In your opinion, where is the line for checking a suspected cheating spouse's texts drawn?

In my opinion,if there is probable cause, and all the signs point to infidelity then it is the lesser of the two evils. This specifically relates to my situation with my wife. See my other questions for details. I had a growing suspicion that grew over time, I just had no proof. So, while she was sleeping I hacked her cellphone and found text's such as : ';Baby, this is kind of weird texting u. I really and truly do love u babe and I hope that u can believe me'; and other explicit messages. And pictures of her in her bra with some dudes name in eyeliner on her breasts. Was I justified in finding evidence by these means to confirm my heavily supported suspicion? I have copied all the dates, times and word for word quotes to many places on multiple hard disks. How do you think I should confront her with this evidence? How should I deal with her denial in case she explains it away as misunderstanding. You would have to stretch to misinterpret the above quote. Don't you think?In your opinion, where is the line for checking a suspected cheating spouse's texts drawn?
David T, you're honestly telling us if it was your wife, you wouldn't do anything about it because you respect her privacy ?. C'mon! be honest with yourself.





Confront your wife and tell her what you told us. Get it out in the open. She may admit or lie through her teeth. Either way, you have the right to know. You're her husband remember? 'Cause if you cheated, she would do the same thing.In your opinion, where is the line for checking a suspected cheating spouse's texts drawn?
Which is the worst of the two evils, your snooping or her cheating!?! Everyone has an inner voice, tell her you listened to yours for once...What, you think she is going to be angry you looked? Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Keep it to yourself and contact a lawyer before confronting her if leaving is on the table.
I believe that once you marry, there is no privacy unless one of you is in the bathroom and would like some privacy.





That is my opinion.





Did you read that Dope's answeer calling it her ';private life';??? Is he FREAKING KIDDING??? Ultimately, a husband and wife are responsible or each other in the EYES OF THE LAW on ALL ISSUES.....you don't get a ';private life'; when you are married....if you want a ';private life';- STAY SINGLE!
Tell her you hacked into her phone. You knew what you were doing and you got your evidence. Why be apologetic? She was clearly lying to you and being deceptive. She can hardly be upset since she was in fact hiding something.
When you're attacked, you fight back.


When people deceive you, you have to deceive them in order to get at the truth they concealed from you. It's self-defense.


If it's wrong, at least it's not stupid.
well i can say she is guilty! If she denies it that's going to be weird cause u got proof of it! Show her the proof and then get a divorce if that's what u want. If u want her to go to counseling.
I think you have enough evidence to sufficiantly support a divorce, and I would be doing that before she brings home any skanky disease to you.
I'd be kicking her sorry *** to the curb. And David T says to ';leave it alone';??? WHAT??? She is cheating - plain and simple. Emotional cheating at the very least...but likely much more than that.
And thats why women in dubai dont get to have cells
As soon as you say I do, I dont think that going through her cell phone is wrong. I mean I DO means I DO forever, not when it's convenient for me or you.


I know that if I thought my husband was cheating, I'd go through his phone, emails - whatever I could get my hands on.


Though the bad thing about suspision and you start to snoop - sadly you may find something. In this situation you did.


I'd print out everything and lay it out in front of her. Let her dig herself into a bigger hole.


I'm sorry you had to see all that.
Been there, just done it. I too had my suspensions of my husbands extra activities. So I took the liberty of installing a spyware program on my pc. Well sure enough I hit pay-dirt!!


Like you I made copys of all the conversations in emails. And kept them for future reference. I then let him see that I had been visiting other dating sites. He is a member of one the sites, so he hits me with an email stating, how he had caught me red-handed getting on dating sites. Naturally I blew his azz outta the water with my findings. He decided he'd rather have me than them. Of course I'm keeping the spyware installed...in case I need it again...you have the evidence, use it...
Sounds to me like she has been cheating on you, and you now have evidence. Yet you still want to hear total strangers tell you you are right in being upset.





The question is...What will you do about it?


Because if you are willing to live like this, then it's your choice.





But, personally, I'd have contacted a lawyer by now! Life is too short to spend it on being unhappy and with someone who does not respect us, IMO.


Good luck at whatever you decide to do.
I feel it all has to do with what your gut is telling you. If you feel there is something going on, then you have a duty to yourself and your marriage to check it out. I have all the passwords to my husband's stuff, but even he admitted that if I hadn't found the messages he was saying to his ex then it may have gotten out of hand. He's actually happy I found it. It can go either way. I don't feel it's an invasion of privacy, because you have to be able to trust the person you're married to. I trust my husband, but I hadn't checked his messages in like 3 months, and during that time something was telling me to do so. I thought I was giving him space by not checking, but instead I found messages. I trusted him that he had stopped talking to her, and he lied. I don't check his stuff now, but he says he wants to work on things, and I believe him. I haven't had that gut wrenching feeling anymore.
Can you say invasion of privacy?





Does she go on the computer and find out all the porn sites you visit?





You don't have any right to pry into her private life unless you have physical evidence of her cheating. Text messages on a cell phone are just that ... messages. Maybe she's engaged in cyber cell phone sex, who knows. Just leave it alone.