Dear readers...
I have been with my partner for 5 years. We never dated. We met in a cult and pretty much stuck to the no dating rules. LOL But we did become ';roommates'; and have been in a relationship living together ever since. After 6 months, we were kicked out of the group. I was in the cult for 5 years and my partner was only there for 2. So I was devastated and living in a city where I knew no one and my partner had many friends. From now on my partner will be referred to as Partner.
HISTORY
I did have a nervous breakdown from the first month we were kicked and was a sappy sort for almost 2 years about it. Despite all the friends that he introduced me to, I was still miserable. I became good friends with Partner's family and even Partner's first love and their fiancee and we would hang out a bit.
Eventually Partner got fed up with my misery and my want to go back to the cult that Partner started hanging with friends without me and connecting back with other friends. Then Partner ran across the EX Partner left to join the cult group. They had an affair and meet a few times. But when the lover wanted Partner to leave me, and I found out, Partner stopped all communication with EX.
I went to counseling and eventually got over not going back to the cult. We became to understand each other; that we had been together only a few months and we did not know each other well, that we did not expect each other to behave as we did. But we decided to work through it. I promised to work through my depression, and Partner was an open book with telephone records, passwords, bills, credit card usage... everything.
QUESTION
Now what I want to understand is this. Since Partner created the first sexual experience for ';EX'; years before I came around, and then with the affair, why should they keep in touch or why should they not keep in touch? I ask this because I want to be objective. I have de-virginized someone before and they still send me a message 10 years later that I can always go back to them. Of course- I would not consider it. I believe in staying friends with Exs because I believe that if you loved once then how could you not care later?
DISCUSSION
So now that Partner has proven faithful for 4 years I don't know how I feel about Partner keeping in touch with EX. But it is up for discussion. Here are the sides.
SIDE 1
EX does have an early treatable cancer and still wants Partner to leave me. Partner feels that Partner proves love for me, is not distracted by EX, our future is priority, and that Partner can have friends without acting inappropriate. Partner adds that because of Ex's first time that Ex will never forget Partner. Partner feels that this should not be a big deal because the only intentions that matter, ours, are clear. (And for those that ask why are we not married legally - we don't believe in the relationship between government and marriage. It's not like marriage stops infidelity anyway. HAHAHA)
SIDE 2
FEAR! FEAR!! This might turn into something that I can't control. And that it might change my life. Acting possessive, jealous, and insecure will only break us quicker. Maybe I feel resentment that I must accept.
What do the reader think?Does Virginity Matter that much?
You must demand that he stop communicating with her in any way. You're depressed because you're being treated like crap. If he refuses to stop talking to the EX, then you'll have to leave.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
Just to add... because of a previous answer I got... I do help with the dog and I do love the thing, and this is not all about a dog, its about 6 years of suppressed anger, please read on...
OK I'm going to leave out all the unimportant details or i'd be typing all day here... I'm in need of some serious advice. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married since June 27th 2009. Once we got married it was like it all went downhill from there. We were in the process of building a house which finally completed on Aug 27th 2009 and we moved in the following weekend. Ever since we'd been in the house it was nothing but fighting fighting fighting... arguing over very stupid stuff and just kinda picking at eachother. Well on sept 27th there was a huge blow out in the middle of the night in regards to the puppy ( a pit bull) my husband decided to get which I said i was ok with as long as he took care of it... I have too much other stress to deal with a puppy, well he wouldn't get up and let the dog out even though he didn't have to work the next day and I did and it ended up being a complete blow out because he thought I should've done it because his birthday was the next day... The next 3 days were horrible. We fought every night, screaming matches... he left the next 3 nights in a row and I basically went nuts, no joke... sat with our 2 year old daughter on his moving car to get him to stay. Well I ended up admitting myself into the psych ward on Oct 1st because of advice from close family, friends and of course my husband. Well come to find out, the whole time I was in the hospital he was partyin it up and pawning our daughter off on grandparents. The night he dropped me off when he left he went to a well known night club where we live and ran into his high school girlfriends brother, got her phone number and texted her all night including a text saying he thought he might be ';going through the big D and didn't mean dallas.'; 2 days later he texted her inviting her to hang out with him. I found out about this all in my own ways and he admitted to it. He says my going to the hospital was my way to cope and his way to cope was to rebel. I have been a very controlling untrusting jealous person throughout our entire relationship all due to things that have happened to me in the past. I have since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He did nothing more than text the girl and did not hang out with her, but because of infidelity in a previous relationship of mine and my promise to myself to never put myself through this again, I continue to struggle. I know most of your responses will be get rid of him, but something i haven't quite explained here is what a good man he really is. He has put up with a lot from me in the last 6 years and I think we both had our breaking points at the same time. His actions were completely and utterly out of character for him. Everyone who knew him was completely baffled by what he had done. I got out of the psych ward and I have a new outlook on life. I am currently ungergoing EMDR treatments for the BPD and am in counseling regularly. My husband buys me cards, flowers praises me everyday, apologizes everyday, says he is more in love with me now than ever... I have a hard time believeing him, but shouldn't I?? He'd be gone if he didn't want to be with me. No one is holding him hostage... I don't know how to forgive him for what he did. I know I did a lot to him, but what he did put a huge hole in my heart and if any of you know anythign about BPD I go from mad to sad at the drop of a hat and one minute I want to cry about it, one minute I am full of rage. I cry about it and he lets me verbally bash him when I get this way, takes it like a man because he knows what he did was wrong. I want to stop punishing him for rebelling after my years of mistreating him and I want to forgive what he did although I may never forget... I know I am rambling and this is a long story, thanks to all who took the time to read and thanks for any advice any of you can give. I am torn and lost and not sure which direction to go here... Please no verbal bashing... not good for me right now.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
I think you might want to continue your therapy and medication(if you are on any) before making any decisions about your marriage.If you just recently started treatment, you certainly have to give your therapy some time to really work out your past issues. You do not sound as though you really know what you want right now. On one hand you say you are to blame, and then you state that you do not know how to forgive him. I can only tell you that if your marriage is going to last, trust between the two of you must be unconditional. I think there are plenty od issues here and time will only tell. You might want your husband to go into marriage counseling too. It usually takes two to create problems, and two people to save a marriage.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
Listen to yourself. You were both wrong. When you get upset go do something, release the energy. Keep yourself busy. Talk to friends, make new friends. You may not feel up to it but do it every day. Pray. God bless you.
I suggest you call a marriage counselor before your marriage gets any more out of hand. You go first and bring him later.
OK I'm going to leave out all the unimportant details or i'd be typing all day here... I'm in need of some serious advice. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married since June 27th 2009. Once we got married it was like it all went downhill from there. We were in the process of building a house which finally completed on Aug 27th 2009 and we moved in the following weekend. Ever since we'd been in the house it was nothing but fighting fighting fighting... arguing over very stupid stuff and just kinda picking at eachother. Well on sept 27th there was a huge blow out in the middle of the night in regards to the puppy ( a pit bull) my husband decided to get which I said i was ok with as long as he took care of it... I have too much other stress to deal with a puppy, well he wouldn't get up and let the dog out even though he didn't have to work the next day and I did and it ended up being a complete blow out because he thought I should've done it because his birthday was the next day... The next 3 days were horrible. We fought every night, screaming matches... he left the next 3 nights in a row and I basically went nuts, no joke... sat with our 2 year old daughter on his moving car to get him to stay. Well I ended up admitting myself into the psych ward on Oct 1st because of advice from close family, friends and of course my husband. Well come to find out, the whole time I was in the hospital he was partyin it up and pawning our daughter off on grandparents. The night he dropped me off when he left he went to a well known night club where we live and ran into his high school girlfriends brother, got her phone number and texted her all night including a text saying he thought he might be ';going through the big D and didn't mean dallas.'; 2 days later he texted her inviting her to hang out with him. I found out about this all in my own ways and he admitted to it. He says my going to the hospital was my way to cope and his way to cope was to rebel. I have been a very controlling untrusting jealous person throughout our entire relationship all due to things that have happened to me in the past. I have since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He did nothing more than text the girl and did not hang out with her, but because of infidelity in a previous relationship of mine and my promise to myself to never put myself through this again, I continue to struggle. I know most of your responses will be get rid of him, but something i haven't quite explained here is what a good man he really is. He has put up with a lot from me in the last 6 years and I think we both had our breaking points at the same time. His actions were completely and utterly out of character for him. Everyone who knew him was completely baffled by what he had done. I got out of the psych ward and I have a new outlook on life. I am currently ungergoing EMDR treatments for the BPD and am in counseling regularly. My husband buys me cards, flowers praises me everyday, apologizes everyday, says he is more in love with me now than ever... I have a hard time believeing him, but shouldn't I?? He'd be gone if he didn't want to be with me. No one is holding him hostage... I don't know how to forgive him for what he did. I know I did a lot to him, but what he did put a huge hole in my heart and if any of you know anythign about BPD I go from mad to sad at the drop of a hat and one minute I want to cry about it, one minute I am full of rage. I cry about it and he lets me verbally bash him when I get this way, takes it like a man because he knows what he did was wrong. I want to stop punishing him for rebelling after my years of mistreating him and I want to forgive what he did although I may never forget... I know I am rambling and this is a long story, thanks to all who took the time to read and thanks for any advice any of you can give. I am torn and lost and not sure which direction to go here... Please no verbal bashing... not good for me right now.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
I think you might want to continue your therapy and medication(if you are on any) before making any decisions about your marriage.If you just recently started treatment, you certainly have to give your therapy some time to really work out your past issues. You do not sound as though you really know what you want right now. On one hand you say you are to blame, and then you state that you do not know how to forgive him. I can only tell you that if your marriage is going to last, trust between the two of you must be unconditional. I think there are plenty od issues here and time will only tell. You might want your husband to go into marriage counseling too. It usually takes two to create problems, and two people to save a marriage.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
Listen to yourself. You were both wrong. When you get upset go do something, release the energy. Keep yourself busy. Talk to friends, make new friends. You may not feel up to it but do it every day. Pray. God bless you.
I suggest you call a marriage counselor before your marriage gets any more out of hand. You go first and bring him later.
Physically Spazzing on Manipulating Boyfriend Who Wouldnt Leave Me Alone?
How is one to behave when they have had enough? When you get to that point where you realize just how far someone has pushed you outside of your personality and sound mind? When a female becomes pregnant twice, afraid, neglected, miscarries, has numerous surgical removals of he child, and is made to feel like her sorrow is ridiculous and she should get over it and want to go for a walk in the park the day after her losses鈥ow is that female to carry that? When she moves hours away from her element in attempts to secure her relationship after being made to feel like she made things worse by being so far away, how does she rebuild? When she becomes suspicious and her gut tells her that he鈥檚 cheating on her while he insists that he鈥檚 being faithful, how does she clear the fog in her head? When she starts seeing more obvious signs of infidelity and confronts him, only for him to make her feel as though she鈥檚 insecure, paranoid, and should see a shrink, how does she confirm her sanity? When she wants to leave because she feels herself slipping, but is unable because she doesn鈥檛 have the money to, and has to allow him to come and go as he pleases, how does she maintain her former sense of independence? When she starts to break down inside because she cant understand how anyone could be so cruel to her, how can she avoid accepting that she may have to deal with this until she is financially stable? When her overwhelming grief and loneliness over losses of children, complete alienation by he who says he cares for her, and knowledge that she allowed this to ruin her pathway to a PhD, how can she stay calm?
How is one to behave when the moment comes in which her every suspicion is finally confirmed? When you realize that you were no more than a house pet to use at his convenience for years鈥hen he blames you for his cheating and disrespect鈥?When you register that this mind warping has gone on for this long and he took advantage of all you could possibly do for him鈥hen you realize that from all surgeries your chances of conceiving with someone who could truly love you have been shot..when you feel like you gave and gave and he took advantage of all things I hold dear鈥fter it all, you ask him to get away from you and quit hurting and he still wont leave鈥hen it all ends in a physical struggle because youre thinking about everything you鈥檝e lost, but still holding on to a shred of dignity in knowing im still alive through all of this鈥hen he throws you across the room when you insist that he leaves and you retaliate in defense of your physical pain and everything he鈥檚 put you thru鈥hen youre at work the next day bruised, limping, and in shock that it actually led to something like this鈥?br>
Why is it that I still feel like everything is my fault and that it was wrong to finally fight back? All the lying, the cheating, the alienation for so long鈥?allowing me to feel crazy and cry to sleep at night because he wont go away, but he can never love me or what was to be my children鈥 feel like I should be the one to apologize, but I know I didn鈥檛 do anything wrong outside of that last aggressive incident鈥?br>
And how can someone tear another down for so long if they can never love them anyway?
I know I sound pathetic to have let this happen鈥ut I still feel like I did something wrong in hitting him.Physically Spazzing on Manipulating Boyfriend Who Wouldnt Leave Me Alone?
Frist off you know why no one answered you but good old Brutal Honesty? BECUASE most people are doing the same thing! You know how you feel like YOU failed? YOU DID!!!!!! GREATLY!!!!!! You actually spent the whole darn thing explaining to me (because I can see how relationships actually work) how you FAILED YOURSELF!!!!!! Thats right, man you hate yourself, no offense, your anger at you for something, not being pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, somethings allowing you to kick your own butt so that you were willing to tolerate this behavior. Also yes the big fight was wrong becuase that propietates you loving him. Which your not going to understand because you don't understand the true nature of love. You thought love was enough, this is the lesson you need to learn';
LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH, NEVER, NEVER EVER!!!!! ITS HOW YOU LOVE, HOW, H O W!!!!!! THAT TRULY MATTERS!!!!!!!!!
You see how that works, you based your entire relaitonship with the assumption that love would help you thru it. What you didn't see is that he didn't have any intentions of changing HOW he loves you, he was contempt in abusing you and neglecting you, becuase YOU ARE THE SAME WAY TO YOURSELF!!!! He took advantage of your weakness of self, weather he realized that or not isn't the points, so people get these skills from their parents. All that aside you think to much to justify your own self neglect in attemps to keep this guy around. Shoot I have an extra room in southeast oklahoma I could keep you up in until you figure this crap out, but lets not go there. The point is THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT!!!!!! YOU KEPT YOURSELF FROM SEEING A WAY OUT!!!!! So this is all your fault I can't say that enough, you won't see that for sometime, the cool thing is thou, your smart enough to feel it. So ether you CUT him out of your life, or your still loving him, your stilling failing you, and that makes it your fault. Which means this whole hell you've lived with, is your fault because you picked him, sorry that would be your frist step in recovery.
Sorry but true love, true friendship is about understanding a person enough to know when to brow-beat them, and when to give them a great big hug. This guy, you should of know to leave. So I'm going to brow-beat you, if you do, man I got a hug for you!need help with itchy pubic hair loan
How is one to behave when the moment comes in which her every suspicion is finally confirmed? When you realize that you were no more than a house pet to use at his convenience for years鈥hen he blames you for his cheating and disrespect鈥?When you register that this mind warping has gone on for this long and he took advantage of all you could possibly do for him鈥hen you realize that from all surgeries your chances of conceiving with someone who could truly love you have been shot..when you feel like you gave and gave and he took advantage of all things I hold dear鈥fter it all, you ask him to get away from you and quit hurting and he still wont leave鈥hen it all ends in a physical struggle because youre thinking about everything you鈥檝e lost, but still holding on to a shred of dignity in knowing im still alive through all of this鈥hen he throws you across the room when you insist that he leaves and you retaliate in defense of your physical pain and everything he鈥檚 put you thru鈥hen youre at work the next day bruised, limping, and in shock that it actually led to something like this鈥?br>
Why is it that I still feel like everything is my fault and that it was wrong to finally fight back? All the lying, the cheating, the alienation for so long鈥?allowing me to feel crazy and cry to sleep at night because he wont go away, but he can never love me or what was to be my children鈥 feel like I should be the one to apologize, but I know I didn鈥檛 do anything wrong outside of that last aggressive incident鈥?br>
And how can someone tear another down for so long if they can never love them anyway?
I know I sound pathetic to have let this happen鈥ut I still feel like I did something wrong in hitting him.Physically Spazzing on Manipulating Boyfriend Who Wouldnt Leave Me Alone?
Frist off you know why no one answered you but good old Brutal Honesty? BECUASE most people are doing the same thing! You know how you feel like YOU failed? YOU DID!!!!!! GREATLY!!!!!! You actually spent the whole darn thing explaining to me (because I can see how relationships actually work) how you FAILED YOURSELF!!!!!! Thats right, man you hate yourself, no offense, your anger at you for something, not being pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, somethings allowing you to kick your own butt so that you were willing to tolerate this behavior. Also yes the big fight was wrong becuase that propietates you loving him. Which your not going to understand because you don't understand the true nature of love. You thought love was enough, this is the lesson you need to learn';
LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH, NEVER, NEVER EVER!!!!! ITS HOW YOU LOVE, HOW, H O W!!!!!! THAT TRULY MATTERS!!!!!!!!!
You see how that works, you based your entire relaitonship with the assumption that love would help you thru it. What you didn't see is that he didn't have any intentions of changing HOW he loves you, he was contempt in abusing you and neglecting you, becuase YOU ARE THE SAME WAY TO YOURSELF!!!! He took advantage of your weakness of self, weather he realized that or not isn't the points, so people get these skills from their parents. All that aside you think to much to justify your own self neglect in attemps to keep this guy around. Shoot I have an extra room in southeast oklahoma I could keep you up in until you figure this crap out, but lets not go there. The point is THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT!!!!!! YOU KEPT YOURSELF FROM SEEING A WAY OUT!!!!! So this is all your fault I can't say that enough, you won't see that for sometime, the cool thing is thou, your smart enough to feel it. So ether you CUT him out of your life, or your still loving him, your stilling failing you, and that makes it your fault. Which means this whole hell you've lived with, is your fault because you picked him, sorry that would be your frist step in recovery.
Sorry but true love, true friendship is about understanding a person enough to know when to brow-beat them, and when to give them a great big hug. This guy, you should of know to leave. So I'm going to brow-beat you, if you do, man I got a hug for you!
What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
Senator McCain loves to tell the story of how McCain dreamed of his wife and children while he was a POW in Vietnam. Most people assume that Cindy McCain is the wife in question. However, he would have actually been thinking of his first wife, Carol McCain. She was a successful swimwear model when she became Mrs. John McCain back in 1965.
When McCain returned from Vietnam in 1973, he found out that she had been disfigured in a car crash. Doctors were forced to cut away portions of her legs and she went from 5′9″ to 5′4″. Instead of standing by his wife, Senator McCain divorced her and 18 months later married Cindy McCain who was of course the heir to a beer fortune. He promised to pay Carol’s medical bills for life as part of their divorce, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that he abandoned his wife. When he returned, he said that he was happy to see his wife, though his friends say that in secret, Senator McCain was “‘appalled’ by the change in her appearance.”
In 1979, Senator McCain cheated on Carol with his current wife Cindy McCain. One of Carol’s friends explains how she rationalized his infidelity:
‘Carol didn’t fight him. She felt her infirmity made her an impediment to him. She justified his actions because of all he had gone through. She used to say, “He just wants to make up for lost time.”’
Another friend points out that:
‘He was very generous to her in the divorce but of course he could afford to be, since he was marrying Cindy,’
His marriage to Cindy not only gave McCain a beer fortune, but also gave him even greater political connections which enabled him to become Senator McCain. Ted Sampley, who fought with the US Special Forces and campaigns for veteran rights explained Senator McCain:
“I have been following John McCain’s career for nearly 20 years. I know him personally. There is something wrong with this guy and let me tell you what it is – deceit. When he came home and saw that Carol was not the beauty he left behind, he started running around on her almost right away. Everybody around him knew it. Eventually he met Cindy and she was young and beautiful and very wealthy. At that point McCain just dumped Carol for something he thought was better. This is a guy who makes such a big deal about his character. He has no character. He is a fake. If there was any character in that first marriage, it all belonged to Carol.”
Ross Perot, the Texas businessman and former Presidential candidate paid for Carol’s medical bills while McCain was a POW weighed in with his thoughts about McCain:
“McCain is the classic opportunist. He’s always reaching for attention and glory, after he came home, Carol walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona. And the rest is history.”
Yet he’s widely believed to be the candidate who represents family values rather than Senator Obama who is married to his first and only wife with two children.
http://quixoticjournal.wordpress.com/200…What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
Mc Cain is dirt. His integrity is not intact. As for ';Christian Values'; HaHa. He can not answer a straight question with a srtaight answer when questioned on religeon. He has a couple of stories he tells but never answers the question. He has Christian values during election time only. Don't be fooled by this snake. Ask Carol.What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
So...he was taking out a marriage license before the ink was dry on the divorce papers, well that seals the deal for me.
It is also unbecoming of Christians to curse people and he has done that publicly during the hearings on POWs. He has a reputation for having a bad temper. We don't need a leader like that.
Quotations from books are, by their nature, opinionated. Not that I disagree with the above.. I am not in a position to use this as factual information.
I can find records that show 6 months ago, James Dobson was emphatic that he would not endorse McCain. Within the last month, he has turned this around, presumably with the addition of Palin.
Smacks of being bought.. and I'll be clear that is my opinion.
I would ASSUME McCain's personal beliefs are the same today as before .If he wasn't good enough before Palin, then he should not be ';good enough'; now. Crappy way to choose a Presidential candidate.
McCain's first wife supports him and they are good friends now. She knew that when he came home from the war he was a changed man--and she was a changed woman. They fell out of love. It happens--ALL THE TIME. Look at this war we are in right now. The divorce rate amongst Iraq vets is high. Infidelity is high. Have you ever seen the movie or read the book ';Jarhead';? That **** goes on ALL the time. It is an unfortunate circumstance of war sometimes.
When McCain returned from Vietnam in 1973, he found out that she had been disfigured in a car crash. Doctors were forced to cut away portions of her legs and she went from 5′9″ to 5′4″. Instead of standing by his wife, Senator McCain divorced her and 18 months later married Cindy McCain who was of course the heir to a beer fortune. He promised to pay Carol’s medical bills for life as part of their divorce, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that he abandoned his wife. When he returned, he said that he was happy to see his wife, though his friends say that in secret, Senator McCain was “‘appalled’ by the change in her appearance.”
In 1979, Senator McCain cheated on Carol with his current wife Cindy McCain. One of Carol’s friends explains how she rationalized his infidelity:
‘Carol didn’t fight him. She felt her infirmity made her an impediment to him. She justified his actions because of all he had gone through. She used to say, “He just wants to make up for lost time.”’
Another friend points out that:
‘He was very generous to her in the divorce but of course he could afford to be, since he was marrying Cindy,’
His marriage to Cindy not only gave McCain a beer fortune, but also gave him even greater political connections which enabled him to become Senator McCain. Ted Sampley, who fought with the US Special Forces and campaigns for veteran rights explained Senator McCain:
“I have been following John McCain’s career for nearly 20 years. I know him personally. There is something wrong with this guy and let me tell you what it is – deceit. When he came home and saw that Carol was not the beauty he left behind, he started running around on her almost right away. Everybody around him knew it. Eventually he met Cindy and she was young and beautiful and very wealthy. At that point McCain just dumped Carol for something he thought was better. This is a guy who makes such a big deal about his character. He has no character. He is a fake. If there was any character in that first marriage, it all belonged to Carol.”
Ross Perot, the Texas businessman and former Presidential candidate paid for Carol’s medical bills while McCain was a POW weighed in with his thoughts about McCain:
“McCain is the classic opportunist. He’s always reaching for attention and glory, after he came home, Carol walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona. And the rest is history.”
Yet he’s widely believed to be the candidate who represents family values rather than Senator Obama who is married to his first and only wife with two children.
http://quixoticjournal.wordpress.com/200…What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
Mc Cain is dirt. His integrity is not intact. As for ';Christian Values'; HaHa. He can not answer a straight question with a srtaight answer when questioned on religeon. He has a couple of stories he tells but never answers the question. He has Christian values during election time only. Don't be fooled by this snake. Ask Carol.What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
So...he was taking out a marriage license before the ink was dry on the divorce papers, well that seals the deal for me.
It is also unbecoming of Christians to curse people and he has done that publicly during the hearings on POWs. He has a reputation for having a bad temper. We don't need a leader like that.
Quotations from books are, by their nature, opinionated. Not that I disagree with the above.. I am not in a position to use this as factual information.
I can find records that show 6 months ago, James Dobson was emphatic that he would not endorse McCain. Within the last month, he has turned this around, presumably with the addition of Palin.
Smacks of being bought.. and I'll be clear that is my opinion.
I would ASSUME McCain's personal beliefs are the same today as before .If he wasn't good enough before Palin, then he should not be ';good enough'; now. Crappy way to choose a Presidential candidate.
McCain's first wife supports him and they are good friends now. She knew that when he came home from the war he was a changed man--and she was a changed woman. They fell out of love. It happens--ALL THE TIME. Look at this war we are in right now. The divorce rate amongst Iraq vets is high. Infidelity is high. Have you ever seen the movie or read the book ';Jarhead';? That **** goes on ALL the time. It is an unfortunate circumstance of war sometimes.
Questions about Separation in Marriage?
I have asked for a Separation from my husband..We have been together 8 years. We have had lots of problems, sickness and in health, infidelity, flirting. Our communication is very open and honest when we take the time to do it. we talked about having an open marriage. I am bi-sexual. So alot is going on and it has gotten out of control. I kept telling him Im not sure if i wanted to continue, that i wanted space. I have never really been on my own. Started my adult life with one serious relationship that went bad and then i met him and we married. But when i told him these things he blew me off and he ignored me. So I went ahead and found my own place at least for a little while. We are very devoted to caring and sharing custody of our two small children. We worked opposite shifts to care for them(couldnt afford childcare) and so we are pretty much doing the same thing. Rarely seen each other. I have been begging for a change but he doenst work with me so now im teetering on divorce but for now this is a way to see how we do apart. He is a bit bitter right now but I dont want a legal separation-because it costs to file. Instead i just want to work it out amongst ourselves. Is this smart? Do i still wear my wedding band? How do i deal with friends and family/inlaws. Is it okay to go out to dinner if someone asks me or to hang out with other single friends? What is the best way to know if it is reconcilable?
Im going slow--really jaded on relationships right now. I just dont believe that love lasts anymore, and those vows just dont seem relavant to this day and age. : (Questions about Separation in Marriage?
What do you hope to accomplish by separating?
Trying to work on problems in the marriage when you're not together is like practicing a golf swing without a club.
I'm going to be straight with you. (no pun intended) Your marriage is doomed, and your actions are making sure of that. Separations are a death sentence to a marriage. They are like a learner's permit to be single again, and they're rarely used for what they're intended ~ which is to resolve some personal issues so that you can work on the marriage.Questions about Separation in Marriage?
The first question I think I know the answer to.
Why don't you know what he feels (except for a bit bitter)? Why don't you care what kids will feel?
It's all about you - wedding band, friends, dinners. I hope you see the pattern. That you already threw everybody out of the family you promised to be part of. That there's no talk about what husband and kids need. You want answers for you, alone and single.
Make decisions for a whole family. Not one that's broke up because you decided.
It doesn't matter what you have had sex with (or want to have sex with). Or how you have a rebound marriage. Or that you're jaded or don't believe.
There was love. I like the feeling of what that was like - you and him. The way you guys care for the kids is an image of that. That's why I think you ought to try...some more. He's no Dr. Phil and definitely no saint. Women don't follow him because he's some great catch.
But he belongs to you...as much as the kids. They're all your family.
Shift work pushed over the top the normal problems you guys would have worked out. Night shifts make people bad (been there, done that). Take out the energy it takes to love and care for kids the right way with taking care of a house and the loneliness of your shifts and...bam, there's nothing left for each other after basic survival. There's nobody left to take care of the mommy or daddy.
You wore yourselves out. It was beyond your endurance. It wasn't you guys. Sure, learning how to talk and give is good. But it won't help unless some major piece of work drops out. Somebody's got to give up a job to take care of a family. Otherwise all you have is two separated, single parents trying to do even more with much less.
Check out the self-help books for saving a marriage (library free). Find no-cost counseling. They're all good in their own way. But somebody's got to give up the job to save this family.
Im going slow--really jaded on relationships right now. I just dont believe that love lasts anymore, and those vows just dont seem relavant to this day and age. : (Questions about Separation in Marriage?
What do you hope to accomplish by separating?
Trying to work on problems in the marriage when you're not together is like practicing a golf swing without a club.
I'm going to be straight with you. (no pun intended) Your marriage is doomed, and your actions are making sure of that. Separations are a death sentence to a marriage. They are like a learner's permit to be single again, and they're rarely used for what they're intended ~ which is to resolve some personal issues so that you can work on the marriage.Questions about Separation in Marriage?
The first question I think I know the answer to.
Why don't you know what he feels (except for a bit bitter)? Why don't you care what kids will feel?
It's all about you - wedding band, friends, dinners. I hope you see the pattern. That you already threw everybody out of the family you promised to be part of. That there's no talk about what husband and kids need. You want answers for you, alone and single.
Make decisions for a whole family. Not one that's broke up because you decided.
It doesn't matter what you have had sex with (or want to have sex with). Or how you have a rebound marriage. Or that you're jaded or don't believe.
There was love. I like the feeling of what that was like - you and him. The way you guys care for the kids is an image of that. That's why I think you ought to try...some more. He's no Dr. Phil and definitely no saint. Women don't follow him because he's some great catch.
But he belongs to you...as much as the kids. They're all your family.
Shift work pushed over the top the normal problems you guys would have worked out. Night shifts make people bad (been there, done that). Take out the energy it takes to love and care for kids the right way with taking care of a house and the loneliness of your shifts and...bam, there's nothing left for each other after basic survival. There's nobody left to take care of the mommy or daddy.
You wore yourselves out. It was beyond your endurance. It wasn't you guys. Sure, learning how to talk and give is good. But it won't help unless some major piece of work drops out. Somebody's got to give up a job to take care of a family. Otherwise all you have is two separated, single parents trying to do even more with much less.
Check out the self-help books for saving a marriage (library free). Find no-cost counseling. They're all good in their own way. But somebody's got to give up the job to save this family.
Mother in law advice?
ok I need help, I have a mother in law who used to be my best friend/ aside from my hubby. She was awesome. Long story short, she did a lot of horrible things, ended up divorcing my f.i.l and blaming everything on him and ';his infidelity'; when come to find out it was actually the other way around. It has really hurt a lot of people but she is now remarried to a man nobody really cares for, she is sneaky and manipulative, and blames others for her doing. I havn't spoken to her in almost a year. We have moved recently and have a one year old little boy now, the problem is that we live next door to the grandparents, (her parents) and they keep trying to force us to love/ like her. They don't know what she's done and we don't want to upset them by telling them, (they are very stuck in their was and probably wouldn't believe us anyhow). The big problem is now she is coming up for a visit for over a week and will know if I am home or not obviously. I can't hide, but I can hardly stand to be around her and her ';husband'; who by the way picked up my five month old BY THE WRIST to move him!!! He should not be around children, he's a careless clumsy oaff around them. I don't know what to do. OH! and to top it all off, another soon to be sister in law is also coming and my darling mother n law told her that I (in reality she) said all of these nasty things about her, which were comments that I might have agreed with, but that originated out of her mouth!!! How do I deal with my brother in law, his soon to be wife, (who probably hate me) and my ';darling sweet innocent'; mother in law?????Mother in law advice?
Ask the grandparents to please stop pushing your mother-in-law on you. Explain that you don't care to discuss it any further, but that things have happened to have caused a strain in the relationship between you and her.
Don't even try to hide when she comes to visit. If she shows up at your door, crack open the door and tell her that you don't feel you and her are at a place in your relationship that you would feel comfortable inviting her in. Just say ';too much has happened and I really don't care to socialize with you';. Close the door and go about your day.
Don't let this woman and her husband steal any more of your time or energy. Go on with your life and don't waste another minute thinking about her, her husband or things she's said or done. She doesn't deserve it. I guarantee she's not spending any of her time or energy thinking about you.
If you want to have a favorable relationship with your brother-in-law and his soon to be wife, then you should make amends now. Apologize for your part in the conversation with your mother-in-law and simply explain that she had twisted things. If you do have issues with your future sister-in-law, now may be the time to straighten them out.
Good LuckMother in law advice?
Sounds like the perfect week to go to the beach or visit your parents. Take the kids.
I'm sure your family would love to see you that exact week the mother in law is visiting.
I'd go on vacation that week, somewhere far away from these looneys.
just tell here
You do not have to have anything to do with these people. You do not have to let them in if you are home or not. Tell her parents when they pressure you NO we are not doing that and we have our reason. Tell them that they do not know the extent of what went on and what goes on. Tell that that your decision is made and not open for discussion and then do not let it be. They cannot force you to do anything that you do not want to do.
Ask the grandparents to please stop pushing your mother-in-law on you. Explain that you don't care to discuss it any further, but that things have happened to have caused a strain in the relationship between you and her.
Don't even try to hide when she comes to visit. If she shows up at your door, crack open the door and tell her that you don't feel you and her are at a place in your relationship that you would feel comfortable inviting her in. Just say ';too much has happened and I really don't care to socialize with you';. Close the door and go about your day.
Don't let this woman and her husband steal any more of your time or energy. Go on with your life and don't waste another minute thinking about her, her husband or things she's said or done. She doesn't deserve it. I guarantee she's not spending any of her time or energy thinking about you.
If you want to have a favorable relationship with your brother-in-law and his soon to be wife, then you should make amends now. Apologize for your part in the conversation with your mother-in-law and simply explain that she had twisted things. If you do have issues with your future sister-in-law, now may be the time to straighten them out.
Good LuckMother in law advice?
Sounds like the perfect week to go to the beach or visit your parents. Take the kids.
I'm sure your family would love to see you that exact week the mother in law is visiting.
I'd go on vacation that week, somewhere far away from these looneys.
just tell here
You do not have to have anything to do with these people. You do not have to let them in if you are home or not. Tell her parents when they pressure you NO we are not doing that and we have our reason. Tell them that they do not know the extent of what went on and what goes on. Tell that that your decision is made and not open for discussion and then do not let it be. They cannot force you to do anything that you do not want to do.
Just a random hookup or?
So for the last year and a half this guy I work with and I have been ';hooking up'; on the side. Don't judge just yet. Neither one of us are in relationships so there's no infidelity involved. However, for the last year and a half it's been great. No emotional ties, just sex. But that last time we hooked up he started confessing that he has developed feelings for me and wants it to move forward and become more exclusive. I made it very clear in the beginning that this would be nothing more than sex, and for the longest time that's all it was. DAMMIT! This wasn't supposed to happen!!! Now things with us are awkward at work and I'm not sure how to deal with this. He's my friend first and foremost, but now there are feelings involved and I still don't want a relationship. HELP!Just a random hookup or?
Sorry, no way to help you out of this one. If you truly do not have those feelings for him, tell him that. Be gentle, say you're sorry, you never expected this and then stop hooking up! If you continue, you'd just be taking advantage of him and a real friend would never do that.
Sorry, no way to help you out of this one. If you truly do not have those feelings for him, tell him that. Be gentle, say you're sorry, you never expected this and then stop hooking up! If you continue, you'd just be taking advantage of him and a real friend would never do that.
Should I forgive my wife? Or is enough, enough?
It has been exactly 1 year since my wife cheated on me. She was and is still fighting wife a prescription medicine abuse issue. This was, according to her, the reason for the affair. I have forgiven her for the affair, but I have not forgotten it. My only stipulation was that she not use anymore. She has. Each time I see her under the influence I am reminded of the affair. I know that this is the most passionate affair that she will ever have (methadone) even more than me. How much longer should I deal with this before I let her go? I still love her but everytime I see her under the influence it reminds me of her infidelity. This makes me hate her for what she did and what she has become. I feel I deserve better than this. Any similar advice would help.Should I forgive my wife? Or is enough, enough?
If your only stipulation was that she not use and she has - why are you still with her? She is making her choice, how about you?Should I forgive my wife? Or is enough, enough?
How could your life not be better without her?
20 billion women on this planet. Choose another one.
here is the secret to forgiveness. It is not earned or deserved, it is simply a function of necessity. Is your life better off with it or without it. If you want the relationship to continue regardless of what she has become then you need to forgive to make that happen. If you don't want it to continue then you need to realize that you can never forgive, because no matter how hard you try it will always ring hollow, knowing that in reality you don't forgive instead you despise.
She has no respect for you at all. She knows she can get away with bullsh!tting you and doing whatever she likes. You cant help someone who is not prepared to help themselves.
Enough is enough.
try getting her into counsoling and or rehab. that will get you started and as that goes along you both will have counsoling and then you can make up your mind to leave or not.. if you really love her like you say then you would try to help her get off that stuff. i know only she can decide to do that but its the drug in control not her. if she wants the help get it for her and you.. make sure youve gave it your 110% and that is all you can do. if it dont work it just dont work.. good luck
wow, drug abuse as an excuse for any behavior you may experience.
caught sleeping with the football team - ';it was the drugs, not me';.
get rid of the drugs! But I don't want to. I love the drugs more than anything, including you!
GET OUT!!!!!
the longer you stay the more this is going to make you hate women in general.
If you're reminded of the affair and it still causes you anger suggests that you haven't forgiven your wife. Yes, you've stayed with her, but you haven't forgiven her.
I suggest you both take couples counseling.
Sorry to hear of your situation. Been there, done that. My husband cheated on me after 10 years. Never would have believed the relationship would survive. No one says when I grow up I want to be a drug addict. Drug addiction is a symptom of being unable to live life on life's terms. Others exhibit different symptoms gambling, sex, shopping, food addiction take your pick. Persons who can't live life on life's terms self medicate with whatever they find to ease their pain. Some addictions are more acceptable than others. It is usually the result of poor family relationship/modeling, physical, emotional or mental trauma or injury. There is evidence that substance abuse/addiction is a genetic predisposition we inherit. The addict has to decide that the addiction is no longer working for them, no one else can. How long has she been an addict? My husband was an addict for 30 years, he is now in recovery. But he couldn't do it for me, our marriage or family. He had to do it for himself. You don't say whether she loves you. Consider an intervention and a separation, perhaps that would be enough of a shock for her to seek help. Define a time frame i.e.; if after six months if she hasn't tried to change her behavior, consider the final step of divorce. If you have given it all you can, should the time come to walk away you will have no regrets.
Good luck and God Bless.
Edit:
Forgiveness is not a boomerrang you send out and then take back again and again. Forgiveness is for you not her. Once you have truly forgiven the resentment, hostile feelings don't return. Resentment is the poison I drink waiting for you to die.
I have a no tolerance policy for drug abuse, period the end. Let her go. Its over. Don't allow yourself to be affected by her problems. It's clear she's not willing to help herself, so why should you waste you time trying to help her any longer?
Maybe if you leave her she will get the help she needs. Sometime by you staying %26amp; putting up with it you are in a sense ';enableing her habit %26amp; abuse %26amp; even the cheating. It is like saying it is ';ok';. ';I will put up with it';. You cannot help someone that does not want the help. She is still betraying you each time she uses. She may be addicted but it does not make her unaccountable for her actions. Just like if she were to murder someone or rob someone while under the influence, the law would not ';excuse'; her since she was using. She is still responsible for her actions. She is an adult %26amp; knows the right thing.
Good Luck
Your leaving may just wake her up %26amp; she may get the help she needs. But do not threaten to leave when you do not mean it or play games with her. Just explain to her that you cannot continue to live like this %26amp; won't.
You do deserve better than that. She's putting those drugs ahead of you, addiction or not. Divorce her and get her a taxi to a reahb clinic.
Will all you BABIES stop whining about her addiction? This guy didnt shove any drugs into her.
It doesn't sound like you love her anymore. I'm also concerned about you saying that you ';deserve better.'; That sense of entitlement indicates you have issues other than her chemical dependency.
Infidelity is more common that you probably think and it's been around since the dawn of time. In college psych class, we were shown studies that estimate US infidelity between 40-70% percent. It's usually a sign of poor communication and one or both of the spouses feeling ignored.
I would forgive my wife for infidelity even though she may not do the same for me. I would try to find the underlying reason for it. She's not my property, she's my best friend.
Well I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I could not be with my wife if she was with another man. I don't care what I did.
You obviously still love her very much to be asking a question like that in a forum like this. However, can you say that you are still 'in love'? Love comes in so many different forms but its the 'in love' stuff that keeps a romantic relationship together.
You are probably more scared of being without her and think you can somehow continue - 'better the devil you know...', however, you do deserve to be happy and there is somebody else out there for you, probably many.
Whether the drug is a chemical or infidelity - both in your case, or gambling, something has come between you and your trust has been taken away.
If you are worried about abandoning her, then turn your love into caring love and let her live her own life without tearing at your heart.
If you really don't know, then try a separation. If you cant hack it then you both need to get some help and fight these demons together.
Good luck!
Fvck her man. She doesn't even TRY to get off the drugs for you. She is not your wife anymore, she belongs to the chemicals.
Sorry, I know exactly how drug abuse can rip apart a family, I know. :(
I hate drug addicts as well, they made the choice to become what they are and they deserve the consequences. YOU don't deserve the consequences of her actions. And sorry, but how the hell can drug abuse be a reason for infidelity?? It doesn't make sense, and it doesn't make sense for you to stay with her.
Some addictions are impossible to break. After a year of promises, your wife is still addicted. You might as well bite the bullet and tell her she made her choice. You DO deserve better than a drugged-out wife.
If your relationship is bad enough that you have to depend on other peoples answers then yes. Enough is enough.
Mate, you both deserve better actually. Whilst she has clearly made some poor choices in the past I'm sure she wishes she could have her time again.
I have never been in your position (thank goodness) but would like to think I would stand by her until she is at least healthy and no longer dependant.
I think it is the partners responsibility to stand by their partner until they are better - then made the decision on what to do. But that is just me.
Good luck - I'm sure no choice will be easy.
have u tried tog et her into a treatment center meth is no good at all and i do drugs to but my friend was hooked on meth and u should see how bad off she gets if we cant find coke or something she will go smoke crack n the bathroom its no good hun u should help her its hard to stop using especially something as extreme as that
When she is not under the influence, tell her she has to make a choice, either the methadone or you, and mean what you say.
Hi, You may have forgave her but the cheating is eating you alive. Your wife need to get into some kind of counseling for her drug problem. But she will have to want to quit or it will not work. Just remember the old saying, '; ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER';. I wouldn't be able to forgive anyone I was with if he ';CHEATED ON ME';. And that is one of the reason I divorce the CheaTer and being abuse wasn't a walk in the park either. You have to make-up your own mind on this.
A Friend,
poppy1.
How old are you??? do you take drugs?? Can you see yourself with her forever?? Will she raise you children sober and with good beliefs??
If your only stipulation was that she not use and she has - why are you still with her? She is making her choice, how about you?Should I forgive my wife? Or is enough, enough?
How could your life not be better without her?
20 billion women on this planet. Choose another one.
here is the secret to forgiveness. It is not earned or deserved, it is simply a function of necessity. Is your life better off with it or without it. If you want the relationship to continue regardless of what she has become then you need to forgive to make that happen. If you don't want it to continue then you need to realize that you can never forgive, because no matter how hard you try it will always ring hollow, knowing that in reality you don't forgive instead you despise.
She has no respect for you at all. She knows she can get away with bullsh!tting you and doing whatever she likes. You cant help someone who is not prepared to help themselves.
Enough is enough.
try getting her into counsoling and or rehab. that will get you started and as that goes along you both will have counsoling and then you can make up your mind to leave or not.. if you really love her like you say then you would try to help her get off that stuff. i know only she can decide to do that but its the drug in control not her. if she wants the help get it for her and you.. make sure youve gave it your 110% and that is all you can do. if it dont work it just dont work.. good luck
wow, drug abuse as an excuse for any behavior you may experience.
caught sleeping with the football team - ';it was the drugs, not me';.
get rid of the drugs! But I don't want to. I love the drugs more than anything, including you!
GET OUT!!!!!
the longer you stay the more this is going to make you hate women in general.
If you're reminded of the affair and it still causes you anger suggests that you haven't forgiven your wife. Yes, you've stayed with her, but you haven't forgiven her.
I suggest you both take couples counseling.
Sorry to hear of your situation. Been there, done that. My husband cheated on me after 10 years. Never would have believed the relationship would survive. No one says when I grow up I want to be a drug addict. Drug addiction is a symptom of being unable to live life on life's terms. Others exhibit different symptoms gambling, sex, shopping, food addiction take your pick. Persons who can't live life on life's terms self medicate with whatever they find to ease their pain. Some addictions are more acceptable than others. It is usually the result of poor family relationship/modeling, physical, emotional or mental trauma or injury. There is evidence that substance abuse/addiction is a genetic predisposition we inherit. The addict has to decide that the addiction is no longer working for them, no one else can. How long has she been an addict? My husband was an addict for 30 years, he is now in recovery. But he couldn't do it for me, our marriage or family. He had to do it for himself. You don't say whether she loves you. Consider an intervention and a separation, perhaps that would be enough of a shock for her to seek help. Define a time frame i.e.; if after six months if she hasn't tried to change her behavior, consider the final step of divorce. If you have given it all you can, should the time come to walk away you will have no regrets.
Good luck and God Bless.
Edit:
Forgiveness is not a boomerrang you send out and then take back again and again. Forgiveness is for you not her. Once you have truly forgiven the resentment, hostile feelings don't return. Resentment is the poison I drink waiting for you to die.
I have a no tolerance policy for drug abuse, period the end. Let her go. Its over. Don't allow yourself to be affected by her problems. It's clear she's not willing to help herself, so why should you waste you time trying to help her any longer?
Maybe if you leave her she will get the help she needs. Sometime by you staying %26amp; putting up with it you are in a sense ';enableing her habit %26amp; abuse %26amp; even the cheating. It is like saying it is ';ok';. ';I will put up with it';. You cannot help someone that does not want the help. She is still betraying you each time she uses. She may be addicted but it does not make her unaccountable for her actions. Just like if she were to murder someone or rob someone while under the influence, the law would not ';excuse'; her since she was using. She is still responsible for her actions. She is an adult %26amp; knows the right thing.
Good Luck
Your leaving may just wake her up %26amp; she may get the help she needs. But do not threaten to leave when you do not mean it or play games with her. Just explain to her that you cannot continue to live like this %26amp; won't.
You do deserve better than that. She's putting those drugs ahead of you, addiction or not. Divorce her and get her a taxi to a reahb clinic.
Will all you BABIES stop whining about her addiction? This guy didnt shove any drugs into her.
It doesn't sound like you love her anymore. I'm also concerned about you saying that you ';deserve better.'; That sense of entitlement indicates you have issues other than her chemical dependency.
Infidelity is more common that you probably think and it's been around since the dawn of time. In college psych class, we were shown studies that estimate US infidelity between 40-70% percent. It's usually a sign of poor communication and one or both of the spouses feeling ignored.
I would forgive my wife for infidelity even though she may not do the same for me. I would try to find the underlying reason for it. She's not my property, she's my best friend.
Well I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I could not be with my wife if she was with another man. I don't care what I did.
You obviously still love her very much to be asking a question like that in a forum like this. However, can you say that you are still 'in love'? Love comes in so many different forms but its the 'in love' stuff that keeps a romantic relationship together.
You are probably more scared of being without her and think you can somehow continue - 'better the devil you know...', however, you do deserve to be happy and there is somebody else out there for you, probably many.
Whether the drug is a chemical or infidelity - both in your case, or gambling, something has come between you and your trust has been taken away.
If you are worried about abandoning her, then turn your love into caring love and let her live her own life without tearing at your heart.
If you really don't know, then try a separation. If you cant hack it then you both need to get some help and fight these demons together.
Good luck!
Fvck her man. She doesn't even TRY to get off the drugs for you. She is not your wife anymore, she belongs to the chemicals.
Sorry, I know exactly how drug abuse can rip apart a family, I know. :(
I hate drug addicts as well, they made the choice to become what they are and they deserve the consequences. YOU don't deserve the consequences of her actions. And sorry, but how the hell can drug abuse be a reason for infidelity?? It doesn't make sense, and it doesn't make sense for you to stay with her.
Some addictions are impossible to break. After a year of promises, your wife is still addicted. You might as well bite the bullet and tell her she made her choice. You DO deserve better than a drugged-out wife.
If your relationship is bad enough that you have to depend on other peoples answers then yes. Enough is enough.
Mate, you both deserve better actually. Whilst she has clearly made some poor choices in the past I'm sure she wishes she could have her time again.
I have never been in your position (thank goodness) but would like to think I would stand by her until she is at least healthy and no longer dependant.
I think it is the partners responsibility to stand by their partner until they are better - then made the decision on what to do. But that is just me.
Good luck - I'm sure no choice will be easy.
have u tried tog et her into a treatment center meth is no good at all and i do drugs to but my friend was hooked on meth and u should see how bad off she gets if we cant find coke or something she will go smoke crack n the bathroom its no good hun u should help her its hard to stop using especially something as extreme as that
When she is not under the influence, tell her she has to make a choice, either the methadone or you, and mean what you say.
Hi, You may have forgave her but the cheating is eating you alive. Your wife need to get into some kind of counseling for her drug problem. But she will have to want to quit or it will not work. Just remember the old saying, '; ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER';. I wouldn't be able to forgive anyone I was with if he ';CHEATED ON ME';. And that is one of the reason I divorce the CheaTer and being abuse wasn't a walk in the park either. You have to make-up your own mind on this.
A Friend,
poppy1.
How old are you??? do you take drugs?? Can you see yourself with her forever?? Will she raise you children sober and with good beliefs??
What if he chooses drinking over us?
my hubby drinks every night.he has been staying after work and drinking and then coming home and drinking some more, i knew he was drinking at work but not to the extent that i know now.
(which i stumbled upon finding out when i dropped in to see him at work) we are recovering from a infidelity (on his part) and he told me in anger when i found out about the A that he had to drink at work to come home to me and that i drove him to drink. he swears up and down that he does not remember saying those things that night or the many other horrible things he said. (he had been drinking) he drinks all the time and always uses that excuse when he says things that are mean. we have 3 children and i don't want them growing up around the drunk version of my hubby. i love the sober hubby but i see him less and less. after we decided to make things work i told him that his drinking was a deal breaker, i thought he was doing better with it but now i find out he has been hiding it. i told him how hurt i was and he is still doing it. now do i give him an ultimatum and if i do what if he chooses the drinking over us?What if he chooses drinking over us?
he might need to get help, i would stay with him %26amp; work this out some how. he would say things when hes drunk that he does not meanWhat if he chooses drinking over us?
My father and step dad are alcoholics and it just leads to worse if they can't stop. Sooner or later it might lead to abuse of you or your kids. Try to get him to AA as soon as possible. If he can't stop drinking then see what road is best from there for your kids. Living with a person who drinks is about the worst thing. Kids seeing their father drunk can be very harmful as it was to me growing up.
You are not recovering well from his indiscretion. He has simply replaced his lovers. Your husband is an alcoholic He has already chosen drinking over you and your children...YOU have to decide whether to live with him or not. I suggest you visit a local branch of Al Anon for help. Giving him an ultimatum isn't going to do any good. He has made his choice already...it is YOU who has to make a choice now.
Been there, done that.
My (ex) husband was given a choice after many years of extreme alcoholism. I'd made the decision that my children would not grow up in a home with an alcoholic parent so the options presented to him were: quit drinking or I find a better environement for the kids.
We moved.
I hated ending my marriage, but realized that he made the choice he needed to make for him (continue to drink) and I made the choice I needed to make for me.
You need to tell your husband how you really feel.You need to let him know that drinking is not an excuse and doesn't take away pass history of good or bad things that have happened. He needs to stop the drinking or he needs to leave. You and the children should not have to put up with this in your own home. Let him know that you love him and want thing to work out, but if hes going to continue to drink then he needs to leave. Let him know that you are there for him and will go through whatever it is to help him stop drinking, but if he is not ready to let go of the bottle then you need to let go of him. Someone needs to be strong and think of the kids and if hes not going to do it then you have to. Drinking is a disease and it takes time to cure but together you guys can do it as long as he is willing and admits that there is a problem. Good-luck
You leave, and move on. You said yourself he isn't a good role model or good father. My fiance's dad is an alcoholic, and I think it just hurt his kids more having to live with him and not have a relationship, then if they barely saw him - at least that way they could move on with their lives, this way they are constantly bombarded with the problem.
Plus, he may come around after you leave, and may stop drinking and regain his health - this doesn't mean he'll come back to you though. Or he may keep drinking, in which case it's only his life he's ruining.
If he chooses drinking over the family, you need to choose your 3 kids over him. You need to choose yourself over him. Until they admit that they have a problem and get the help that they need, an alcoholic will not get any better - they will only get worse.
My ex husband is an alcoholic. He would drink every day and get mad at me if I said anything against his drinking. He got verbally abusive toward me and after a while the kids became his targets too. He really hurt their self esteem and their feelings of self worth. It almost seemed like he was deliverately trying to destroy their self confidence with the things he would say to them. Like your husband, my ex was a hard worker too. We had the necessities, but very few extras. We couldn't afford to go anywhere or do anything because he had to make sure that there was enough money for his alcohol. He would insult anyone that came to our house except his drinking buddies and some of his family. It was too embarrassing for the kids to bring any of their friends around because he was always drunk.
When I finally opened my eyes to the extent that he was hurting my kids, I gave him a choice - me and the kids or his alcohol. For a while he made it look like he had stopped, but he really couldn't hide the signs of his drinking for very long. One of the first signs was that he would get very close to me because he knew that I could smell it on him. He really hadn't taken me seriously. He thought that he could placate me for a little bit and then just go back to the way it had been. I told him that I was serious, that if he didn't stop drinking that I would get a divorce. He continued to drink and I got the divorce.
My kids have a much happier home now. One that is not stressful to live in. I, too, am much happier now that I am way from him. I still love the man he use to be, but I won't live with the man he became. I don't even like the alcoholic man he is. One important point though, if you give him an ultimatum, you have to follow thru with what you say, or, he will know that he can say or do anything he want because you won't divorce him.
I know that I am probably not saying all of this very well. I just trying to tell you that you should put your kids before your husband. Your husband is an adult that is making his own choices. Your kids are young and do not have a choice in this situation. You need to think about your kid's emotional stability and their future. You don't want them to grow up thinking that it is alright to be an alcoholic or verbally abusive.
And, you are so right about not wanting to have sex or be around a guy that is drunk all the time. I sure didn't. Probably only another drunk wouldn't mind being around another drunk.need help with itchy pubic hair loan
(which i stumbled upon finding out when i dropped in to see him at work) we are recovering from a infidelity (on his part) and he told me in anger when i found out about the A that he had to drink at work to come home to me and that i drove him to drink. he swears up and down that he does not remember saying those things that night or the many other horrible things he said. (he had been drinking) he drinks all the time and always uses that excuse when he says things that are mean. we have 3 children and i don't want them growing up around the drunk version of my hubby. i love the sober hubby but i see him less and less. after we decided to make things work i told him that his drinking was a deal breaker, i thought he was doing better with it but now i find out he has been hiding it. i told him how hurt i was and he is still doing it. now do i give him an ultimatum and if i do what if he chooses the drinking over us?What if he chooses drinking over us?
he might need to get help, i would stay with him %26amp; work this out some how. he would say things when hes drunk that he does not meanWhat if he chooses drinking over us?
My father and step dad are alcoholics and it just leads to worse if they can't stop. Sooner or later it might lead to abuse of you or your kids. Try to get him to AA as soon as possible. If he can't stop drinking then see what road is best from there for your kids. Living with a person who drinks is about the worst thing. Kids seeing their father drunk can be very harmful as it was to me growing up.
You are not recovering well from his indiscretion. He has simply replaced his lovers. Your husband is an alcoholic He has already chosen drinking over you and your children...YOU have to decide whether to live with him or not. I suggest you visit a local branch of Al Anon for help. Giving him an ultimatum isn't going to do any good. He has made his choice already...it is YOU who has to make a choice now.
Been there, done that.
My (ex) husband was given a choice after many years of extreme alcoholism. I'd made the decision that my children would not grow up in a home with an alcoholic parent so the options presented to him were: quit drinking or I find a better environement for the kids.
We moved.
I hated ending my marriage, but realized that he made the choice he needed to make for him (continue to drink) and I made the choice I needed to make for me.
You need to tell your husband how you really feel.You need to let him know that drinking is not an excuse and doesn't take away pass history of good or bad things that have happened. He needs to stop the drinking or he needs to leave. You and the children should not have to put up with this in your own home. Let him know that you love him and want thing to work out, but if hes going to continue to drink then he needs to leave. Let him know that you are there for him and will go through whatever it is to help him stop drinking, but if he is not ready to let go of the bottle then you need to let go of him. Someone needs to be strong and think of the kids and if hes not going to do it then you have to. Drinking is a disease and it takes time to cure but together you guys can do it as long as he is willing and admits that there is a problem. Good-luck
You leave, and move on. You said yourself he isn't a good role model or good father. My fiance's dad is an alcoholic, and I think it just hurt his kids more having to live with him and not have a relationship, then if they barely saw him - at least that way they could move on with their lives, this way they are constantly bombarded with the problem.
Plus, he may come around after you leave, and may stop drinking and regain his health - this doesn't mean he'll come back to you though. Or he may keep drinking, in which case it's only his life he's ruining.
If he chooses drinking over the family, you need to choose your 3 kids over him. You need to choose yourself over him. Until they admit that they have a problem and get the help that they need, an alcoholic will not get any better - they will only get worse.
My ex husband is an alcoholic. He would drink every day and get mad at me if I said anything against his drinking. He got verbally abusive toward me and after a while the kids became his targets too. He really hurt their self esteem and their feelings of self worth. It almost seemed like he was deliverately trying to destroy their self confidence with the things he would say to them. Like your husband, my ex was a hard worker too. We had the necessities, but very few extras. We couldn't afford to go anywhere or do anything because he had to make sure that there was enough money for his alcohol. He would insult anyone that came to our house except his drinking buddies and some of his family. It was too embarrassing for the kids to bring any of their friends around because he was always drunk.
When I finally opened my eyes to the extent that he was hurting my kids, I gave him a choice - me and the kids or his alcohol. For a while he made it look like he had stopped, but he really couldn't hide the signs of his drinking for very long. One of the first signs was that he would get very close to me because he knew that I could smell it on him. He really hadn't taken me seriously. He thought that he could placate me for a little bit and then just go back to the way it had been. I told him that I was serious, that if he didn't stop drinking that I would get a divorce. He continued to drink and I got the divorce.
My kids have a much happier home now. One that is not stressful to live in. I, too, am much happier now that I am way from him. I still love the man he use to be, but I won't live with the man he became. I don't even like the alcoholic man he is. One important point though, if you give him an ultimatum, you have to follow thru with what you say, or, he will know that he can say or do anything he want because you won't divorce him.
I know that I am probably not saying all of this very well. I just trying to tell you that you should put your kids before your husband. Your husband is an adult that is making his own choices. Your kids are young and do not have a choice in this situation. You need to think about your kid's emotional stability and their future. You don't want them to grow up thinking that it is alright to be an alcoholic or verbally abusive.
And, you are so right about not wanting to have sex or be around a guy that is drunk all the time. I sure didn't. Probably only another drunk wouldn't mind being around another drunk.
I feel unwanted in my marriage, what should I do?
Me and my husband met 4 1/2 years ago on the job. We instantly fell in love, moved in together, got pregnant, got married, bought a house, and a new car all within one year. , It was my second child and his 3rd. Chloe (my daughter) totally destroyed my shape, and yes it did give me terrible insecurites, but I never had to deal with them cause I FELT the love was so geniune between us. He even gained weight with me while I was pregnant. Infidelity was never thought of, and we never had a problem with people on the job interfering with our circle. However, he's always had a lust for women. He's always talked about fantasies in bed, which was a turn on for both of us, but eventually he was encouraging and wanting more and more a 3-way. I didn't mind the talk, but I didn't want it to be a reality for obvious reaasons. But I felt that he had such a desire for that, that if I didn't be cool with it, he would eventually get it elsewhere. So I convinced myself to be super cool with it. That was were I feel I went wrong. I think overall I was so deep in love with him so fast I just wanted to give him everything he ever wanted, but by doing that, I cheated myself out of being respected and layed down for him. Fast forwarding things a bit, we did wind up having a 3 way with a very unattractive women, after that, he was all on my space, openly flirting with girls, trying to get a new recruit to do it again. I guess he was half unfulfilled cause it wasn't what he had in mindbut it deeply bothered me to see this I guess in my mind I was like well it's ok if I pick the girl and I'm in control. That was not true. We've even had open enough conversations/arguments where he's said ';why can't men have more than 1 wife? or ';Why can't we be married with a girlfriend we can kick it with?'; In addition to that, he's always looking at women on the internet and in public (but he's not disrespectful with it in public) but I would be looking with him.
Now everything bothers me. I finally told him 2 weeks ago that, I was trying to grow spirtually and confess my true feelings about everything. He said that was all fine and that he wouldn't do it anymore. I told him I think he has an addiction to it. But he told me no, I love you first and foremost, I put no one before you, and I'm much stronger than the devil The day after we had this deep convo, I found out he contacted his EX girlfriend on my space and tried to recruit her for a 3-way with us!! Even she was taken back! But we managed to get through it, he even has been encouraged to grow his reltionship with the Lord. Things have and had been great this past 2 weeks, however, he blocked his my space page (which is understandable) but he also hasn't invited me on his page either, which leads me to believe he's hiding again, and I told him this. He really hasn't given me a clear answer on why he hasn't invited me over to his new page yet either. But I've painted on a smile, and continued to love him anyway. He has female co-worker (she's cool with me but we're not the that close) that sits across from him. She is an attractive women, and he has told me he would be interested in her for ';US';, anyway she's pregnant by her boyfriend but she's not oblivious to the way we've thought about her in the past. Any how, a couple weeks ago, he told me he's been encouraging more people to exercise and he told me he told her when she has her baby she could work out with us. I didn't like it really, but I didn't say anything. Then yesterday she went to lunch with us (his invite) and ';after the fact'; he told me he had went with her to go move her car cause he was bored. That was it, I asked him why did he need to go with her, you are not responsible for her, she has a man. He was like I'm sorry I told you and I didn't think it would be a problem. We work at large company, were people have always looked for the next rumor. Everybody knows where together here, why would even want to give someone the impression that you could be fooling around? Not that I care about the people, I just don't want to be played. PLUS, let the shoe have been on the other foot, all heck would have broke loose. He thinks I'm so psyched out crazy, but really it's that I see where their friendly relationship is going, and just don't think it's possible that that could ever happen. On top of all this, I'm taking care of all the bills in the home because of his Child Support and garnishments, putting food on the table everything. He pays half the mortgage and that's it. I don't get no financial support from him. The few dollars he gets he gives me. I never cared about his financial shortcomings or any of his other flaws, until now.
In the end..
I feel like now you don't whole heartedly respect me first as much as I respect him first. And all the I've sacrificed for this relationship is a waste. I'm realizing he has unreasonable expectations of what a wife should be. Not too many women would love him and accept the burden of carrying a whole household financially, and take care of all business matters too(He lets me face bill collectors alone too). At this point I'm like what am I staying with him for? Love? Pity? Is this my companion and best friend or another ***** pimping and playing a good women? How much more of this can we both go through. I just want us both to be happy..I feel unwanted in my marriage, what should I do?
First of all, thanks for sharing your story. It was quite interesting and to read but at the same time complicated.
After reading the entire passage, I feel that you have answered the problem that you are having on your own.
You probably just needed to vent.
First of all, you said that you know you made a mistake by letting him feel that a 3some would be okay, and then even engaged in one.
You are way too good of a woman for him and you of all people know it.
As a woman, sometimes we love our men so much that we loose ourselves loving them and wanting our family to be together.
I feel that at this time, that you have given it our all, and sometimes we have to wash our hands with a situation.
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending. And that is okay.
You seem to be a strong woman and you will bounce back from this, believe me. But, you will never know if you don't let go.
I recently ended a 5-year relationship because of my boyfriend cheating on me. It was hard because we had a child between the two of us and then I had 2 additional children.
I have since met a wonderful man, that loves me and my children.
At times you feel you know happiness, but I feel that I have embarked on a entire new level of happiness that I would have never experienced, if I would not have let the old stuff go.
He seems that he has some real issues to deal with, with himself.
I don't feel that you will ever be able to do enough for him sexually and he be satisfied.
You are his wife, and if you alone is not enough, then he is not the one for you.
Just learn from the mistake that you made in this relationship and move forward with your life for yourself and for your precious children.
I wish you all the best in whatever decision or road you choose to take.I feel unwanted in my marriage, what should I do?
Sweetie, this exact scenario happened to my best friend. After all was said and done they are no longer together. Now it would be different if this was what you wanted but you convinced yourself to do it to make him happy. The only peoples happiness I place before my own is my children. I was dragged around for too many years by too many people who wanted to manipulate me. It is really not worth it. You sacrificed you beliefs for him. Of course he expects more. When he sees he doesn't get that he will look for it himself without your approval. I don't feel it is correct for him to bring this to the workplace. I sympathize with you having those people probably talk behind your back. People at work are always looking for good juicy gossip. He should respect you always and others will do the same. It always comes down to you. How low are you willing to be with someone you believe to be undeserving?
I'm going to comment mainly on your last paragraph:
';Not too many women would love him and accept the burden of carrying a whole household financially, and take care of all business matters too(He lets me face bill collectors alone too).'; -- What ELSE does he make you do alone? This is not healthy. A Marriage is a union of 2 people who should be SHARING everything. Not facing things alone. That is very coward-like for him to let you go through it alone.
';I just want us both to be happy.'; -- What you have to realize is that YOU have to focus on yourself and YOU have to be happy with YOU before you're happy with someone else. he is not making you happy.
You're feeling insecure, betrayed, lied to, among other things. I KNOW that feeling you have in the pit of your stomach where you're wondering what else is going on. Especially with the MySpace page and how he won't invite you to it. Um, HELLO, you're his wife! Not only should you be invited to his page, you should be his #1 friend!
I know how it feels to want something to work. I know how it feels to have history with someone and you pray and pray that things will just get better and ';like they used to be';.
The reality is, is that sometimes life doesn't work out like that.
You have to think of yourself and your kids. This man you are married to is making you do things that you THINK you're in control of. News flash -- you're not in control. HE is. A man who truely loves you would never make you do things you're not 100% comfortable with. A man who truely loves you would never make you face things alone.
I think you know deep down what you need to do, and I know you're looking for the opinions of everyone on Yahoo Answers, but ultimately it's going to be YOU who needs to make the next move and let this guy go. You deserve someone who won't make you feel like this.
Remember -- he's not the same person you first fell in love with. He's manipulated you and has not taken care of you.
He's not a man.
Wow that was long. What to say? Your husband is a real asshole! He is addicted to 3way sex and has no respect for your feelings. He's selfish and doesn't care about you being hurt. There is no way I would ever be with a man like that. Take your daughter and leave. If he really cares and loves you he will figure out a way to get you back. Best luck to you.
You say you just want us to be happy. Remember, it is ';us'; you want to made happy, not just him.
You were against threesome in the first place, you went for it anyway. (That was your mistake number one.)
I mean, I don't care what you guys do behind that closed doors, but if you are not true about your feelings, you are not going to be happy. (your husband is probably happy, but you certainly won't be) Remember, lie to other people is easy, lie to yourself is hard.
You say you become out of shape after the second kid, and from your descriptions of other women, (very unattractive woman, attractive woman), I can see you are a little obsessed with look. Well, stop it. It is not worth it. Start eating healthy, exercise more if your weight bother you. I am sure once your weight is under control, you would feel much much better about yourself. and maybe you will be more confident about yourself.
You are in a tough situation, I don't think I have a solution. Honestly, I don't even think therapy would help.
He doesn't sound like a wonderful man, and I think it is time to stop dreaming one day he can change.
Has writing this all out helped you feel better or see things a bit clearer? No one on here can tell you what to do. Only you have the responsibility and ability of that decision. But perhaps writing it out has given a purging effect and can help you make the decisions you will have to make. I wish you the best of luck in these endeavors.
Wow! Really long story. Yes I think he does not respect you. I think the only way to get his attention now is with you filing divorce paper work. When he is served the divorce papers he will have a sudden change of heart. He will come to you asking for your forgiveness. At this point you will have the power to state your desires and feelings. He will have two options, one to accept or the other, to leave. Good luck.
Wow. This is strange. This requires immediate Family Therapy, not Yahoo. Or Divorce Court. Man, how sorry I am for your daughter to be caught in between this immature mess.
Wow... I met my husband like 5 years ago, and things happened for us pretty much the same way they happened to you. We met, dated, fell in love, got preg, then married. We had also talked about a 3-way but I would never deep down inside EVER allow that. Even though, at times I thought it would be fun... maybe if I were dating someone, but for sure not married. But like you said, it was fun to talk/think about. But I couldnt bare watching my husband messing around with another girl even if I was involved. I do think that was a huge mistake. He may feel that you two have more of an open relationship. (like you, I am more spiritual now) but I would advise you to seriously sit down and talk to him. and tell him no more 3-way. good luck with everything.
Wow...............All within one yr. First of all you made your mistake by moving to damn fast. You knew he always had a lust for other women, big mistake right there. The 3-some a no-no. I'm not going to get into a long story, b/c yours is long enough, lmao.....I feel bad for Chloe though, but she'll be ok, once you get your life together. Time for a DIVORCE
Whether you are broken hearted from the loss of a loved one, marriage, family, an ex lover....No matter what you situation, now matter how down you may feel right now....I will make a promise to you all....no matter where you are in the world...
THINGS WILL GET BETTER......if you allow them to.
I added the ';if you allow them to because alot of us assume time is the answer....I agree to a certain extent but I believe the truth lies in allowing yourself to heal.
One thing we know that never changes is that time never stops. Time always moves forward....we can't stop it.....like death...it is certain.
Years ago, I was hurt like so many of you out there. I couldn't do anything without letting the sadness overtake me. I, without me knowing, put my happiness on someone else. If I couldn't have them, I couldn't be happy. For those out there that have this type of mentality, you have my sympathy. I could not have been more wrong. I spent months crying, obsessing about my situation, my life without her, and why this was happening to me.
Plain and simple, I had a lesson to learn....a very hard lesson. It wasn't that I was at my lowest point that I realized that it wasn't punishment from God...or whatever you believe....it was something that ';Life'; was teaching me. Ask any elderly person out there what ';life'; lessons that have learned in there time here on earth and I can almost guarantee they can go on and on...the reasoning is because the HAD to learn.
When I was a child, I tried to put my hand on the eye of a stove when it was turned on....it was hot but my mother pulled my hand back before I could do so....what did I learn from it?
Two things
1. The eye of a stove can be very hot and I could get burned....
2. Listen to other people that are more experienced...they have lessons to teach.
I know you may be hurting right now. I cried many nights into a pillow as a 34 year old man because I ';couldn't live with out her';. I cried in the shower....I cried at work...I cried in the cry when a certain song would play because I would think of my past with her...
Been there ...done that. I am living proof ladies and gentlemen that if you stop and DO YOUR BEST to look at the lesson rather than the problem that you will begin to learn...
Am I insinuating you have done something wrong or is the reason why you are in your current situation because of something YOU did?
NOT AT ALL...not even close.
What I have come to realize in my short time on this earth, that if I die tomorrow, ....that no one...BUT NO ONE can prevent me from loving me.
Is this selfish to say? No. I disagree with anyone that would challenge me. When I look in the mirror, I see me. I do not see anyone else BUT me. I know what I am thinking at all times. I know my thoughts, I know MY dreams, I know what I like, I know what I don't like, I know what makes me happy, I know everything about me..without guessing nor ***uming anything.
No one is responsible for my happiness BUT ME. What does this mean? It mean I love the people that come in and out of my life and appreciate each one individually and the lessons they teach me. There are so many wonderful things in the world we DON'T appreciate because we put too much emphasis on the very thing we ***ume is responsible for our complete happiness and when it is gone.........we become ';lost';.
When do we appreciate things the most? Sadly, most of us at one time or another tend to appreciate it only after it is gone....or we can't have it anymore. People sadly get taken for granted every day. I have learned to appreciate everything about me and my life circumstances. I have such positive energy inside and out that it radiates in all I do.
I learned to pick myself up and move on. Was it hard....Absolutely! The things in life that we think are the most difficult, tend to be the very things when we overcome it, no matter if it is a problem in our lives or maybe a math problem on the blackboard, that make us the proudest.
Why is this? I will tell you....
When we don't believe we can do something....and we end up doing it and doing well...we are in disbelief and shock because we actually took the time to provide a solution for ourselves. No one lives our lives but us...the individual.
We all have hopes and dreams.....we all have individual goals we may have had for years....before your current situation ever occurred. How many time I have heard the same thing over and over...
';I wish I had never met %26lt;fill in the blank%26gt;';.
Why? Why is it that when negative things occur, that we always look at the negative instead of the positive. Looking back on life, I have said this silly statement before. I am guilty as charged but I have learned to be a better person for it.
What have I learned? I have learned that being negative only brings more negativity. Some call it the ';Law of attraction';...I call it common sense.
We all have choices....some are easier to make than others. I am not by any means trying to give an overall solution....but providing ';food for thought';. We make poor choices, have done stupid things....say hurtful things we didn't mean....we have learn to hate...instead of being the better person. As a chlid, we learned that lying COULD get you out of trouble....and the truth can be so difficult to tell sometimes not only for us...but for those it involves.
You can be happy....no matter how down you are...no matter how lonely...no matter how defeated you may feel....YOU CAN DO ANYTHING if you allow yourself to.
If someone doesn't love you.......I am sorry....NOT for you...BUT FOR THEM......
Read that again...
If someone doesn't love you.......I am sorry....NOT for you...BUT FOR THEM......
You are a treasure.....you are a gift that is to be appreciated until we take our last breath. You can make a difference in your own life NOT to worry about what someone else my say or ***ume about you.
NO ONE but NO ONE..knows you best.....THAN YOU! Self love can be the most difficult lesson you can learn. We tend to dream of that ';someone'; that will come along and just understand how we work and feel. Some call this our soul mate. Do I believe in soul mates....? Not really....I believe in me 100%. I have too much love to give for free to the people that SHOW ME LOVE.
Actions speak louder than words.....don't let words stand in your way. Don't ever let ANYONE tell you that you can't do anything...
You can do anything....no matter what it is...
All you have to do is believe in yourself. If you have made mistakes in your life up to this point....don't push blame....take responsibility for ONLY the things you need to and learn from it...move on and teach those who will be in your situation possibly down the road.
Don't be afraid....fear can only hold you back. Let it go...let go of the ';what if's...'; Go with what you know is a fact....not what you ***ume or wish....
To each and everyone of you...I want you to know something...
No matter who you are....no matter where you are...no matter how down and out you may feel....
there is hope...there is forgiveness....there is a lesson...and there is a long, and happy life waiting for you on the otherside of your sadness.
Forgive yourself of past mistakes and move on.....love yourself and let yoru confidence SHINE bright. Radiate what you have learned and SMILE again! You can do it....I am living proof that you can do it.
All it takes is a simple decision to let go of sadness and past hurt...
You can do it....Ya wanna know why? You may be siiting there reading this post doubting every word I say....but listen carefully
I mean this with all I am ....
I believe in you.....and all that you are.
Your Friend,
SuperDave71
first even for him wanting a 3 way with you involved is WRONG it might be ok ONCE to see what it is like but never to have it mentioned again unless you both want more than that
second if you can do it by yourself why not do it by yourself we all have the same rigth to love and to be loved as everyone else out there go find that someone else
I am not sure we had enough information to trully digest this whole problem. Oh wait yes we did right at the begining when you said you guys were opening your marriage to others. He does not respect you at all. I know you think I am being harsh but its the truth. You dont respect yourself. If you wanted an open relationship you got it quit complaining if you no longer want that its time to find a different guy you changed he didnt. what if he was the one out of shape and you were still drop dead sexy how would you handle this.
Now everything bothers me. I finally told him 2 weeks ago that, I was trying to grow spirtually and confess my true feelings about everything. He said that was all fine and that he wouldn't do it anymore. I told him I think he has an addiction to it. But he told me no, I love you first and foremost, I put no one before you, and I'm much stronger than the devil The day after we had this deep convo, I found out he contacted his EX girlfriend on my space and tried to recruit her for a 3-way with us!! Even she was taken back! But we managed to get through it, he even has been encouraged to grow his reltionship with the Lord. Things have and had been great this past 2 weeks, however, he blocked his my space page (which is understandable) but he also hasn't invited me on his page either, which leads me to believe he's hiding again, and I told him this. He really hasn't given me a clear answer on why he hasn't invited me over to his new page yet either. But I've painted on a smile, and continued to love him anyway. He has female co-worker (she's cool with me but we're not the that close) that sits across from him. She is an attractive women, and he has told me he would be interested in her for ';US';, anyway she's pregnant by her boyfriend but she's not oblivious to the way we've thought about her in the past. Any how, a couple weeks ago, he told me he's been encouraging more people to exercise and he told me he told her when she has her baby she could work out with us. I didn't like it really, but I didn't say anything. Then yesterday she went to lunch with us (his invite) and ';after the fact'; he told me he had went with her to go move her car cause he was bored. That was it, I asked him why did he need to go with her, you are not responsible for her, she has a man. He was like I'm sorry I told you and I didn't think it would be a problem. We work at large company, were people have always looked for the next rumor. Everybody knows where together here, why would even want to give someone the impression that you could be fooling around? Not that I care about the people, I just don't want to be played. PLUS, let the shoe have been on the other foot, all heck would have broke loose. He thinks I'm so psyched out crazy, but really it's that I see where their friendly relationship is going, and just don't think it's possible that that could ever happen. On top of all this, I'm taking care of all the bills in the home because of his Child Support and garnishments, putting food on the table everything. He pays half the mortgage and that's it. I don't get no financial support from him. The few dollars he gets he gives me. I never cared about his financial shortcomings or any of his other flaws, until now.
In the end..
I feel like now you don't whole heartedly respect me first as much as I respect him first. And all the I've sacrificed for this relationship is a waste. I'm realizing he has unreasonable expectations of what a wife should be. Not too many women would love him and accept the burden of carrying a whole household financially, and take care of all business matters too(He lets me face bill collectors alone too). At this point I'm like what am I staying with him for? Love? Pity? Is this my companion and best friend or another ***** pimping and playing a good women? How much more of this can we both go through. I just want us both to be happy..I feel unwanted in my marriage, what should I do?
First of all, thanks for sharing your story. It was quite interesting and to read but at the same time complicated.
After reading the entire passage, I feel that you have answered the problem that you are having on your own.
You probably just needed to vent.
First of all, you said that you know you made a mistake by letting him feel that a 3some would be okay, and then even engaged in one.
You are way too good of a woman for him and you of all people know it.
As a woman, sometimes we love our men so much that we loose ourselves loving them and wanting our family to be together.
I feel that at this time, that you have given it our all, and sometimes we have to wash our hands with a situation.
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending. And that is okay.
You seem to be a strong woman and you will bounce back from this, believe me. But, you will never know if you don't let go.
I recently ended a 5-year relationship because of my boyfriend cheating on me. It was hard because we had a child between the two of us and then I had 2 additional children.
I have since met a wonderful man, that loves me and my children.
At times you feel you know happiness, but I feel that I have embarked on a entire new level of happiness that I would have never experienced, if I would not have let the old stuff go.
He seems that he has some real issues to deal with, with himself.
I don't feel that you will ever be able to do enough for him sexually and he be satisfied.
You are his wife, and if you alone is not enough, then he is not the one for you.
Just learn from the mistake that you made in this relationship and move forward with your life for yourself and for your precious children.
I wish you all the best in whatever decision or road you choose to take.I feel unwanted in my marriage, what should I do?
Sweetie, this exact scenario happened to my best friend. After all was said and done they are no longer together. Now it would be different if this was what you wanted but you convinced yourself to do it to make him happy. The only peoples happiness I place before my own is my children. I was dragged around for too many years by too many people who wanted to manipulate me. It is really not worth it. You sacrificed you beliefs for him. Of course he expects more. When he sees he doesn't get that he will look for it himself without your approval. I don't feel it is correct for him to bring this to the workplace. I sympathize with you having those people probably talk behind your back. People at work are always looking for good juicy gossip. He should respect you always and others will do the same. It always comes down to you. How low are you willing to be with someone you believe to be undeserving?
I'm going to comment mainly on your last paragraph:
';Not too many women would love him and accept the burden of carrying a whole household financially, and take care of all business matters too(He lets me face bill collectors alone too).'; -- What ELSE does he make you do alone? This is not healthy. A Marriage is a union of 2 people who should be SHARING everything. Not facing things alone. That is very coward-like for him to let you go through it alone.
';I just want us both to be happy.'; -- What you have to realize is that YOU have to focus on yourself and YOU have to be happy with YOU before you're happy with someone else. he is not making you happy.
You're feeling insecure, betrayed, lied to, among other things. I KNOW that feeling you have in the pit of your stomach where you're wondering what else is going on. Especially with the MySpace page and how he won't invite you to it. Um, HELLO, you're his wife! Not only should you be invited to his page, you should be his #1 friend!
I know how it feels to want something to work. I know how it feels to have history with someone and you pray and pray that things will just get better and ';like they used to be';.
The reality is, is that sometimes life doesn't work out like that.
You have to think of yourself and your kids. This man you are married to is making you do things that you THINK you're in control of. News flash -- you're not in control. HE is. A man who truely loves you would never make you do things you're not 100% comfortable with. A man who truely loves you would never make you face things alone.
I think you know deep down what you need to do, and I know you're looking for the opinions of everyone on Yahoo Answers, but ultimately it's going to be YOU who needs to make the next move and let this guy go. You deserve someone who won't make you feel like this.
Remember -- he's not the same person you first fell in love with. He's manipulated you and has not taken care of you.
He's not a man.
Wow that was long. What to say? Your husband is a real asshole! He is addicted to 3way sex and has no respect for your feelings. He's selfish and doesn't care about you being hurt. There is no way I would ever be with a man like that. Take your daughter and leave. If he really cares and loves you he will figure out a way to get you back. Best luck to you.
You say you just want us to be happy. Remember, it is ';us'; you want to made happy, not just him.
You were against threesome in the first place, you went for it anyway. (That was your mistake number one.)
I mean, I don't care what you guys do behind that closed doors, but if you are not true about your feelings, you are not going to be happy. (your husband is probably happy, but you certainly won't be) Remember, lie to other people is easy, lie to yourself is hard.
You say you become out of shape after the second kid, and from your descriptions of other women, (very unattractive woman, attractive woman), I can see you are a little obsessed with look. Well, stop it. It is not worth it. Start eating healthy, exercise more if your weight bother you. I am sure once your weight is under control, you would feel much much better about yourself. and maybe you will be more confident about yourself.
You are in a tough situation, I don't think I have a solution. Honestly, I don't even think therapy would help.
He doesn't sound like a wonderful man, and I think it is time to stop dreaming one day he can change.
Has writing this all out helped you feel better or see things a bit clearer? No one on here can tell you what to do. Only you have the responsibility and ability of that decision. But perhaps writing it out has given a purging effect and can help you make the decisions you will have to make. I wish you the best of luck in these endeavors.
Wow! Really long story. Yes I think he does not respect you. I think the only way to get his attention now is with you filing divorce paper work. When he is served the divorce papers he will have a sudden change of heart. He will come to you asking for your forgiveness. At this point you will have the power to state your desires and feelings. He will have two options, one to accept or the other, to leave. Good luck.
Wow. This is strange. This requires immediate Family Therapy, not Yahoo. Or Divorce Court. Man, how sorry I am for your daughter to be caught in between this immature mess.
Wow... I met my husband like 5 years ago, and things happened for us pretty much the same way they happened to you. We met, dated, fell in love, got preg, then married. We had also talked about a 3-way but I would never deep down inside EVER allow that. Even though, at times I thought it would be fun... maybe if I were dating someone, but for sure not married. But like you said, it was fun to talk/think about. But I couldnt bare watching my husband messing around with another girl even if I was involved. I do think that was a huge mistake. He may feel that you two have more of an open relationship. (like you, I am more spiritual now) but I would advise you to seriously sit down and talk to him. and tell him no more 3-way. good luck with everything.
Wow...............All within one yr. First of all you made your mistake by moving to damn fast. You knew he always had a lust for other women, big mistake right there. The 3-some a no-no. I'm not going to get into a long story, b/c yours is long enough, lmao.....I feel bad for Chloe though, but she'll be ok, once you get your life together. Time for a DIVORCE
Whether you are broken hearted from the loss of a loved one, marriage, family, an ex lover....No matter what you situation, now matter how down you may feel right now....I will make a promise to you all....no matter where you are in the world...
THINGS WILL GET BETTER......if you allow them to.
I added the ';if you allow them to because alot of us assume time is the answer....I agree to a certain extent but I believe the truth lies in allowing yourself to heal.
One thing we know that never changes is that time never stops. Time always moves forward....we can't stop it.....like death...it is certain.
Years ago, I was hurt like so many of you out there. I couldn't do anything without letting the sadness overtake me. I, without me knowing, put my happiness on someone else. If I couldn't have them, I couldn't be happy. For those out there that have this type of mentality, you have my sympathy. I could not have been more wrong. I spent months crying, obsessing about my situation, my life without her, and why this was happening to me.
Plain and simple, I had a lesson to learn....a very hard lesson. It wasn't that I was at my lowest point that I realized that it wasn't punishment from God...or whatever you believe....it was something that ';Life'; was teaching me. Ask any elderly person out there what ';life'; lessons that have learned in there time here on earth and I can almost guarantee they can go on and on...the reasoning is because the HAD to learn.
When I was a child, I tried to put my hand on the eye of a stove when it was turned on....it was hot but my mother pulled my hand back before I could do so....what did I learn from it?
Two things
1. The eye of a stove can be very hot and I could get burned....
2. Listen to other people that are more experienced...they have lessons to teach.
I know you may be hurting right now. I cried many nights into a pillow as a 34 year old man because I ';couldn't live with out her';. I cried in the shower....I cried at work...I cried in the cry when a certain song would play because I would think of my past with her...
Been there ...done that. I am living proof ladies and gentlemen that if you stop and DO YOUR BEST to look at the lesson rather than the problem that you will begin to learn...
Am I insinuating you have done something wrong or is the reason why you are in your current situation because of something YOU did?
NOT AT ALL...not even close.
What I have come to realize in my short time on this earth, that if I die tomorrow, ....that no one...BUT NO ONE can prevent me from loving me.
Is this selfish to say? No. I disagree with anyone that would challenge me. When I look in the mirror, I see me. I do not see anyone else BUT me. I know what I am thinking at all times. I know my thoughts, I know MY dreams, I know what I like, I know what I don't like, I know what makes me happy, I know everything about me..without guessing nor ***uming anything.
No one is responsible for my happiness BUT ME. What does this mean? It mean I love the people that come in and out of my life and appreciate each one individually and the lessons they teach me. There are so many wonderful things in the world we DON'T appreciate because we put too much emphasis on the very thing we ***ume is responsible for our complete happiness and when it is gone.........we become ';lost';.
When do we appreciate things the most? Sadly, most of us at one time or another tend to appreciate it only after it is gone....or we can't have it anymore. People sadly get taken for granted every day. I have learned to appreciate everything about me and my life circumstances. I have such positive energy inside and out that it radiates in all I do.
I learned to pick myself up and move on. Was it hard....Absolutely! The things in life that we think are the most difficult, tend to be the very things when we overcome it, no matter if it is a problem in our lives or maybe a math problem on the blackboard, that make us the proudest.
Why is this? I will tell you....
When we don't believe we can do something....and we end up doing it and doing well...we are in disbelief and shock because we actually took the time to provide a solution for ourselves. No one lives our lives but us...the individual.
We all have hopes and dreams.....we all have individual goals we may have had for years....before your current situation ever occurred. How many time I have heard the same thing over and over...
';I wish I had never met %26lt;fill in the blank%26gt;';.
Why? Why is it that when negative things occur, that we always look at the negative instead of the positive. Looking back on life, I have said this silly statement before. I am guilty as charged but I have learned to be a better person for it.
What have I learned? I have learned that being negative only brings more negativity. Some call it the ';Law of attraction';...I call it common sense.
We all have choices....some are easier to make than others. I am not by any means trying to give an overall solution....but providing ';food for thought';. We make poor choices, have done stupid things....say hurtful things we didn't mean....we have learn to hate...instead of being the better person. As a chlid, we learned that lying COULD get you out of trouble....and the truth can be so difficult to tell sometimes not only for us...but for those it involves.
You can be happy....no matter how down you are...no matter how lonely...no matter how defeated you may feel....YOU CAN DO ANYTHING if you allow yourself to.
If someone doesn't love you.......I am sorry....NOT for you...BUT FOR THEM......
Read that again...
If someone doesn't love you.......I am sorry....NOT for you...BUT FOR THEM......
You are a treasure.....you are a gift that is to be appreciated until we take our last breath. You can make a difference in your own life NOT to worry about what someone else my say or ***ume about you.
NO ONE but NO ONE..knows you best.....THAN YOU! Self love can be the most difficult lesson you can learn. We tend to dream of that ';someone'; that will come along and just understand how we work and feel. Some call this our soul mate. Do I believe in soul mates....? Not really....I believe in me 100%. I have too much love to give for free to the people that SHOW ME LOVE.
Actions speak louder than words.....don't let words stand in your way. Don't ever let ANYONE tell you that you can't do anything...
You can do anything....no matter what it is...
All you have to do is believe in yourself. If you have made mistakes in your life up to this point....don't push blame....take responsibility for ONLY the things you need to and learn from it...move on and teach those who will be in your situation possibly down the road.
Don't be afraid....fear can only hold you back. Let it go...let go of the ';what if's...'; Go with what you know is a fact....not what you ***ume or wish....
To each and everyone of you...I want you to know something...
No matter who you are....no matter where you are...no matter how down and out you may feel....
there is hope...there is forgiveness....there is a lesson...and there is a long, and happy life waiting for you on the otherside of your sadness.
Forgive yourself of past mistakes and move on.....love yourself and let yoru confidence SHINE bright. Radiate what you have learned and SMILE again! You can do it....I am living proof that you can do it.
All it takes is a simple decision to let go of sadness and past hurt...
You can do it....Ya wanna know why? You may be siiting there reading this post doubting every word I say....but listen carefully
I mean this with all I am ....
I believe in you.....and all that you are.
Your Friend,
SuperDave71
first even for him wanting a 3 way with you involved is WRONG it might be ok ONCE to see what it is like but never to have it mentioned again unless you both want more than that
second if you can do it by yourself why not do it by yourself we all have the same rigth to love and to be loved as everyone else out there go find that someone else
I am not sure we had enough information to trully digest this whole problem. Oh wait yes we did right at the begining when you said you guys were opening your marriage to others. He does not respect you at all. I know you think I am being harsh but its the truth. You dont respect yourself. If you wanted an open relationship you got it quit complaining if you no longer want that its time to find a different guy you changed he didnt. what if he was the one out of shape and you were still drop dead sexy how would you handle this.
Am i going to get any custody in court on tues for my two years old?
on friday i went down to court and tried to file an emergency custody order i finished all my paper work at 11 45 am they then contacted her and she went down to the courthouse and filed a restraining order so now i have to stay with my mom till tuesday they made me wait in court until 5pm and she got the restraining order at 2 45 pm but heres the deal she goes to a meth clinic every day and eats like 6-8 klonipins and xanex at a time practically every few hours and she has been seeing a gentlemen friend that she knows i know about she drinks and nods off all the time while the 2 and 8yr old are awake she also had her gentleman friend sleep over the other night while the kids were home everything in that apartment is mine i pay all the rent etc we are not married she wont return my engagement ring to me for breaking that promise i believe her infidelity entitles me to the ring back but my major concern is my daughter what can i do they laughed at me friday and wouldnt listen to a word i said. i need a lawyer i might have one but im not sure what is gunna happen i want to be in my daughters life i love that child more than anything in this world. o i also know that she was dismissed from her primary care physicians practice for dirty urines. i have proof via text message that she is seeing this guy in front of my face how do i get custody and her out of my life she wont go she thinks that i should live with her while she goes out and sees guys and i have to stay in and watch the kids everyday and pay for all the rent and bills what do i do please im stressing out cause in mass its tuff but she is not fit to take care of herself let alone the kids. will the court grant her everything even though i paid to file the order and will they leave me with out any rights to my daughter is this a losing battleAm i going to get any custody in court on tues for my two years old?
Darling, you do not own her.She is free to see other men as she pleases so don't even try to use that in court or else you will be laughed at (take this as a good thing, now you don't have to pay her spousal support!)
Now, if she does test dirty, that will be your winning ticket right there.Drug addicts don't deserve to care of children unless they are clean.They will place the kids with you.However, they will not sign away her rights.You have to face that she is there mother and she will never be out of your life.
As far as how everything will play out, you will just have to see what the courts say about it.they are the ones to determine it.I would also give her a 30 day notice to move out of the house.good luck and hope all goes well for you.Am i going to get any custody in court on tues for my two years old?
The first issue when you give someone and engagement ring you gave it to them and it is now their ring. It's nice when they give it back but they are under no obligation and you need to let that go.
Secondly, it does not matter if you have paid the bills and the rent so let that go too.
Thirdly, who cares if she had a guy sleep over that does not in any way impact custody or her right to keep her kids.
Fourthly, You have a text message not medical records and you have no right to her medical records so you have to let that go too.
Fifth point, the fact that she goes to a meth clinic every day just shows that she had a problem and has taken steps to get clean so that doesn't help your case either.
Finally, if she had enough proof to get a restraining order or order of protection that doesn't look good for you. Your best hope is getting them to believe you think the kids are not safe due to the fact she is using other medications without a prescription OR that she is not using them as prescribed and the kids are not safe. IF they can get a CPS investigation on those grounds and she has to have random drug screenings, if she is not clean she will fail and you may have a chance of getting your kid then. Who is the father of the 8 yr old?? If he gets involved for them same reason and fights for custody at the same time you may have a better shot. However, make sure she really deserves to lose her kid because kids need their moms especially when they are little so if this is more about your anger or hurt pride and she really isn't putting your kid in danger then check yourself and do the right thing.
Make anonymous tip off to social services about her not taking care of her children. The more reports they get they will look into it more.
There are pro-bono lawyers that each state can provide for you.
A relative of mine just got over a dirty divorce over a child. The best thing you can do is not to show anger at the other parent. Rather show your love for your child for their rest of their life. When the child comes over I don't express any kind of anger toward the other parent. I want to show my nephew or neice that they are loved and welcomed here. Kids pick up things, and that's not really what you want your child(ren) to feel about you or the other parent.
You shouldn't be treated like that...even if she thinks that you and her should be together just so she can see another guy is not right...you should kick her out... you pay all the bills and rent...you own the place...Hope I helped!
can you answer my question?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?鈥?/a>
Darling, you do not own her.She is free to see other men as she pleases so don't even try to use that in court or else you will be laughed at (take this as a good thing, now you don't have to pay her spousal support!)
Now, if she does test dirty, that will be your winning ticket right there.Drug addicts don't deserve to care of children unless they are clean.They will place the kids with you.However, they will not sign away her rights.You have to face that she is there mother and she will never be out of your life.
As far as how everything will play out, you will just have to see what the courts say about it.they are the ones to determine it.I would also give her a 30 day notice to move out of the house.good luck and hope all goes well for you.Am i going to get any custody in court on tues for my two years old?
The first issue when you give someone and engagement ring you gave it to them and it is now their ring. It's nice when they give it back but they are under no obligation and you need to let that go.
Secondly, it does not matter if you have paid the bills and the rent so let that go too.
Thirdly, who cares if she had a guy sleep over that does not in any way impact custody or her right to keep her kids.
Fourthly, You have a text message not medical records and you have no right to her medical records so you have to let that go too.
Fifth point, the fact that she goes to a meth clinic every day just shows that she had a problem and has taken steps to get clean so that doesn't help your case either.
Finally, if she had enough proof to get a restraining order or order of protection that doesn't look good for you. Your best hope is getting them to believe you think the kids are not safe due to the fact she is using other medications without a prescription OR that she is not using them as prescribed and the kids are not safe. IF they can get a CPS investigation on those grounds and she has to have random drug screenings, if she is not clean she will fail and you may have a chance of getting your kid then. Who is the father of the 8 yr old?? If he gets involved for them same reason and fights for custody at the same time you may have a better shot. However, make sure she really deserves to lose her kid because kids need their moms especially when they are little so if this is more about your anger or hurt pride and she really isn't putting your kid in danger then check yourself and do the right thing.
Make anonymous tip off to social services about her not taking care of her children. The more reports they get they will look into it more.
There are pro-bono lawyers that each state can provide for you.
A relative of mine just got over a dirty divorce over a child. The best thing you can do is not to show anger at the other parent. Rather show your love for your child for their rest of their life. When the child comes over I don't express any kind of anger toward the other parent. I want to show my nephew or neice that they are loved and welcomed here. Kids pick up things, and that's not really what you want your child(ren) to feel about you or the other parent.
You shouldn't be treated like that...even if she thinks that you and her should be together just so she can see another guy is not right...you should kick her out... you pay all the bills and rent...you own the place...Hope I helped!
can you answer my question?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?鈥?/a>
Mother in law advice?
ok I need help, I have a mother in law who used to be my best friend/ aside from my hubby. She was awesome. Long story short, she did a lot of horrible things, ended up divorcing my f.i.l and blaming everything on him and ';his infidelity'; when come to find out it was actually the other way around. It has really hurt a lot of people but she is now remarried to a man nobody really cares for, she is sneaky and manipulative, and blames others for her doing. I havn't spoken to her in almost a year. We have moved recently and have a one year old little boy now, the problem is that we live next door to the grandparents, (her parents) and they keep trying to force us to love/ like her. They don't know what she's done and we don't want to upset them by telling them, (they are very stuck in their was and probably wouldn't believe us anyhow). The big problem is now she is coming up for a visit for over a week and will know if I am home or not obviously. I can't hide, but I can hardly stand to be around her and her ';husband'; who by the way picked up my five month old BY THE WRIST to move him!!! He should not be around children, he's a careless clumsy oaff around them. I don't know what to do. OH! and to top it all off, another soon to be sister in law is also coming and my darling mother n law told her that I (in reality she) said all of these nasty things about her, which were comments that I might have agreed with, but that originated out of her mouth!!! How do I deal with my brother in law, his soon to be wife, (who probably hate me) and my ';darling sweet innocent'; mother in law?????Mother in law advice?
First of all - it's okay to feel like you do. You've been betrayed. Acknowledge what you're feeling.
That being said, this isn't just a friend you can sweep to the side. This is the grandmother to your child, the mother to your husband.
What do you do? You put on the big girl pants because your MIL obviously can't. You put on the happy face for that one week and be a part of the family. It's only one week. By no means are you required to spend all day, every day with them. If you're at home and they are at you husband's grandparents' house, it's okay. You have a child who needs to nap.
Also, talk to your husband about limits. My grandfather-in-law tried to carry my 2-month old around the house when he could barely walk himself. I didn't feel comfortable just ripping the baby out of his arms, so I was able to hold the baby WITH him. Other times my husband would step in and take control.
Remember this is his family.
Now as for your brother-in-law and his soon-to-be-wife, prove her lies wrong!! Be your sweet self. Show them a good time! Just because your MIL is bitter doesn't mean you have to be. Don't fall into her trap!Mother in law advice?
I would say c u n t punch your mother in law and kick them to the curb.
U don't deal with them at all! Are you renting from the grandparent in laws? Either way, just act as if they aren't there. If they knock or call, don't answer! However if you bump into them outside and they try to be nice to you then be cordial. If the mom and brother want to see your child as long as they are respectable I would let them. However if the brothers wife has an attitude, realize you don't owe her anything. You can tell her that you didn't start the drama or tell the lies and since she couldn't come to you as an adult and talk it over she is not welcome in your home. I would also make it clear that the oaf is not welcome in my house period because you don't want him around your child. You and your husband don't owe anybody anything, their indiscretions are not your problem and I wouldn't let it burden me! After all you have a good marriage and a beautiful son who needs anything else!
Good Luck!
First of all - it's okay to feel like you do. You've been betrayed. Acknowledge what you're feeling.
That being said, this isn't just a friend you can sweep to the side. This is the grandmother to your child, the mother to your husband.
What do you do? You put on the big girl pants because your MIL obviously can't. You put on the happy face for that one week and be a part of the family. It's only one week. By no means are you required to spend all day, every day with them. If you're at home and they are at you husband's grandparents' house, it's okay. You have a child who needs to nap.
Also, talk to your husband about limits. My grandfather-in-law tried to carry my 2-month old around the house when he could barely walk himself. I didn't feel comfortable just ripping the baby out of his arms, so I was able to hold the baby WITH him. Other times my husband would step in and take control.
Remember this is his family.
Now as for your brother-in-law and his soon-to-be-wife, prove her lies wrong!! Be your sweet self. Show them a good time! Just because your MIL is bitter doesn't mean you have to be. Don't fall into her trap!Mother in law advice?
I would say c u n t punch your mother in law and kick them to the curb.
U don't deal with them at all! Are you renting from the grandparent in laws? Either way, just act as if they aren't there. If they knock or call, don't answer! However if you bump into them outside and they try to be nice to you then be cordial. If the mom and brother want to see your child as long as they are respectable I would let them. However if the brothers wife has an attitude, realize you don't owe her anything. You can tell her that you didn't start the drama or tell the lies and since she couldn't come to you as an adult and talk it over she is not welcome in your home. I would also make it clear that the oaf is not welcome in my house period because you don't want him around your child. You and your husband don't owe anybody anything, their indiscretions are not your problem and I wouldn't let it burden me! After all you have a good marriage and a beautiful son who needs anything else!
Good Luck!
Question for Christian Wives please...sorry a bit long?
I have recently learned of my husbands infidelity. I am absolutely heartbroken of course. What makes things worse is that things were good before all this. We both really love each other and he feels like the biggest failure (putting it mildly) as a man ever. He doesn't want to recommit to me because he doesn't trust himself not to do it again, because he failed on his vows the first time and never ever thought he would.
I would forgive him.... except that he hasn't asked for it. He says he doesn't deserve it. Whats MORE is that he hasn't yet cut off communication with this other woman! (they were friends from a long time ago, long before I even knew my husband).. so he`s trying to deal with the loss of that friendship also. 2 days ago, I left him (distanced myself physically but still love him) because I refused to be with him when he still communicates with her. He was crushed and shocked....... but yet STILL hasn`t ceased communication (although he says he will do the right thing).
So now my question is..... has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and how did you handle it? I am trying to be as loving as possible, but its hard when you feel your the only one trying.Question for Christian Wives please...sorry a bit long?
I'm not a Christian Wife, but I still have an answer for you.
Times up for games and smoke tricks; talk to him directly, state your concerns and be honest. Drop the formalities, if he has messed up beyond repair tell him. If he hasn't, ask him if he is sorry for what he has done and find out what he'll do to avoid this mistake in the future.
Life isn't a fairy tale; if you don't ask, he won't tell.Question for Christian Wives please...sorry a bit long?
it is beautiful that you have been able to forgive him and that will help you to be Focus on what you want to do to save your marriage. The first thing is that you keep on talking to God about what is happening He is faithful enough to sort it out. It is a bit difficult but keep on been patience, no nagging, no argument keep on been nice and good and take good care of you self and kid. Take good care of you health God will put an end to the strange woman
He doesn't actually want your forgiveness because he wants to have his cake and eat it too! This way you are the one doing the leaving so it is now both your faults.Once a cheater always a cheater, christian or not! Good luck with it because it sounds like you're the one doing all the work and that will get old very soon.
I divorced my lying cheating Baptist Republican fake christian narcissistic (ex) husband. Even his own lawyer was disgusted by his lies. But that's just me. After 13 years I couldn't take his phoney life any longer. I was a pawn in his ';I'm a good guy'; game.
He sounds like he is actually getting you to feel sorry for him. Wow. See how that ';good guy'; stuff works?
Are you naive? Once a cheater always a cheater! Trying to deal with loss of a friendship... please- if he were my husband he'd be dealing with loss of something else, ala Lorena Bobbit! ;)
you are still with him when he did this to you and isnt even cutting off communication with this other women? divorce him bcuz even HE knows he will cheat again. have a backbone and leave him bcuz he will continue to hurt you the more u let it go on
I have been where you are.
I would suggest that you read the book by Dr. James Dobson ';Love Must Be Tough';
I suggest that you get yourself into counselling ASAP
get him nudered
Tell Tiger its over and move on
I've never been in that situation, but my opinion is to leave him.
First of all you have the right to be angry. You sound like you are begging for him to stay with you. Why would you want that if he is telling you he will cheat again. You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. He hasn't cut things off with this other woman because he doesn't want to!
I am sure he loves you with everything he has but he can't have it both ways. Set the grounds rules and then cut off contact with him. He will do what he wants in the end so don't wait around crying your heart out.
I haven't been in this situation before, but just wanted to tell you that I just said a heart-felt prayer on your behalf that your husband find his way back to you. I prayed that He help guides your husband back to you %26amp; that he realizes that he wants to be with you %26amp; forgets about that other gal. I've been told that I can pray for anyone I want, even if I've never met that person, so that's just what I did.
My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I pray that he comes to his senses %26amp; realizes that he needs to be with you. Take care. Roz
he has violated your marriage vows. divorce him and later you will meet a nice Christian man that will give you the love you deserve. If you look in the Bible Abraham had a mistress that Sarah had to tolerate and as soon as she had Issac, she threw Hagar out and reclaimed her husband. Abraham was a womanizer anyway. It is strange that old men's trousers are named out of an ancient biblical mistress. Hagar trousers. Send your husband's mistress an old pair of hagar trousers and tell her they are named in her honor. To be honest I am a Christian too and if I were in your situation I would throw a basket of your husbands dirty underwear and toss them in her face. the rest of his clothes can go to the Salvation Army, a good Christian organization!
Honey, he's told you he doesn't trust himself, AND he's still keeping in touch w/this person. You have every rite to distance yourself from him. He did you wrong %26amp; I would not be a bit surprised if he didn't do it again. Especially since he's still in touch w/her. I feel he too well knows this %26amp; this is why he doesn't trust himself. As long as they are continuing to communicate w/one another I don't feel you have a fair chance of saving your marriage. You do not have to be a ';door mat'; he's going to do nothing but wipe his feet on you so to speak. IF you could, I'd cut off all communication w/him as long as he has her upfront %26amp; in the picture. You've offered him forgiveness, he can't/won't even accept that from you. He knows in his heart he's just going to keep hurting you %26amp; continue doing the SAME things he's already done to you. I DO NOT feel the Lord would want you to keep hanging on to someone who is going to keep committing adultery against you, which is what he's doing against you. He HAS broken one of the ten commandments. From the sounds of it, he still may do it again. You said you would forgive him, BUT in all honesty could you still be able to trust him again! I think not %26amp; rite fully so. You deserve far better than this, I'd pray about it %26amp; put it in God's Hands. I feel he's already given you a ';sign';of what to do about this situation. IF he can't trust himself, then how can you fully trust him again. I believe things happen for reasons regardless if we know what they are or don't. I walked in your shoes before in my past. I KNOW how it feels to be cheated on time %26amp; time again. I just kept hanging in hoping things would change but they didn't, For 12 long yrs. I waited for a change %26amp; did NOT get it. I finally got to the point where I could not hang in any longer, I made the decision to let go. When I did, I felt like a ton of bricks rolled off my shoulders, I was finally FREE of ALL of it. FREE to go forward %26amp; start a new begging for myself %26amp; my life. You no doubt have just not met the rite person for you, but there IS a rite person out there for you. Someone who WILL love you as you deserve to be loved, someone who WILL be true to you. THIS IS what you deserve. Do NOt feel guilty for being true to yourself, for sticking up for yourself. I would give him the choice of either you or her. IF he chooses her OR says he cannot commit to you, then I would consider leaving him %26amp; having a chance of happiness for YOU...I DO wish you the best...:)
you are not the only one. Once a woman enticed my husband. The way I see it Men Have two brains and do not always use there best judgment when thinking with one of them. Temptation is a hard thing to beat. My husband came home crying, and asked for forgiveness even though the little episode ended abruptly. He could not continue through, because he could not get his mind off of me. I hate to say this but men are vulnerable. They will never understand a woman, even if they try to. Men can not handle temptation very well. Most men do not recognize when a woman is flirting with them or just being nice. It sounds to me though that this woman was a woman of his past, possibly one that he would of liked to have a future with before you came along. I think this woman knew this and took advantage of the situation even though she knew he was married. I would be angry with the other women for destroying what you two had. I am sure she knew he was married but did not care or consider anyone else's feelings but her own. She sounds like a very self centered woman, and very selfish. Your husband still communicates with her so obviously he is not ready to break all ties with her. If he truly loves you; then you should be the most important thing in his life. He should dump this woman like a hot potato, for coming in between his marriage. You should not expect him to to ask for forgiveness. Some men are truly sorry but do not know how to say it. He says he does not want to recommit because he does not trust himself. This tells me he obviously still loves and cares for this women. You left him and he was shocked because he did think you would ever leave. You are doing the right thing if he is not willing to drop his other friend; unless you are willing to deal with his infidelity as a part of your life. I know you love him dearly and it is very hard right now, but you need to stick to your guns know matter how hard it hurts. He needs to break all ties with this other woman first; until he can do this, you will never be happily married and be able to work through this. I hope for your; that you will be able to get through this trying time and be able to build your marriage back. Just remember it takes two to work things out, and you can't always have your cake and eat it to. God bless and I will keep you in my prayers.
this is what happened to me, i am a Christian, i found out earlier this year he had an affair last year, he is in the mideast then before he came home for Thanksgiving he saw her again.
he works security in the mideast, he said he never will again then i saw her email again and he left a c.d. here w/pics of her on it.
i am trying to forgive but everybody thinks i'm crazy.
he said i could never never forgive him its over, but he kept trying to kiss and hug me,
the last thing i want is him touching me, but he wont really communicate with me verbally.
now he's back working there, he says he's not in touch w/her but he's a compulsive liar.
i am committed to my church, and i pray more lately. that's what i do.
i KNOW God will work things out for my good. just keep the faith, God is on your side. i was up crying last night but i know Jesus is with me, i feel sorry for their souls.
I went through something similar 3 or 4 years ago with my husband. The only difference is that his ';affair'; was more of an emotional thing and he left me (not for her but DID spent time with her while he was gone). I didn't know for 6 months that they were keeping in contact through myspace. It crushed me...twice over. In the end it came down to understanding WHY everything happened. We have a wonderful relationship now but he wanted forgivness for leaving me right from the start. A year after coming home he was over the road (driving semi's) and had hours to think. He called me one day at 2 in the morning crying. He told me how sorry he was for breaking my heart and told me he would never leave me again. Obviously in our relationship the fact that he left me was the big issue. His ';affair'; was not a true affair but more or less a double blow after the fact. Either way...for a relationship to move on he must be truly sorry and truly willing to re-commit himself to the relationship. Obviously your husband is not ready for this. That doesn't mean he never will be but understand that he may not. Go about your life in the way that is best for you and see where it takes you from there.
I would forgive him.... except that he hasn't asked for it. He says he doesn't deserve it. Whats MORE is that he hasn't yet cut off communication with this other woman! (they were friends from a long time ago, long before I even knew my husband).. so he`s trying to deal with the loss of that friendship also. 2 days ago, I left him (distanced myself physically but still love him) because I refused to be with him when he still communicates with her. He was crushed and shocked....... but yet STILL hasn`t ceased communication (although he says he will do the right thing).
So now my question is..... has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and how did you handle it? I am trying to be as loving as possible, but its hard when you feel your the only one trying.Question for Christian Wives please...sorry a bit long?
I'm not a Christian Wife, but I still have an answer for you.
Times up for games and smoke tricks; talk to him directly, state your concerns and be honest. Drop the formalities, if he has messed up beyond repair tell him. If he hasn't, ask him if he is sorry for what he has done and find out what he'll do to avoid this mistake in the future.
Life isn't a fairy tale; if you don't ask, he won't tell.Question for Christian Wives please...sorry a bit long?
it is beautiful that you have been able to forgive him and that will help you to be Focus on what you want to do to save your marriage. The first thing is that you keep on talking to God about what is happening He is faithful enough to sort it out. It is a bit difficult but keep on been patience, no nagging, no argument keep on been nice and good and take good care of you self and kid. Take good care of you health God will put an end to the strange woman
He doesn't actually want your forgiveness because he wants to have his cake and eat it too! This way you are the one doing the leaving so it is now both your faults.Once a cheater always a cheater, christian or not! Good luck with it because it sounds like you're the one doing all the work and that will get old very soon.
I divorced my lying cheating Baptist Republican fake christian narcissistic (ex) husband. Even his own lawyer was disgusted by his lies. But that's just me. After 13 years I couldn't take his phoney life any longer. I was a pawn in his ';I'm a good guy'; game.
He sounds like he is actually getting you to feel sorry for him. Wow. See how that ';good guy'; stuff works?
Are you naive? Once a cheater always a cheater! Trying to deal with loss of a friendship... please- if he were my husband he'd be dealing with loss of something else, ala Lorena Bobbit! ;)
you are still with him when he did this to you and isnt even cutting off communication with this other women? divorce him bcuz even HE knows he will cheat again. have a backbone and leave him bcuz he will continue to hurt you the more u let it go on
I have been where you are.
I would suggest that you read the book by Dr. James Dobson ';Love Must Be Tough';
I suggest that you get yourself into counselling ASAP
get him nudered
Tell Tiger its over and move on
I've never been in that situation, but my opinion is to leave him.
First of all you have the right to be angry. You sound like you are begging for him to stay with you. Why would you want that if he is telling you he will cheat again. You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. He hasn't cut things off with this other woman because he doesn't want to!
I am sure he loves you with everything he has but he can't have it both ways. Set the grounds rules and then cut off contact with him. He will do what he wants in the end so don't wait around crying your heart out.
I haven't been in this situation before, but just wanted to tell you that I just said a heart-felt prayer on your behalf that your husband find his way back to you. I prayed that He help guides your husband back to you %26amp; that he realizes that he wants to be with you %26amp; forgets about that other gal. I've been told that I can pray for anyone I want, even if I've never met that person, so that's just what I did.
My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I pray that he comes to his senses %26amp; realizes that he needs to be with you. Take care. Roz
he has violated your marriage vows. divorce him and later you will meet a nice Christian man that will give you the love you deserve. If you look in the Bible Abraham had a mistress that Sarah had to tolerate and as soon as she had Issac, she threw Hagar out and reclaimed her husband. Abraham was a womanizer anyway. It is strange that old men's trousers are named out of an ancient biblical mistress. Hagar trousers. Send your husband's mistress an old pair of hagar trousers and tell her they are named in her honor. To be honest I am a Christian too and if I were in your situation I would throw a basket of your husbands dirty underwear and toss them in her face. the rest of his clothes can go to the Salvation Army, a good Christian organization!
Honey, he's told you he doesn't trust himself, AND he's still keeping in touch w/this person. You have every rite to distance yourself from him. He did you wrong %26amp; I would not be a bit surprised if he didn't do it again. Especially since he's still in touch w/her. I feel he too well knows this %26amp; this is why he doesn't trust himself. As long as they are continuing to communicate w/one another I don't feel you have a fair chance of saving your marriage. You do not have to be a ';door mat'; he's going to do nothing but wipe his feet on you so to speak. IF you could, I'd cut off all communication w/him as long as he has her upfront %26amp; in the picture. You've offered him forgiveness, he can't/won't even accept that from you. He knows in his heart he's just going to keep hurting you %26amp; continue doing the SAME things he's already done to you. I DO NOT feel the Lord would want you to keep hanging on to someone who is going to keep committing adultery against you, which is what he's doing against you. He HAS broken one of the ten commandments. From the sounds of it, he still may do it again. You said you would forgive him, BUT in all honesty could you still be able to trust him again! I think not %26amp; rite fully so. You deserve far better than this, I'd pray about it %26amp; put it in God's Hands. I feel he's already given you a ';sign';of what to do about this situation. IF he can't trust himself, then how can you fully trust him again. I believe things happen for reasons regardless if we know what they are or don't. I walked in your shoes before in my past. I KNOW how it feels to be cheated on time %26amp; time again. I just kept hanging in hoping things would change but they didn't, For 12 long yrs. I waited for a change %26amp; did NOT get it. I finally got to the point where I could not hang in any longer, I made the decision to let go. When I did, I felt like a ton of bricks rolled off my shoulders, I was finally FREE of ALL of it. FREE to go forward %26amp; start a new begging for myself %26amp; my life. You no doubt have just not met the rite person for you, but there IS a rite person out there for you. Someone who WILL love you as you deserve to be loved, someone who WILL be true to you. THIS IS what you deserve. Do NOt feel guilty for being true to yourself, for sticking up for yourself. I would give him the choice of either you or her. IF he chooses her OR says he cannot commit to you, then I would consider leaving him %26amp; having a chance of happiness for YOU...I DO wish you the best...:)
you are not the only one. Once a woman enticed my husband. The way I see it Men Have two brains and do not always use there best judgment when thinking with one of them. Temptation is a hard thing to beat. My husband came home crying, and asked for forgiveness even though the little episode ended abruptly. He could not continue through, because he could not get his mind off of me. I hate to say this but men are vulnerable. They will never understand a woman, even if they try to. Men can not handle temptation very well. Most men do not recognize when a woman is flirting with them or just being nice. It sounds to me though that this woman was a woman of his past, possibly one that he would of liked to have a future with before you came along. I think this woman knew this and took advantage of the situation even though she knew he was married. I would be angry with the other women for destroying what you two had. I am sure she knew he was married but did not care or consider anyone else's feelings but her own. She sounds like a very self centered woman, and very selfish. Your husband still communicates with her so obviously he is not ready to break all ties with her. If he truly loves you; then you should be the most important thing in his life. He should dump this woman like a hot potato, for coming in between his marriage. You should not expect him to to ask for forgiveness. Some men are truly sorry but do not know how to say it. He says he does not want to recommit because he does not trust himself. This tells me he obviously still loves and cares for this women. You left him and he was shocked because he did think you would ever leave. You are doing the right thing if he is not willing to drop his other friend; unless you are willing to deal with his infidelity as a part of your life. I know you love him dearly and it is very hard right now, but you need to stick to your guns know matter how hard it hurts. He needs to break all ties with this other woman first; until he can do this, you will never be happily married and be able to work through this. I hope for your; that you will be able to get through this trying time and be able to build your marriage back. Just remember it takes two to work things out, and you can't always have your cake and eat it to. God bless and I will keep you in my prayers.
this is what happened to me, i am a Christian, i found out earlier this year he had an affair last year, he is in the mideast then before he came home for Thanksgiving he saw her again.
he works security in the mideast, he said he never will again then i saw her email again and he left a c.d. here w/pics of her on it.
i am trying to forgive but everybody thinks i'm crazy.
he said i could never never forgive him its over, but he kept trying to kiss and hug me,
the last thing i want is him touching me, but he wont really communicate with me verbally.
now he's back working there, he says he's not in touch w/her but he's a compulsive liar.
i am committed to my church, and i pray more lately. that's what i do.
i KNOW God will work things out for my good. just keep the faith, God is on your side. i was up crying last night but i know Jesus is with me, i feel sorry for their souls.
I went through something similar 3 or 4 years ago with my husband. The only difference is that his ';affair'; was more of an emotional thing and he left me (not for her but DID spent time with her while he was gone). I didn't know for 6 months that they were keeping in contact through myspace. It crushed me...twice over. In the end it came down to understanding WHY everything happened. We have a wonderful relationship now but he wanted forgivness for leaving me right from the start. A year after coming home he was over the road (driving semi's) and had hours to think. He called me one day at 2 in the morning crying. He told me how sorry he was for breaking my heart and told me he would never leave me again. Obviously in our relationship the fact that he left me was the big issue. His ';affair'; was not a true affair but more or less a double blow after the fact. Either way...for a relationship to move on he must be truly sorry and truly willing to re-commit himself to the relationship. Obviously your husband is not ready for this. That doesn't mean he never will be but understand that he may not. Go about your life in the way that is best for you and see where it takes you from there.
Why does everyone despise Katie Price so much?
Just to let you know, I am not a fan of hers or anything but I am just giving a different point of view here.
I don't really understand why everyone despises her so much. She hasn't killed anyone?
Have people forgotten how she got famous in the first place? yes, as a glamour model.
A month or so after the relationship broke down she went to Ibiza for a photo shoot (her job) and also a holiday with her friends. Which she is entitled to do. Loads of people go on a holiday once they have come out of a long term relationship. She left the kids with their father (who has responsibilities too) and she was only away for less than a week.
Pete also jetted off to India around the same time, but that's ok because he is a man right?
Just because Pete knows how to play the press better than Katie, he knows how to come across as a saint, where she stays true to herself.
She hasn't changed as a person, she has always been an outgoing extroverted person who likes attention...why has everyone forgotten this?
What is the big deal?
Recently there have been more people slagging Katie Price off than the Baby P murderers. Get this into perspective people!
Neither of them are perfect parents but she is the one who is painted as the bad person. Pete jets off and leaves the kids with their nanny just as much as she does.
I think its all very sexist. It reminds me of the David Beckham /Rebbecca Loos scandal - Everyone blamed Loos or Victoria for his infidelity but not one person blamed David?
What are your opinions ?Why does everyone despise Katie Price so much?
everyone despises her because she is a cheap and nasty piece of work and she treated peter like crap. She's had two different guys already since her and peter split, what kind of example is she showing to her younger fans? She should've kept her big mouth shut about the miscarriage, it was nothing to do with the public at all, but she obviously thought if she talked about it on the interview she did it pierce morgan, she's make money out of it. Peter had been invited to India to host an awards ceremony and to promote his new album. He did'nt go out getting drunk every night or flaunting himself infront of other women. Kate has had her cake and eaten it as far as peter is concerned, I'm just waiting for it all to go **** up (scuse the pun) for her and she loses the lot.Why does everyone despise Katie Price so much?
she's had more c..ock ends than weekends and is a nasty piece of work!!!
Who is Katie Price?
Gosh - a lot of strong opinions on here! I don't despise her because I don't actually know her. I am not interested in the way either of them live their lives TBH. The kids seem to be happy and well looked after so I guess that's all that matters. Anyway, every time a celebrity marriage breaks up the woman always gets the blame. She is too thin, too ambitious, too sexy etc...... I guess Katie was just too Jordan for Peter!
Because she is a two faced lying cow is the main reason..
She preaches happy family and all that crap when it suits her BUT what she forgets to tell you is the porn (hard) film she made with one of her lovers that 'mysteriously' appeared on the web....
She is a two faced hypocrite of the highest order - she kinda shoots herself in the foot every time she opens her enormous gob
What a load of tosh. the reason no-one like her is because she doesn't care about anybody at all! Not even her own children, so she goes weeks without seeing them and she isn't even decent to the FATHER of her children, not letting him see them. She's more interested in getting wasted and out of her head. She's such a bad mother right now, she needs to pull herself together before she loses custody.
I don't really understand why everyone despises her so much. She hasn't killed anyone?
Have people forgotten how she got famous in the first place? yes, as a glamour model.
A month or so after the relationship broke down she went to Ibiza for a photo shoot (her job) and also a holiday with her friends. Which she is entitled to do. Loads of people go on a holiday once they have come out of a long term relationship. She left the kids with their father (who has responsibilities too) and she was only away for less than a week.
Pete also jetted off to India around the same time, but that's ok because he is a man right?
Just because Pete knows how to play the press better than Katie, he knows how to come across as a saint, where she stays true to herself.
She hasn't changed as a person, she has always been an outgoing extroverted person who likes attention...why has everyone forgotten this?
What is the big deal?
Recently there have been more people slagging Katie Price off than the Baby P murderers. Get this into perspective people!
Neither of them are perfect parents but she is the one who is painted as the bad person. Pete jets off and leaves the kids with their nanny just as much as she does.
I think its all very sexist. It reminds me of the David Beckham /Rebbecca Loos scandal - Everyone blamed Loos or Victoria for his infidelity but not one person blamed David?
What are your opinions ?Why does everyone despise Katie Price so much?
everyone despises her because she is a cheap and nasty piece of work and she treated peter like crap. She's had two different guys already since her and peter split, what kind of example is she showing to her younger fans? She should've kept her big mouth shut about the miscarriage, it was nothing to do with the public at all, but she obviously thought if she talked about it on the interview she did it pierce morgan, she's make money out of it. Peter had been invited to India to host an awards ceremony and to promote his new album. He did'nt go out getting drunk every night or flaunting himself infront of other women. Kate has had her cake and eaten it as far as peter is concerned, I'm just waiting for it all to go **** up (scuse the pun) for her and she loses the lot.Why does everyone despise Katie Price so much?
she's had more c..ock ends than weekends and is a nasty piece of work!!!
Who is Katie Price?
Gosh - a lot of strong opinions on here! I don't despise her because I don't actually know her. I am not interested in the way either of them live their lives TBH. The kids seem to be happy and well looked after so I guess that's all that matters. Anyway, every time a celebrity marriage breaks up the woman always gets the blame. She is too thin, too ambitious, too sexy etc...... I guess Katie was just too Jordan for Peter!
Because she is a two faced lying cow is the main reason..
She preaches happy family and all that crap when it suits her BUT what she forgets to tell you is the porn (hard) film she made with one of her lovers that 'mysteriously' appeared on the web....
She is a two faced hypocrite of the highest order - she kinda shoots herself in the foot every time she opens her enormous gob
What a load of tosh. the reason no-one like her is because she doesn't care about anybody at all! Not even her own children, so she goes weeks without seeing them and she isn't even decent to the FATHER of her children, not letting him see them. She's more interested in getting wasted and out of her head. She's such a bad mother right now, she needs to pull herself together before she loses custody.
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder?
I recently went to the local crisis center after trying to commit suicide on a drinking binge which i recently got started on after having a very bad break up with my boyfriend which centered around infidelity on his part. Well, things had been getting really bad to the point I could not cope. Most people don't understand what it's like with the hell living with borderline personality disorder. I have been doing extensive therapy this week having to see someone everyday to make sure that I don't self harm and or try to commit suicide.
What I'm wondering is aside from seeking help which i did how does someone actually deal with the abandonment issues? I cut and its causing damage to my tendons now. I tried binge drinking and well that turned into trying to kill myself and now I just got to the point where I know if it does not change soon I wont be here alot longer. I'm not saying this for sympathy I know 10% of people with BPD do commit suicide and I really do not want it to go to that extreme how do others living with this manage to cope are there some kind of forums or something to talk to others with this issues or other people who have found ways to cope with them other than cutting, random sex partners, drinking and drugs? None of this helps it just really makes it alot worse :(
help...Living with Borderline Personality Disorder?
Hi, well as said in my last answer you really need to have your medication reviewed and i believe you should try the antdepressant cymbalta as it is very good - i was hospitalised for depression and they put almost everyone on this and its the only one that helped me - but regardless even if cymbalta does not work you need to fnd one that does.
It sounds like you may need to go and stay in hospital (psych ward) for a few weeks to really get some intensive help. I had to do it and dont regret it. There were a lot of 'respectable' people in there with good jobs who were pretty or whatever so dont feel ashamed.
My mum was sexually abused and had bpd plus 3 kids and no help from my dad. She managed to stop drinking and to be honest my mum is not all there so if she can do it you can too She had to go to hospital to stop too. I think you should admit yourself to a psych ward as soon as you can and just focus on getting better.
Btw alot of doctors do not like to diagnose people wth having bpd as they are often wrong and it crosses over with other disorders. I have been told i 'might have it' which was no help to me because they couldnt even confirm it. I would be careful of labellng yourself BDD because you may have a mix of other disorders its really hard to say. I think it also makes people feel helpless about stuff being labelled as that - sexual abuse survivers can go on to have healthy relationships and i think these labels make them think they cant. Btw my mum has been wth a new guy 3 years and he is not at all abusve and treats her really well - goes to show you wll not be in destructive relationships necessarily.Living with Borderline Personality Disorder?
you need professional help to learn coping skills and well as having a medication review.
my heart really goes out to you because i experienced a mental disorder during my pregnancy and it's so hard to see the light when you're there.
i wish I could cuddle you and light that torch for you. You need a mum, a dad, a sister or brother. You need someone to help you till you find your way.
Your mind is so powerful it has created this. Just imagine if you found a place where you could teach your mind to create something amazing. May I suggest you tell everyone you need help. If no one listens, go to a church, a synagogue, a buddhist temple *my preference';, a mosque and ask for help. Stay clear of unknown religions because you're really vulnerable now.
You can learn to tell this mind of yours how you want to live. In the meantime, it's OK to use meds. Dont fight them. At least try something like St Johns Wort.
This earth is holding you up my friend. You are not alone. You are obviously smart but are just making bad choices. Follow the norm...society. Pretend for 24 hours that you are a princess and part of the norm society and then if that works, do it for 48 hours.
You need to have some fun and relaxation too.
Firstly i think getting out of that last relationship was the best thing you could have done ---- although you feel betrayed i think deep down you know you deserve better. I have never had BPD but have been depression free for about 3 yrs now but before that was living a pure nightmare. I was in an abusive relationship with my highschool sweetheart soulmate (that virgo guy) and he ended up being really abusive for the last 2 yrs of the relationship... I had sever depression and anxiety that was CHRONIC all day everyday... tried 6 diff meds finally found one that did not cause brain zaps only to discover that i had toxic reaction to it.... i got off -- had withdrawal and all this terrible bas SH** happened... I had to go to 4 months of intense therapy and my health had to hit rock bottom -- develped chronic fatugue and fibromyalgia for 5 yrs from the trauma that it caused me... was unemployed for 2 yrs. ... anyway to cut the long depressing story short .... just want to say your not alone.... i guess my point is in my situation i had to hit rock bottom before i started making my come back 5 yrs in the making.... Im not sure if your religious or not .. but i used to pray hard but my first bible in the midst of all that and felt my angels always guiding me and taking care of me... I am soo strong now because of what i went through... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... Also have you ever thought maybe your going through this for a reason and that maybe your supposed to go through this crap to come out the other end. Definately seek help, people are out there just like you and you are not alone.....blue hair loan
What I'm wondering is aside from seeking help which i did how does someone actually deal with the abandonment issues? I cut and its causing damage to my tendons now. I tried binge drinking and well that turned into trying to kill myself and now I just got to the point where I know if it does not change soon I wont be here alot longer. I'm not saying this for sympathy I know 10% of people with BPD do commit suicide and I really do not want it to go to that extreme how do others living with this manage to cope are there some kind of forums or something to talk to others with this issues or other people who have found ways to cope with them other than cutting, random sex partners, drinking and drugs? None of this helps it just really makes it alot worse :(
help...Living with Borderline Personality Disorder?
Hi, well as said in my last answer you really need to have your medication reviewed and i believe you should try the antdepressant cymbalta as it is very good - i was hospitalised for depression and they put almost everyone on this and its the only one that helped me - but regardless even if cymbalta does not work you need to fnd one that does.
It sounds like you may need to go and stay in hospital (psych ward) for a few weeks to really get some intensive help. I had to do it and dont regret it. There were a lot of 'respectable' people in there with good jobs who were pretty or whatever so dont feel ashamed.
My mum was sexually abused and had bpd plus 3 kids and no help from my dad. She managed to stop drinking and to be honest my mum is not all there so if she can do it you can too She had to go to hospital to stop too. I think you should admit yourself to a psych ward as soon as you can and just focus on getting better.
Btw alot of doctors do not like to diagnose people wth having bpd as they are often wrong and it crosses over with other disorders. I have been told i 'might have it' which was no help to me because they couldnt even confirm it. I would be careful of labellng yourself BDD because you may have a mix of other disorders its really hard to say. I think it also makes people feel helpless about stuff being labelled as that - sexual abuse survivers can go on to have healthy relationships and i think these labels make them think they cant. Btw my mum has been wth a new guy 3 years and he is not at all abusve and treats her really well - goes to show you wll not be in destructive relationships necessarily.Living with Borderline Personality Disorder?
you need professional help to learn coping skills and well as having a medication review.
my heart really goes out to you because i experienced a mental disorder during my pregnancy and it's so hard to see the light when you're there.
i wish I could cuddle you and light that torch for you. You need a mum, a dad, a sister or brother. You need someone to help you till you find your way.
Your mind is so powerful it has created this. Just imagine if you found a place where you could teach your mind to create something amazing. May I suggest you tell everyone you need help. If no one listens, go to a church, a synagogue, a buddhist temple *my preference';, a mosque and ask for help. Stay clear of unknown religions because you're really vulnerable now.
You can learn to tell this mind of yours how you want to live. In the meantime, it's OK to use meds. Dont fight them. At least try something like St Johns Wort.
This earth is holding you up my friend. You are not alone. You are obviously smart but are just making bad choices. Follow the norm...society. Pretend for 24 hours that you are a princess and part of the norm society and then if that works, do it for 48 hours.
You need to have some fun and relaxation too.
Firstly i think getting out of that last relationship was the best thing you could have done ---- although you feel betrayed i think deep down you know you deserve better. I have never had BPD but have been depression free for about 3 yrs now but before that was living a pure nightmare. I was in an abusive relationship with my highschool sweetheart soulmate (that virgo guy) and he ended up being really abusive for the last 2 yrs of the relationship... I had sever depression and anxiety that was CHRONIC all day everyday... tried 6 diff meds finally found one that did not cause brain zaps only to discover that i had toxic reaction to it.... i got off -- had withdrawal and all this terrible bas SH** happened... I had to go to 4 months of intense therapy and my health had to hit rock bottom -- develped chronic fatugue and fibromyalgia for 5 yrs from the trauma that it caused me... was unemployed for 2 yrs. ... anyway to cut the long depressing story short .... just want to say your not alone.... i guess my point is in my situation i had to hit rock bottom before i started making my come back 5 yrs in the making.... Im not sure if your religious or not .. but i used to pray hard but my first bible in the midst of all that and felt my angels always guiding me and taking care of me... I am soo strong now because of what i went through... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... Also have you ever thought maybe your going through this for a reason and that maybe your supposed to go through this crap to come out the other end. Definately seek help, people are out there just like you and you are not alone.....
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