How do handle financial infidelity in a relationship?

he takes money out of the ATM without my knowledge and overdraws the account, he buys me small things and said someone else paid or he got it for free, he spends on things we don't need. When I confront him he acts like it's no big deal. He carries the money so I never know what we have to work with because he won't tell me. I want to carry my own paycheck ,which is direct deposited into a joint account which he takes out, and I'm thinking of getting my own account so he doesn't mees my credit up much more. I want to save and spend wisely but he makes it difficult. I see an argument in the future if I tell him my plans. Any advice?How do handle financial infidelity in a relationship?
I would turn off the TV. Get him to face me, and then say this: ';I want to discuss something with you that is INCREDIBLY important to me. I need you to listen to me so that I can let you know how I feel.';





This is NOT normal behavior, and even a guy who can't catch a hint will recognize that this is really important to you.





Relate exactly what you have written in your question to him and let him know that you value his input and that you value WORKING TOGETHER on your finances.





When my bride and I started working together on our finances - THAT is the moment that we started winning with money!





In fact, I have went on a crusade to help others with their personal finances. You can read my daily blog at http://www.josephsangl.comHow do handle financial infidelity in a relationship?
First, you haven't said if you are married or not. If you are, this conversation is long overdue and you should have had it before you married.





Second, you need to have a conversation. It doesn't have to be an argument unless he makes it that way. Sit down with a budget and agree on it. Maybe cash is the way to go. According to the budget you each get $X to pay for what's in the budget. When the money's gone, it's gone, and you don't spend anymore.





There is nothing wrong and absolutely everything right with protecting your credit. Talk to a professional. Take him with you. Hearing from an impartial third party is probably going to be easier on him that you telling him he's messing up.





If you're not married, this should be a warning sign.





Then you need to sit down with yourself and have a talk. You say ';he carries the money so I never know what we have to work with because he won't tell me.'; Why are you letting him carry the money? Options: You could stop the direct deposit and cash the check yourself. Open a second account. Have a portion of your paycheck deposited into a savings account so that you can save money.
Financial ( Money ) arguments are the number 1 cause of divorce in America. It is one of the 4 essential things that couples need to agree apon. You need to sit down with him and explain your desire for having more communication over the finances.





Tell him that it would make you feel more loved if he could work with you on keeping the checking account straight and what you need him to do. then sit down with him once a week and balance the checkbook with him. You've got to make sure to enforce the fact that this does make you feel more loved and that when he does this you know he is doing it for you because he loves you even if he doesn't enjoy worrying about finances.





Many people have a worry gland that fills up when you have no control or idea what is happening. Having him help you will shirk up that worry gland, help you both order your finances and deepen your relationship. Put it those term, a little extra consideration on his part gives you both a positive outcome.





If he is not willing to do this for you both, then you may consider seeking counseling because he has issues other than financial infidelity and they need to be addressed before they compound into a big hairy problem.





I would also advise looking ad Dave Ramsey's website. He is a financial consultant that has a daytime radio show and several books on finances. Both my wife and I attended his seminar on Financial Peace University. Basically living debt free, which we are except for our house. It has greatly enhanced our marriage by not having to worry as much about money.





http://www.daveramsey.com/





Good luck!
yes you need your own bank account so you can each handle your finances seperatwly. if he is being secretive and not working cohesively with each other than you will grow to resent him in the future for spending ur earnings and not discussing it with you. def get you own account. try to map out a budget, of who pays what and when its due. how much you agree mutually to have as a minimum in checking and savings. this way you casn get on the road to financial recovery and stop putting yourself in debt thats unnecessary.
if you're not married, get all your money in accounts in your own name, now. if married, might take a little more finessing, but at a minimum set up your own account for paychecks to go into until he shows more responsibility
Have separate accounts and make him pay half of all bills.


Tell him when he can show more responsibility with his money you May want joint accounts again.





Don't let someone spend your money you work to hard for it.


Good luck
Sounds like he is using money to control you. If you are married, he might be spending money on something else as well... But, if not then, create 3 accounts, one for the everyday bills, one that you only have access to, and one that he has access to.