What is considered a ';deal breaker'; in a marriage?

Besides the obvious like abuse and infidelity, what are other things that can be considered ';deal breakers';? I'm asking because I'm quite unhappy. I feel like my husband pretended to be someone else just so I'd marry him. Now, his views and interests are completely different. I also had open arms when it came to his kids. I've been stolen from, lied to, screamed at, kicked, and taken advantage of by them and he says there's nothing he can do because he has no proof. Shouldn't I be his proof? I've never lied to him or given him any reason to distrust me.





I just feel like he has ripped me out of the chance to find someone I really connect with. The only reason I am still with him is because we have children that he loves dearly as much as they love him.





I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like we can make it, then he says something that reminds me how he lied to me before we were married. We can't communicate; he refuses to have serious discussions. I'm at my wits end.What is considered a ';deal breaker'; in a marriage?
It sounds like you are in a position where you firmly believe with your mind that it is time to leave, but believe with your heart that things will change. Change cannot happen without proper motivation and work. You sound as if you allow things to happen to you so that everyone else can be happy. If you are suffering, though, others close to you suffer as well. A husband (or wife) should be someone that you can turn to and trust to help you with any problems you have and help you deal with hardships. This doesn't always mean agreeing with your spouse, but it does mean reaching understandings. I can't properly give you advice without knowing you because there are other things that bind you to your spouse. I can only suggest what I feel I would do in a similar situation. The children make it a difficult situation, but I definitely wouldn't want my children exposed to violent and disrespectful children such as you describe your husband's children. I believe it may be time for a ';trial separation,'; but beware of lies. He may say he loves you and he will do anything to have you come back, but in the end actions are all that matter. Allow your children to see their father whenever they wish, though. They are obviously the most important thing to you. Good luck with your marriage. I truly hope that you can reach a solution that makes you, your husband, and most importantly your children happy.What is considered a ';deal breaker'; in a marriage?
I am a firm believer that a marriage should be based on communication and an understanding. If you don't have that and there is no way to solve it. It is time to move on. It is very sad to look back and see that you have wasted so many years unhappy. Try to work it out but if it want work out. Move on..
A deal-breaker is a wife that does not listen to her husband. The man is the leader by birth right and women today do not want to submit. If you just give in to him, your life will probably be better. Remember: most divorces are because of women
People do change and their views change as they get older. If there are times you feel like you can make it then you can. Marriage is about happiness and unhappiness, there are times you feel both ways. Always work it out if you can.
If this is making you so unhappy i will suggest you to divorce. He can still see his kids and all that stuff. you know the old say ';momma ain't happy nobody is harpy';


good luck





And also there is no way you can trust a liar
I think you should leave him.


Do not stay just for the kids. You will just make them miserable as well.


Get yourself in a position to leave and then go ...fast as you can.
A deal breaker? That is up to you. Sounds like you've found it. A spouse that will not communicate and lies doesn't sound like much of a spouse. You have to decide what you will accept.
Your situation would be enough of a deal breaker for me. He had you marry him under false pretenses. Yes, your word should be enough proof. Staying for the kids does not do anyone any good.
if you have tried, and are tired of trying, tell him





marriage is work... 24 hours a day


and some days its easier then others
That final decision is of course yours to make...I can only say it does sound like you've been put through the mill, and if there is no communication...there is little you can do...and staying in a relationship that is that emmotionally damageing is not what is best for the children...You have to access the situation and decide if some changes need to take place. You can't change other people, and you can't fix them either. They have to be ther own project on that one. I wish you well. Take care.
The deal breaker is not showing you the respect and HONESTY that you deserve. People can and do make mistakes, crap happens. But to lie and not own up to stuff and the just overall disrespect makes me sick.....


Im sorry that you are going through this, I know your pain way to well. Im living in something very similar right now as we speak and im at my wits end with it all...


You can email me if you would like to vent...


Very good luck to you in whatever you decide.
For me, it would be if my husband just up and decided that I was going to be a housewife. Or if he wanted me to sit my *** at home and cook and clean all day. I know it might sound silly to a lot of people, but I love to work and go to school and Im a good wife, but I refuse to sit at home being a housewife. Another thing would be if he got aggressive with me sexually. Neither of these things I have to worry about though. If youre that uhappy, then try counseling if you can afford it. But if your hubby is not willing to try, give him an ultimatum and dont give in. Or if these options doing excite you, just file for divorce and get it over with. Good luck
You have been abused- why did you allow this to happen? You are worth more than that!





If you are unhappy, do what you must in order to achieve that happiness. But please mark my words, no one is really happy all of the time. The grass is always greener. But just because happiness is extremely difficult to achieve and hold on to for very long doesn't mean you don't deserve it- neither does it mean you should not try to attain it. You should. It is noble that you love those kids, and that you love your husband. But what about yourself? Do you love who you are?





Please, get counseling immediately for you and your husband. The marriage will fail if you don't. He has to be willing to cooperate with you. If he is not willing to compromise, then you can walk away. You can leave him. You are WORTH SOMETHING IN THIS WORLD- and if he is blind to this fact, he is the loser, not you.





Although you have been abused, you aren't a victim. Even if you are, you can't maintain a victim mentality. Take control of your life now. Be brave and be bold. Get what you want. Ask for it. Obtain it. Don't let anything nor anyone stand in your way.





Be good to yourself. Seize the day, and the night as well. Enjoy your life, and stand up for yourself. No one else will do it for you, my dear.





God bless.
deal breaker?? hmm i think..... its obvious that when you cant communicate that is it.





you gotta talk to him again, try everything if you can, txt him, email him, letter, confronting, whatever there is. start off with lighter discussion, if you cant communicate, all the more you shouldnt start off with complex discussion right? tell him both of you need to chat more, try to understand each other more, then let him know that hes totally different before and after marriage and that you cant accept it, but indicate you will try to understand him and you hope he do try to be more open into serious conversations.





if nothing done even with this, tell him you need serious conversations with him, say that both you must solve out your problems, be it for the children' sake. if he still see no need for this, i think you gotta leave, cant communicate always lead to failure marriage, whether its about in laws, kids etc.





Good luck