor as well as your clergyman.
Wow...kinda funny how these men don't see anything wrong with it. I bet if rolls were reversed, he wouldn't like it too much. Maybe you should ask him that..I guess its just one of these things where you have to decide if you can accept his way of living. If you can't then you need to get out now. (WHICH I THINK YOU SHOULD). Its bad enough when they do it secretly, but wow he is so open about it. Kinda sick in my opinion. I don't think you can have a normal life, a normal marriage that way. My opinion only. I delt with a cheating man, and I finally just had enough. You will come to that point, till then just do the best you can. Maybe he will come around, but a man like that, is pretty much going to stay that way. My ex, to this day is still doing the same things to women. He got married again after me, had a child, still cheated, now divorced once again and now has moved onto victim number 4. Yes he was married before me too. Some men just don' tneed to be in relationships. They just want the ';SHOW'; of it all, not the committment of it. Sorry hun!
You don't. You leave them.
You are as silly and ridiculous as they come. Why in the heck are you wasting everyone time with this question? You know the man's views....yet you're still with him. Quite stupid wouldn't you say? Why is it killing you when you know he's a philanderer?
You believe the so called fairytale life he's promising...one catch though! You won't be his only lover...you have terribly low self-esteem and self worth. You could careless about your mentally and physical health either. If this man somehow contracts a disease or multiple ones...you're contracting them too.
I have no clue what type of understanding or reasoning you come up with to accept this type of abuse.
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