What would you do if you found out your significant other really hurt someone in the past?

Like beyond infidelity, verging on abuse. For instance, if your boyfriend or girlfriend told you that he or she basically raped one of their previous exes by refusing to stop and forcing their ex to continue having sex with them? Would you stay with your significant other or would you leave them? If you stay with them, would you at least acknowledge the pain and trauma they put their ex through and consider that there's a possibility they could do it to you too? If you would leave, why?





I ask this as the ';ex'; in this scenario. My ex boyfriend came to me to apologize for what he put me through (the sorta rape thing, threats, physical harassment, stalking, bullying, spreading rumors, blackmailing, and some other stuff) and I asked him if his current girlfriend knew since he said he was soooo happy with her. He said yeah she knew about everything, even the ';sorta rape'; thing, and she just said that she trusted that he grew out of it.





I sorta feel as though my entire experience was belittled by this remark that he ';grew out of it';. How do you ';grow out of'; being an abusive asshole? I constantly have to deal with this from the girlfriends he had after me who insist that I'm either lying and making stuff up for attention or that he ';grew out of it'; and it really makes me feel like I'M the crazy one! It's getting to a point that I think he's actually lying to them about what happened to us (its not like he's never done it before). I know I shouldn't give a **** about what silly little girls think of me and what happened between me and him, but for some reason it only makes healing harder to know that so many people are against me. Everyone thinks I'm either lying or overexaggerating, even my own family! The only person close to understanding how I feel is my mother and my current boyfriend, but even they don't really get it and think I make too big a deal out of it.





Would you stay with someone who admitted to being abusive to their ex? Is staying with the abuser and not believing/belittling the story of his/her ex common for abuse victims to go through or is it just my screwed up community?





Thank you for your answers.What would you do if you found out your significant other really hurt someone in the past?
If you have ill feelings towards the sexual encounter, then there has been an intrusion on some level.


For centuries people have been covering up the fact that women are victimized on a regular basis. Every girl I know has had some kind of unwanted touch or more traumatic issue happen to them. By the time they turn 30, I expect the same for all of the disbelievers. I do not believe that he has changed yet. For something like this to change, there must be a traumatic happening to him. This can force you to look at your life and decide that to keep the things that you want in life, you must not cause issues that result in the loss of it Example - in a relationship the most important thing is trust. As soon as the fists fly the trust of respecting eachother's space is gone, which causes one to question what else they cannot trust about the other person.





Yes, not believing is common for alot of teens, socitey is not very forward with what is going on, so I don't blame them. Often other non-important things are exaggerated about the relationship after it is over. This doesn't help when there are accusations of abuse. Usually when abuse is mentioned, I have found that it had proved to be happening through the mouths of the accused's new girlfriends.





Ultimately it does not matter what you say, the new girl will do what she wants. Mentining potential problems for her in a relationship is all you can do. You are not crazy. Kudos to your boyfriend for the support. All you really need is your mom and him. Only rely on them and everyone else will forget for the most part, as it is most popular for us to sweep unpleasant things under the carpet.What would you do if you found out your significant other really hurt someone in the past?
im with angry face jess on this, any girl thats attractive enough for me to date wouldnt be capable of raping a guy cuz noone would say no to her.
Not care if they didn't hurt you!
You should make a police report then but you didn't instead you choose to move on. Your mum also supported you to move on. This is the past and now you have found yourself a boyfriend. It's a big deal to you now and why not then. It's not fair to drag your mum and boyfriend into your past life. A murderer also get a second chance which is sentence to life and not hang to die. You can still file a police report now if you want to. If you choose not to than or even now, than you should forget and forgive. Stop making assumption on his lying because he is your past. Hope that he truly change due to you generously give him a second chance to correct himself. I personally would not judge the person's past if I make the decision to be with him. If he lay his hand on me or rape me than I would make a police report or maybe do the same as you, just move on for good. I usually don't befriend my ex.
I saw this question. I have to answer it. It's a good question. First point abusers don't change. Period. That girl is a dumb bunny. They have to rely on bullying and control and there is NO (repeat NO) need to give that up. They simply lack empathy.





Second. There is no such thing as ';sorta rape someone';. Even if you finally relented to save your life, you were a victim. End of story.





Yes. I have had an abuser that called and said this same sort of crap. He was happy in a relationship and the girl knew about his past and I even had a kid by this douche bag. He said she was the best thing that ever happened to him and they never fought. My son was nine and spent one night. He wanted to come home because they wouldn't stop fighting. He called me last year and said that his wife left him and said she would commit suicide. He said she called him abusive.





You have crappy friends and family. The fact that your family is not protective would indicate to me that you would be involved in a crappy relationship like this. They don't want to have to do something because they are sick. Your choice of friends is also an indicator of your lack of love and protection that YOU DESERVE.





To answer the remaining questions What would you say to someone who was abusive in the past: I would say ';Adios.'; They don't change. Your instincts are spot on. I actually dated a guy who admitted to knocking his wife's teeth out. I quit calling him. I don't have any magical powers so that was that. A few months later he was wanted in connection with some crimes he committed involving nearly killing a woman he was dating. I just got done reading about this man who got sentenced to death for stabbing his girlfriend 107 times and then turned on her 5 year old son and did the same thing. His previous girlfriend testified he abused them as well.





staying with the abuser and not believing/belittling the story of his/her ex common for abuse victims to go through or is it just my screwed up community?


Yes. Most abuse victims come from horrible parents. They are pathological ill themselves. I still have trouble dealing with this. My parents watched as my ex tossed me around like a rag doll in front of them. They did nothing, They stood there and told this violent b-tard to stop. He kept right on.





So here are your action steps: Go to a woman's shelter. They have FREE support groups there. Chances are you are young and still getting a feel for all this stuff. There are people you can actually talk to so that you CAN heal. They can also get you to resoures for more counseling, This is going to take years.





I will email you with the subject ';Let's talk'; You may choose to talk or not. But then you have another source of support. I feel where you are coming from.
You need to move on %26amp; getting involved with his new relationships isn't helping you, I'm not saying this in a mean way just think your not helping your healing process questioning what his current partners think about what happened to you. Most people are not going to stop seeing someone because of what went on in a previous relationship unless murder or something so extreme like that.


We give people a chance we are all allowed/capable of changing and starting a clean slate.


At the end of the day if you really think he's putting on an act etc just think his true colours will come out eventually. I wouldn't stop seeing someone if an ex like you told me those things we all need to find things out for ourselves %26amp; most people will see it as gossip. Do you really think he's gonna be alone for ever %26amp; that every one he meets must listen to what happened to you.


Seriously move on.


The truth hurts girl, you sound like you want him back as you can't seen to keep out of his life.
Actually, if you were not there, you really don't know what happened or why. All one would be going on is third hand information. What ones partner did before they were with you is none of your business.


I would also consider the idea that maybe I was being lied to for reasons known only to that person.
People do change as does their mental state, but I completely understand what you are saying and feeling about what you went through and how all of that is kind of overlooked and passed off with a ';he grew out of it.';





However, I do believe that people grow both mentally and physically and we have all done things that we regret and later realize were terrible decisions and we know never to make them again.





It seems to me like he does realize what he did was wrong seeing as how he appologized for those things, but again I can understand your confusion.





As far as the question of would I stay with someone who told me information such as that, my answer would most likely be yes. If we constantly judged people on things that they have done in the past NO ONE would be with anyone. Granted, not everyone has doen something as hurtful or traumatizing as that, we have all done things that others might not agree with and that we feel bad about. If I truly loved and trusted the person and believed that they were sorry for what they had done and could never do the same thing again then I would definitely stay with them.





If it seemed like some sort of a game to get me to stay or they didn't seem to show any sort of remorse for their actions I would leave them, not only for fear of putting myself in danger but for the fact that they didn't see anything wrong with what they did.





Don't let anyone make you feel like you are the crazy one or you are the one who did something wrong. You two are the only people to know exactly what went on and people will choose to believe whatever they want to believe in order to make them feel better about decisions that they have made.