Is i possible that some men are just not family men?

My husband loves me and the kids to death but we struggle to get along and he just doesn't want to do the typical family man things like be home most nights, he wants to out with friends straight from work (kids are asleep already), instead of coming home and spending time with me and then sleeping at a decent hour so that he can see the kids in the morning. He doesn't always want to go places as a family, he'd would rather go golfing on his day off if I didn't nag about it.





We are thinking of seperating, I can't deal with this non-traditional roommate style marriage. He gets angry with my questioning about how late he stays out and how he spends money.





Neither of us want to be with other people and there ahave been no incidence of infidelity (100% sure). We have great sex but can't stop arguing all the time. It's been 8 yrs, I'm tired of it all. I keep in the best shape physically, I take care of the home good and get his lunch ready for work and breakfast, do his laundry, everything so I don't know why he desires such a single type life. It's like he would rather be with the guys than with me.





Should I give up? I mean I feel it would be better to be separated and live our life without the questioning and arguing. Am I just being naive?





He's 29, I'm 31.


Our kids are 5 and 3.Is i possible that some men are just not family men?
Some people aren't family people. They really shouldn't have kids.





You might do better if you do split up, so long as it is amicable. He might be a better father, too.





If you do split up, though, don't do the ';friends with benefits'; nonsense. Make it a real split, and find yourself a genuine ';family man.';Is i possible that some men are just not family men?
he does not want to be home.


no he does not love his family as much as you think.


it is his choice to be away


people do what they want to do.


now the ball is in your court.
too much to young ,its all about compromise tell him u would like at least one day spent just u and him the rest is up to him
So apart from the sex !!!


Its like bien back home with his mother ???
REALITY- You cannot work on a relationship while you are apart.





REALITY- If the problem is his not being there , not being there will not fix it.





REALITY- The marriage therapist will tell you that NOT having sex is a bad sign.





Normally sexuality is the tie that binds.


If he is 100% faithful still, it is BECAUSE you are still sexual.





Now to address the issues remember a number of things.


Children 5 and 3 are not yet at an age where he really can be ';The Dad';. In a couple years there will be Soccer, Baseball, Boy/Girl Scout or any one of a number of things for him to be involved in.





He is not yet willing to forgo his carefree youth although you have.


It comes hard to some guys and he may be one.


You may have facilitated this attitude from him by being the SAHM.


The home front is handled while he pays and plays.





My suggestion is that you fight for your marriage if that is what you want.


Actually you may be getting that seven year itch a year late because it has been good.





You are attractive and educated for sure.


Why not go get a job and put some of the family responsibility on him. Until now you have let him continue as was before children.


Quit being so available to do the mundane tasks.


Be there to be his wife and lover but not his caretaker.





He has forgotten what the single life entails because you take care of the details.





Take care of yourself and get him reacquainted with the sad realty of single life, taking care of himself.





You have said that he does not really know about a stable home.


He needs a reminder but you need to be in the house.


That is of course if you want it to last.





If you truly are ready to give up, separate but do not expect to get back together.





There seems to be a big difference of opinion is one area.


You think you deserve the ideal husband and think you should be treated bike a queen.


You seen to be seeking something that mere mortals cannot provide.





Like I said before, fairy tales are, well, fairy tales.





Life is far different.
He needs to grow the feck UP! If he wasm't a family man, he should never have married or reproduced. The fact is that he DID both of these things, so now he needs to man up and put the frat-boy mentality to rest. Force him into counseling if necessary- but he seriously needs to put on his big boy underpants and be there for his family.





edit: not getting the answers you wanted, I see.
Some people forget to grow up, You need a real sit down with him, It's time for him to look at things in a new light. When he said ';I DO'; what did he say that to ? meeting your needs and that of the family ?He needs to understand the children need their father there with them, teaching and playing with them, doing all the things he wished his father would have done with him. I saw your bio you look like a great family, stick with it, just find a way to get him involved with you and the children. It's hard for me to understand a father not wanting to spend time with his own children. Their will come a day when he will wish he would have spent the time with them. But it will be too late then. Your children could tell him how they feel that might help get his attention . You are both young stick with it, keep trying, Please don't give up, your kids will hurt so bad. having a great mom and an OK dad is better then splitting up your home.


I guess the long and the short of it is, you need to help him grow up.


Holler back any time


Jp
All men will come home if they want to. There have been numerous celebrities who party till the wee hours turn things around for the ones they love...this happens all the time with average people as well. Your husband just doesn't want to be home.





You need to at least figure out what all the arguing is about and why he does not want to be home. Get some answers and work on the problems before giving up.
I think you should seek marriage counseling sometimes people who love each other simply can't find the answers. I always felt an outside source could be beneficial since that particular person was not involved they could see things clearly. Sometimes communication is not feasible since both parties are so involved.
this is happening because you do not have God in your life, same as a lot of married couples. They go though adultery,masturbation,abuse,hatred, rage, anger issues,divorce, financial problems, gambling, drinking, drug abuse....on and on.


But if they only said this simple prayer, and follow His rules, stop sinning,worship Him and Him alone(Father/ Jesus/Holy Spirit). only.


all other prayers are sins called idolatry(prayers to Mary/Saints or any statue of any kind).


Then He will make your life and families life Heaven on Earth, He worries about all, He helps with all, He loves us so much it grieves me so much that people go to their graves without knowing His UNFAILING LOVE! GOD IS THE MOST AWESOME THING ANY HUMAN COULD EVER EVEN HOPE TO EXPERIENCE EVER!


I urge all families to all hold hands and ask together. : say this prayer


you will never regret it.


Put aside your unbelief and Say this prayer so God can come into your life, He is right there waiting, hoping You will make this choice %26amp; say it.


He has a plan for your life He can and will help you with everything. He wants you to be the best you can be. He loves you and gave You free will to choose having His unfailing love in your life or not He loved you first and left the door open for you. Its up to you to walk through into His loving arms.


God can help you, If only you ask Him.


If you want to accept Christ as Savior and turn from your sins, you can ask Him to be your Savior and Lord by praying a prayer like this:


';Lord Jesus, I believe You are the Son of God. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask You in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve You always.'; Amen


He helped me and I want you to feel his Love too.


Then pass on this prayer to others so they can get to know Gods unfailing love too
There has been no incidence of infidelity on your part, but him, living a single life, spending his money in ways you do not know and coming home in late hours, I am sure he is not playing domino with his friends.





He might love his kids to death by not spending time with them nor taking them out as a family, this guy must be from Mars if that is the way to love to death. As for you, please do not live in denial. His actions are ones that he just has a woman to do housekeeping, satisfy his sex needs and raise his children, that is all. You do not call that love.





It is sad to see that type of a father and husband but you need to do what he is doing. Living your life, go out and enjoy and give yourself the opportunity to find a good man out there that loves you.
It's very true that some men are just not the family man type. He seems to be a good husband in most other ways but if you're not happy something has to change. Although he's older he's far less mature than you are, and your kids are missing out on too much time with him so this is very serious. He should never get angry because you and the kids feel neglected, this is selfish. If communication is possible you should sit him down and tell him how much this is hurting you. Do it lovingly without making him feel attacked. Suggest counseling, pointing out to him how important it is for the kids. If he won't try to change maybe this could be the end. Once you marry and have children they should always come first and you just sound like you really don't feel cherished. I sure wish you the best and God bless you.