Am I wrong to feel this way?

This is kind of a long story but I need to know if the way I feel is wrong. I have been married and with the same man for 22 years. We have had our share of problems from infidelity, porn and strip clubs; all of which I do not like or approve of. Recently there has been a new problem that is really bothering me but he is making me feel like there is something wrong with me when it’s actually his problem. I’m so embarrassed to talk about this but I figured on here no one knows who I am and maybe I could get some opinions to help me deal with this. Ok, so here it goes.


This morning I get up to find that my husband is already up and is out in the living room watching TV. Normally I can hear the TV in my room so for some reason he has it turned down very low. I get up and come out in the living to find that he is masturbating to some porn crap on TV. The minute he sees me he turns the channel and stops what he is doing. I’m instantly mad because I had tried to have sex with him last night and he was too tired and just wanted to go to sleep but then he can get up early to masturbate to porn. So, I went back in my room and shut the door. About ½ hour goes by and he comes in my room and tells me that he is tired of me making him feel like a pervert and if I was a good wife I would have sat on the couch with him and did it for him while he watched whatever he was watching. So I said, “Let me get this straight, I’m supposed to do that for you while you are watching another woman and pretending you are actually have sex with her?” His reply was “what’s wrong with that?” I was so mad by his comment I couldn’t even reply to him. I probably wouldn’t be bothered by this if I wasn’t having sex with him on a regular basis; pretty much any time he wants that he gets it, regardless if I am tired or not in the mood.


So I waited until I had calmed down so that I could try to rationally talk to him about it and explain how it made me feel but he wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say. He said I have issues and he is a man and is going to do what a man does and I can just get over it. So now I’m thinking, fine, every time you want it you can go find something on TV and have yourself a good time! Am I wrong for feeling this way? I know a lot of my feelings stem from the fact that he has cheated and lied. I don’t know how to handle these feelings and he’s making me feel like there is something wrong with me for feeling this way.


Any opinions on how to deal with this would be appreciated because right now I feel like he would rather do that than be with me.Am I wrong to feel this way?
This is rather really a common problem, believe it or not. Men and women are wired a bit differently when it comes to sex. Some women likes the cuddling that comes with sex whereas some men needs visual stimulations, which is why some are attracted to porn. It become a problem when it's an addiction and totally replaces the kind of lovemaking you like. His take it or leave it approach doesn't work for you. Perhaps exploring this issue with a marriage counselor or a licensed sex therapist can help resolve the situation more. Good luck.Am I wrong to feel this way?
you have the right to feel that way bout that if i was in you shoes i would be upset if my spouse did something like that on me
Why are you still with him? Life's too short to spend it with someone who is rude and inconsiderate and such a chauvenistic bully.
Yeah in 1 way you are wrong but in another way you are not.
Simple answer. The porn is not a nag. And yes you should have done what he said.
Why did you stay married to this guy for 22 years?





No you aren't wrong, your husband is essentially having an affair.
I'd of knocked him over the head and if he complained about it, I would of told him, ';So? What's wrong with that?';
Hon, what he is doing to you is wrong! It sounds like he is a sex addict. There is help out there for this. You say he has done these things for 22 years? You should have been gone a long time ago. He is totally disrespecting you! This isn't your fault. there isn't anything wrong with what your saying to him. Your the normal one, he isn't. You said you tried to have sex with him the night before %26amp; he declined....but he masturbated the next morning. He has a serious problem.! Don't allow him to belittle you. You need to figure out why you stay in this marriage %26amp; why. You deserve so much more than that. Best Wishes!
I have been married coming up on 22 years. I would not have put up with even a small fraction of what you have. Why do you stay? He does not sound like a good husband at all.





There are so many issues here - I'm not sure what else to say except I'm sorry for the painful life you have chosen. You can choose a much more peaceful life you know.
You are right about why you feel the way do. Trust has been broken, and nothing I can say will fix that for you. Please look into a counselor. Even if he won't go, maybe it will give you the strength you need to make the right choice for you.
Girl. You need to slap that man silly because what he was doing was way worse than you telling him off!!! You need to seriously talk to him cause that is just wrong of him to be telling you that its your fault!! Ugh i'd be so pissed!!!
Wow.





First..let me say that NO this is not normal behavior from him and NO you should not just accept it as normal. He has very little respect for you if any. I would say he is addicted to porn and his mind set is typical of someone in that situation. He will not come out of this without professional help and, odds are, will not seek help until it has totally ruined his life.





Now...the question is...what are you supposed to do?





First, realize that he needs help at this point.





Second, he did not get here over night. Odds are, there are marital issues that may have contributed (but this is not a certain thing so don;t take that wrong) The point is that you will need couples counseling.





Third, if he is unwilling to seek help (and from the sound of it he is not willing to admit he is wrong) you will need to be ready to give him an ultimatum. Get help or we are through.





This is not an easy path. You have a long road ahead. I wish you the best. But there is not easy answer or quick fix for this issue.
Porn should never be a replacement for real sex in a marriage. He sounds addicted, porn addiction can damage a marriage badly.





PS. If it'd make you feel better, take his credit card and spend til your hearts content, if he complains just tell him ';I'm a woman and I'm gonna do what a woman does!'; LOL





Kidding, but good luck.
Sometimes men just get tired of having sex with their own wife and want to have diversity in their sex lives. I think it is very disrespectful for a man to say that it's not wrong to pretend having sex with another woman. When a man and woman are married and are in true love, all they should think about is having sex with each other and not anyone else.
If it was just This incident I'd say you're over reacting. BUT he's cheated and refused you sex. My husband has done the same exact thing (meaning the porn and masturbation thing) I was pissed, got over it and moved on. You, on the other hand, have more reason to be pissed and stay pissed. I'm not exactly sure what the answer is but you need to re-evaluate your marriage and decide what your next step will be. You are justified in your anger.
Girl I feel the same way, I just posted something similar to this. I just don't understand men when they get married it is like they just can not leave that single life alone. I felt hurt when I kept finding porn on my husband's computer. I just don't know what to do. I tried improving my looks, I'm exercising. I even asked my husband if I could get a piercing like those women on the video, but he do not want me to. I just don't understand it! I even thought about doing some of the stuff that I see in the porn video's but he do not want me to, I am confused,so so confused and it hurts because I do not know what he want sexually. I even asked him one day what is his fantasies and all he say was that I was his fantasy, but I'm thinking in my head, how can I be your fantasy when your watching that durn porn whenever I'm not around. I felt hurt, deep deep pain, because I feel like that this will always be the Monster that rears its ugly lil head in our marriage.
Maybe doing stuff with you is just getting a little old... You guys should try something new. But make sure you catch him in a good mood.
As a man, even if he had never physically cheated on you, he is still cheating on you by watching pornography.





Matthew 5:28 - But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.





If you really want this to end, he needs to recognize that what he is doing is called sin, and he is not honoring his marriage vows.





I have a great idea for you.





Rent the movie FIREPROOF tonight!!! It deals specifically with the importance of marriage as a sacred institution designed by God, and the problems that pornography can lead to in a marriage. Don't wait, and watch it with your husband.





God Bless You.
I pretty much agree with your husband - you have issues.


He could be more considerate, sure, but it sounds like you need to lighten up.
I think you're making a bigger deal out of porn than it is. Most if not all men watch it. They aren't ';imagining'; having sex with those women, it's just release for them and it's not about sex or intimacy nor even does it have anything to do with you.