Questions about Separation in Marriage?

I have asked for a Separation from my husband..We have been together 8 years. We have had lots of problems, sickness and in health, infidelity, flirting. Our communication is very open and honest when we take the time to do it. we talked about having an open marriage. I am bi-sexual. So alot is going on and it has gotten out of control. I kept telling him Im not sure if i wanted to continue, that i wanted space. I have never really been on my own. Started my adult life with one serious relationship that went bad and then i met him and we married. But when i told him these things he blew me off and he ignored me. So I went ahead and found my own place at least for a little while. We are very devoted to caring and sharing custody of our two small children. We worked opposite shifts to care for them(couldnt afford childcare) and so we are pretty much doing the same thing. Rarely seen each other. I have been begging for a change but he doenst work with me so now im teetering on divorce but for now this is a way to see how we do apart. He is a bit bitter right now but I dont want a legal separation-because it costs to file. Instead i just want to work it out amongst ourselves. Is this smart? Do i still wear my wedding band? How do i deal with friends and family/inlaws. Is it okay to go out to dinner if someone asks me or to hang out with other single friends? What is the best way to know if it is reconcilable?


Im going slow--really jaded on relationships right now. I just dont believe that love lasts anymore, and those vows just dont seem relavant to this day and age. : (Questions about Separation in Marriage?
What do you hope to accomplish by separating?





Trying to work on problems in the marriage when you're not together is like practicing a golf swing without a club.





I'm going to be straight with you. (no pun intended) Your marriage is doomed, and your actions are making sure of that. Separations are a death sentence to a marriage. They are like a learner's permit to be single again, and they're rarely used for what they're intended ~ which is to resolve some personal issues so that you can work on the marriage.Questions about Separation in Marriage?
The first question I think I know the answer to.





Why don't you know what he feels (except for a bit bitter)? Why don't you care what kids will feel?





It's all about you - wedding band, friends, dinners. I hope you see the pattern. That you already threw everybody out of the family you promised to be part of. That there's no talk about what husband and kids need. You want answers for you, alone and single.





Make decisions for a whole family. Not one that's broke up because you decided.





It doesn't matter what you have had sex with (or want to have sex with). Or how you have a rebound marriage. Or that you're jaded or don't believe.





There was love. I like the feeling of what that was like - you and him. The way you guys care for the kids is an image of that. That's why I think you ought to try...some more. He's no Dr. Phil and definitely no saint. Women don't follow him because he's some great catch.





But he belongs to you...as much as the kids. They're all your family.





Shift work pushed over the top the normal problems you guys would have worked out. Night shifts make people bad (been there, done that). Take out the energy it takes to love and care for kids the right way with taking care of a house and the loneliness of your shifts and...bam, there's nothing left for each other after basic survival. There's nobody left to take care of the mommy or daddy.





You wore yourselves out. It was beyond your endurance. It wasn't you guys. Sure, learning how to talk and give is good. But it won't help unless some major piece of work drops out. Somebody's got to give up a job to take care of a family. Otherwise all you have is two separated, single parents trying to do even more with much less.





Check out the self-help books for saving a marriage (library free). Find no-cost counseling. They're all good in their own way. But somebody's got to give up the job to save this family.