She cheated, she wants more in life after 22 years, what to do?

I have 2 tween kids. Our d2d is great...rarely fight. She is opinionated and I am accommodating.I work, she stays home. Two years ago my wife had an affair, although she didn't come clean on doing anything other than confiding her feelings to him, I know better. That brought it all out into the open with the 'I'm not happy and think I need more in life'. We went for counseling, we were better for a while but still very bruised and never the same trust. She thought I was cheating but I wasn't. Recently, I find out (and she doesn't know I know) there is a guy she has feelings for (at least)..but recently moved away. She says 'why do I feel like I need more when you are perfect'. She may need to move on because deep in her soul she needs more in life, but she isn't sure what? How do I deal with this? How do I resolve the infidelity in my own heart? I love her and tolerated a lot. I am starting to want to end it,... she broke my heart and trust. should I try and forgive and wait to see?She cheated, she wants more in life after 22 years, what to do?
She is not going to find whatever she is looking for in another place. This is about something lacking within her. She cannot look for 'happiness' from another person, she needs to find that within herself.





Some midlife issue, a lack of self esteem, depression?


She needs to get back into counseling and look within herself, her own ';Why'; for her behavior. Sounds more like she needs to go back to school or find some activity other than being a Mother to build herself up. She needs to work on building stronger personal boundaries to protect herself.





At two years, it's normal to still struggle with some trust issues, especially if there have been backsliding behavior on her part. Trust is earned, and she damaged that trust again.





You can look into books about meeting each other's emotional needs better (that's a two way street). A good book, ';His Needs, Her Needs';, by Dr. W. Harley


http://marriagebuilders.com/





I suggest you look into some of the following. A forum board that specializes in affair recovery will be more helpful.





Resources


A few good books:


';Not Just Friends'; by S. Glass


“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley


“After the Affair” by Springs





A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTal…





A few other helpful sites:


http://www.dearpeggy.com/


http://marriagebuilders.com/


http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/


http://www.beyondaffairs.com/


http://peterfox.com.au/index.html





A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.


http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/


http://survivinginfidelity.com/





An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:


http://www.aftertheaffair.net/





Some marriage weekend programs:


http://www.retrouvaille.org/


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/…She cheated, she wants more in life after 22 years, what to do?
she is bored. go to a website called www.askmen.com and start reading the entire section called 'dating and love' and especially the articles by doc love all about why nice guys finish last. you will get quite an insight. and you will get a course of action that will perhaps feel foreign to you but may be just what the doc ordered. try it, what have you got to lose.
she certainly wants more of what you don't have...just her go maybe its for the best...she wants to anyway so let be....she is certainly not thinking abt the kids....and the trust is not there.
Trust is like a porcelain vase--once it's broken, it will never again be the same. Forgiveness is easy; it's the forgetting that never quite happens. Start thinking more about YOUR next 22 years, and stop trying to accommodate her 'grass is always greener' attitude. Move on.
You must forgive, because that's what God says to do. You have the one reason God gives for divorce, so you could divorce her if you want to. Start looking at what you really want. Do you want a cheater? Could you ever trust her again?





One strategy you could try, if you want to continue the marriage, is reverse tactics. Start ignoring her. Turn the tables on her. Find something else to do. Don't call after her, don't look for her. When she comes home hardly even notice. Don't be mean, just become distant and unconcerned. You'll be surprised how well this works. She will come around to find out what you are doing and why you are not in her back pocket any longer. Be strong and give it a try. Right now she is too sure of you, put some mystery into the mix. It works.
Yes you have a long life together. No one is perfect. She might feel neglected in a way or not loved anymore.


This is not a easy bed to sleep in, but don't just end it all. Have you never been unfaithful in a way. Not wanting another woman at some time in your life.


I had a similar case as yours and then at 19 years of marriage it happened to me to and I were so sure it never would. We are still together, now for 34 years.


Good luck try and work it out.
why are you taking all this upon yourself. she is the one who cheated and think the grass is greener, she should be the one doing the leg work to make your relationship better. if you want out, then do it.
I would move on. you deserve to find that person that is meant for you. It is definately not your wife. Sorry to say. She may be lost without you because she ';depends'; on you, but she is only using you until something better comes along.
Dude,


you've been together for long enough to understand that there is little you can do to change her mind when she is thinking you are keeping her from, ';life';.





I think there comes a point and it sounds that you are there, where you begin to question if it is worth trying to continue.


I believe that when that point comes, and I've been there too,


you need to make it abundantly clear to her that you are tired of her crap and that you are going to put some requirements on your continued marriage.


One, that you will not accept any more infidelity. If it happens she is out the door.


Second that you love her and always have but that her behavior has destroyed whats left of your affection. It has come to the point that you expect her to start exhibiting some affection or desire or you are done with her.


Third, That if she does not care for your new found attitude that she is wecome to pack her bags and get the hell out of your house.


In fact you might come to the conclusion that she needs to leave anyway if she does not clean up her act.


It sounds like the usual BS going on where you become some kind of pack mule for the family and household and she stays at home has far too much time on her hands and ends up having affairs. All the while its becuase YOU have held her down.


What a crock of bull crap.


It may come to you putting her out the door to let her understand how good she has it.


Were it me, I would show her the door and let her know that some significant change is required or she goes out.





That normally delivers the wake up call that is too late in coming. Often when you let her know that you have had enough of her crap and will not put up with it any more the harsh reality of her actions sinks in. While she still believes that she can continue to walk across your emotions without recourse this is what you are going to get.


You have nothing to lose at this point. She has made it clear she is only around for her security. Put that in jeaprody and you may see an attitude shift. What ever you do do not leave your house. This is about her wanting more. She will not find more while staying in your house with you paying the bills. If she wants more it is a wide wide world. Go find it under some other suckers roof. Let her know you are done with this side of her.


SHOW HER THE DOOR.





Good Luck
nah, you should move on....


you all married not dating anymore cheating is not okay.


trust bw two of you will never come back as the same, so MOVE ON.
Let her go,,,she will then come back repented when she realises how stupid this whole situation was. Mark my words,,,She will come back!
it sounds like the trust has gone but the hurt has never left you. you have two choices. Either end this marriage or talk to your wife and suggest you return to counselling.
man you can either let her go, or let her enjoy some others and have you at the same time.
The answer is right in front of you. If you want this to work...Don't be so perfect yourself. You will intrigue her. Try the bad boy image. She is bored with your perfectness. You are predictable. I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings. Just give it a try. What do you have to loose? As far as the infidelity, you may never gain that same amount of trust back. But you'll never be that naive again either. If she doesn't change as a result of your change, then it's over and there is nothing you can. People will say I'm wrong but I'm telling you, you present no challenge for her currently. Just try it! Do a couple little things completely out of your character and watch her take notice. Good luck to you.
Start dating a stripper...best remedy for a broken heart.
Dude...give her what she wants...she thinks she can do


better out there...Let her go...You deserve better...If my


wife ever cheated on me, I'd be out of there so fast it


would make her head spin.





Quick question...How can you sleep with her after she was


f*ckin another guy?
like the other guy said


let her have some fun


i find it a big turn on hearing about her nights out