Getting your husband to communicate with you?

My husband and I have been going through a VERY rocky time. I suspect a possible affair on his part. I have so much on my mind and I have so much I want to say, yet, he shuts down when it comes up. He stares right through me, with nothing to say. He says why focus in the past when we should be trying to focus on our future and fixing us? I agree, but unless I am allowed to have my say and my issues addressed, I dont see how I can let go of the past and move towards the future. Any suggestions on opening up the door of communication, and helping him to be at ease with talking to me and allowing me to have my say? All I want is to talk and be rational, not come off like a b*tch. Besides the suspected infidelity, there are other issues, but, again, i get the silent treatment. And only when we try to talk serious. If we let our problems go, you'd swear we were newly weds. But this isnt healthy and life IS NOT perfect. Problems need to be dealt w/ too. Any suggestions???Getting your husband to communicate with you?
Oh Lordy, what a pickle!





You say that you SUSPECT a possible affair but do you have any proof? Or is that the problem - you think he has had an affair and you can't accept his answer if he tells you he has not?





No relationship can survive without communicaton and problems will not disappear if you just sweep them under the carpet, you need closure to the issues that are having a detrimental affect on you both.





Your hubby cannot and should not just bury his head in the sand and hope that all your problems will just go away - women aren't programmed to ignore these situations, we have to have the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth before we can ever hope of moving forward.





Men are all too willing to try and ignore problems and the only thing that happens is that it breeds resentment and resentment can eat away at a relationship like a cancer. Women are strong and we can take the truth, even if it hurts - I think his attitude is extremely unfair, he should at least acknowledge your feelings and tell you what you want to know.





Is your relationship important to him? If it was then he should at least be prepared to compromise and meet you halfway.





As long as you approach these discussions with an open mind, in a non judgemental fashion, I fail to see on what grounds he could possibly refuse you the right to air your views.Getting your husband to communicate with you?
Guys don't talk. It's just the way it is. They want a hooker in bed and a maid to clean up after them. If you are more than that to him - consider yourself lucky. It ain't easy unless you find a reasonable guy.
You sound like a very understanding wife/woman. You're offering up your attention to fix this and he's backing down. Why don't you stop talking to him and tell him to come to you when he's man enough to face his fear. If he is cheating, then he's scared to tell you. All you can do is be honest and caring. Stop pushing him to talk. Let him go and if he wants to communicate, then he will. If not, then he wants out but doesn't have the balls to do it.
You might consider counseling then. Obviously you and he can't comminucate and have needs that aren't being addressed. Perhaps with a 3rd party guiding and monitoring the discussing, and acting as a sort of referee, you will be able constructively say what's on your mind.


If he's telling you you ned to focus on the future, not the past, then counseling needs to be how you focus. If he's going to ignore you and blow you off over counseling, then I think you should go to your own counselor without him to work out your feelings and emotions.
All you really can do at this point is tell him how you feel about things. The rest will be up to him. If he has cheated on you and you don't have any proof.............He is NEVER going to tell you unless he is in a drunken stupper.......So let go of that or get him drunk which ever you prefer. Do you REALLY want to know anyway?


Men are strange creatures and I myself have been having this exact issue. I am not sure why he won't talk but he won't and it is driving me NUTS! So what can I do..........I pretty much gave him my say ans I am trying to press on....I am letting him come to me at his own pace which I have to remember may be never......But I let him know there is nothing or nobody that can split us us. I will be there for him for ANY reason and leave it at that.....It is really hard but I am just trying to do what I think I should do and enjoy my kids.
Yep, I've been there before. However I've grown up, big time!





I've come to realise that men behave %26amp; think very much differently to women. We want to communicate our feelings, get it off our chest and so on. Whereas men don't understand that need to get it all out.





I was driving myself insane thinking it could be another woman (yes, we had other issues too) and maybe there was, but i decided that unless I had concrete proof then it was just speculation.





As we had reached rock bottom, (I was ready for a divorce even though I still loved him, but we couldn't keep living that way), I started focussing on myself, looking to the positives, pushing myself careerwise but yet being calm, doing the normal household chores and going out with friends(which I wouldn't normally do cos we'd always be together). Then I started to notice changes, the odd late night outings slowly disappeared, he was doing more things at home, I'd come home and dinner was waiting for me and more.





What I'm really saying is try worrying less for now, the less attention is given, I suspect that is when you would see a change. Don't be nasty in anyway or show any frustrations, be your normal self speak to him just the way you would before now and treat him like nothings happened.





Lol, I think that might just do the trick. Men are like babies, I think he is getting too much attention and can see what he is doing to you.


Good luck, hope it works.
You must get his attention. You do not have it, or else he would be eager to listen. You both probably need to talk to a family and marriage counselor. If you can not get him to talk to one-then you should leave him immediately. Only agree to talk to him through a counselor. Sorry, but I see a divorce in your future.