Dear readers...
I have been with my partner for 5 years. We never dated. We met in a cult and pretty much stuck to the no dating rules. LOL But we did become ';roommates'; and have been in a relationship living together ever since. After 6 months, we were kicked out of the group. I was in the cult for 5 years and my partner was only there for 2. So I was devastated and living in a city where I knew no one and my partner had many friends. From now on my partner will be referred to as Partner.
HISTORY
I did have a nervous breakdown from the first month we were kicked and was a sappy sort for almost 2 years about it. Despite all the friends that he introduced me to, I was still miserable. I became good friends with Partner's family and even Partner's first love and their fiancee and we would hang out a bit.
Eventually Partner got fed up with my misery and my want to go back to the cult that Partner started hanging with friends without me and connecting back with other friends. Then Partner ran across the EX Partner left to join the cult group. They had an affair and meet a few times. But when the lover wanted Partner to leave me, and I found out, Partner stopped all communication with EX.
I went to counseling and eventually got over not going back to the cult. We became to understand each other; that we had been together only a few months and we did not know each other well, that we did not expect each other to behave as we did. But we decided to work through it. I promised to work through my depression, and Partner was an open book with telephone records, passwords, bills, credit card usage... everything.
QUESTION
Now what I want to understand is this. Since Partner created the first sexual experience for ';EX'; years before I came around, and then with the affair, why should they keep in touch or why should they not keep in touch? I ask this because I want to be objective. I have de-virginized someone before and they still send me a message 10 years later that I can always go back to them. Of course- I would not consider it. I believe in staying friends with Exs because I believe that if you loved once then how could you not care later?
DISCUSSION
So now that Partner has proven faithful for 4 years I don't know how I feel about Partner keeping in touch with EX. But it is up for discussion. Here are the sides.
SIDE 1
EX does have an early treatable cancer and still wants Partner to leave me. Partner feels that Partner proves love for me, is not distracted by EX, our future is priority, and that Partner can have friends without acting inappropriate. Partner adds that because of Ex's first time that Ex will never forget Partner. Partner feels that this should not be a big deal because the only intentions that matter, ours, are clear. (And for those that ask why are we not married legally - we don't believe in the relationship between government and marriage. It's not like marriage stops infidelity anyway. HAHAHA)
SIDE 2
FEAR! FEAR!! This might turn into something that I can't control. And that it might change my life. Acting possessive, jealous, and insecure will only break us quicker. Maybe I feel resentment that I must accept.
What do the reader think?Does Virginity Matter that much?
You must demand that he stop communicating with her in any way. You're depressed because you're being treated like crap. If he refuses to stop talking to the EX, then you'll have to leave.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
Just to add... because of a previous answer I got... I do help with the dog and I do love the thing, and this is not all about a dog, its about 6 years of suppressed anger, please read on...
OK I'm going to leave out all the unimportant details or i'd be typing all day here... I'm in need of some serious advice. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married since June 27th 2009. Once we got married it was like it all went downhill from there. We were in the process of building a house which finally completed on Aug 27th 2009 and we moved in the following weekend. Ever since we'd been in the house it was nothing but fighting fighting fighting... arguing over very stupid stuff and just kinda picking at eachother. Well on sept 27th there was a huge blow out in the middle of the night in regards to the puppy ( a pit bull) my husband decided to get which I said i was ok with as long as he took care of it... I have too much other stress to deal with a puppy, well he wouldn't get up and let the dog out even though he didn't have to work the next day and I did and it ended up being a complete blow out because he thought I should've done it because his birthday was the next day... The next 3 days were horrible. We fought every night, screaming matches... he left the next 3 nights in a row and I basically went nuts, no joke... sat with our 2 year old daughter on his moving car to get him to stay. Well I ended up admitting myself into the psych ward on Oct 1st because of advice from close family, friends and of course my husband. Well come to find out, the whole time I was in the hospital he was partyin it up and pawning our daughter off on grandparents. The night he dropped me off when he left he went to a well known night club where we live and ran into his high school girlfriends brother, got her phone number and texted her all night including a text saying he thought he might be ';going through the big D and didn't mean dallas.'; 2 days later he texted her inviting her to hang out with him. I found out about this all in my own ways and he admitted to it. He says my going to the hospital was my way to cope and his way to cope was to rebel. I have been a very controlling untrusting jealous person throughout our entire relationship all due to things that have happened to me in the past. I have since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He did nothing more than text the girl and did not hang out with her, but because of infidelity in a previous relationship of mine and my promise to myself to never put myself through this again, I continue to struggle. I know most of your responses will be get rid of him, but something i haven't quite explained here is what a good man he really is. He has put up with a lot from me in the last 6 years and I think we both had our breaking points at the same time. His actions were completely and utterly out of character for him. Everyone who knew him was completely baffled by what he had done. I got out of the psych ward and I have a new outlook on life. I am currently ungergoing EMDR treatments for the BPD and am in counseling regularly. My husband buys me cards, flowers praises me everyday, apologizes everyday, says he is more in love with me now than ever... I have a hard time believeing him, but shouldn't I?? He'd be gone if he didn't want to be with me. No one is holding him hostage... I don't know how to forgive him for what he did. I know I did a lot to him, but what he did put a huge hole in my heart and if any of you know anythign about BPD I go from mad to sad at the drop of a hat and one minute I want to cry about it, one minute I am full of rage. I cry about it and he lets me verbally bash him when I get this way, takes it like a man because he knows what he did was wrong. I want to stop punishing him for rebelling after my years of mistreating him and I want to forgive what he did although I may never forget... I know I am rambling and this is a long story, thanks to all who took the time to read and thanks for any advice any of you can give. I am torn and lost and not sure which direction to go here... Please no verbal bashing... not good for me right now.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
I think you might want to continue your therapy and medication(if you are on any) before making any decisions about your marriage.If you just recently started treatment, you certainly have to give your therapy some time to really work out your past issues. You do not sound as though you really know what you want right now. On one hand you say you are to blame, and then you state that you do not know how to forgive him. I can only tell you that if your marriage is going to last, trust between the two of you must be unconditional. I think there are plenty od issues here and time will only tell. You might want your husband to go into marriage counseling too. It usually takes two to create problems, and two people to save a marriage.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
Listen to yourself. You were both wrong. When you get upset go do something, release the energy. Keep yourself busy. Talk to friends, make new friends. You may not feel up to it but do it every day. Pray. God bless you.
I suggest you call a marriage counselor before your marriage gets any more out of hand. You go first and bring him later.
OK I'm going to leave out all the unimportant details or i'd be typing all day here... I'm in need of some serious advice. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married since June 27th 2009. Once we got married it was like it all went downhill from there. We were in the process of building a house which finally completed on Aug 27th 2009 and we moved in the following weekend. Ever since we'd been in the house it was nothing but fighting fighting fighting... arguing over very stupid stuff and just kinda picking at eachother. Well on sept 27th there was a huge blow out in the middle of the night in regards to the puppy ( a pit bull) my husband decided to get which I said i was ok with as long as he took care of it... I have too much other stress to deal with a puppy, well he wouldn't get up and let the dog out even though he didn't have to work the next day and I did and it ended up being a complete blow out because he thought I should've done it because his birthday was the next day... The next 3 days were horrible. We fought every night, screaming matches... he left the next 3 nights in a row and I basically went nuts, no joke... sat with our 2 year old daughter on his moving car to get him to stay. Well I ended up admitting myself into the psych ward on Oct 1st because of advice from close family, friends and of course my husband. Well come to find out, the whole time I was in the hospital he was partyin it up and pawning our daughter off on grandparents. The night he dropped me off when he left he went to a well known night club where we live and ran into his high school girlfriends brother, got her phone number and texted her all night including a text saying he thought he might be ';going through the big D and didn't mean dallas.'; 2 days later he texted her inviting her to hang out with him. I found out about this all in my own ways and he admitted to it. He says my going to the hospital was my way to cope and his way to cope was to rebel. I have been a very controlling untrusting jealous person throughout our entire relationship all due to things that have happened to me in the past. I have since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He did nothing more than text the girl and did not hang out with her, but because of infidelity in a previous relationship of mine and my promise to myself to never put myself through this again, I continue to struggle. I know most of your responses will be get rid of him, but something i haven't quite explained here is what a good man he really is. He has put up with a lot from me in the last 6 years and I think we both had our breaking points at the same time. His actions were completely and utterly out of character for him. Everyone who knew him was completely baffled by what he had done. I got out of the psych ward and I have a new outlook on life. I am currently ungergoing EMDR treatments for the BPD and am in counseling regularly. My husband buys me cards, flowers praises me everyday, apologizes everyday, says he is more in love with me now than ever... I have a hard time believeing him, but shouldn't I?? He'd be gone if he didn't want to be with me. No one is holding him hostage... I don't know how to forgive him for what he did. I know I did a lot to him, but what he did put a huge hole in my heart and if any of you know anythign about BPD I go from mad to sad at the drop of a hat and one minute I want to cry about it, one minute I am full of rage. I cry about it and he lets me verbally bash him when I get this way, takes it like a man because he knows what he did was wrong. I want to stop punishing him for rebelling after my years of mistreating him and I want to forgive what he did although I may never forget... I know I am rambling and this is a long story, thanks to all who took the time to read and thanks for any advice any of you can give. I am torn and lost and not sure which direction to go here... Please no verbal bashing... not good for me right now.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
I think you might want to continue your therapy and medication(if you are on any) before making any decisions about your marriage.If you just recently started treatment, you certainly have to give your therapy some time to really work out your past issues. You do not sound as though you really know what you want right now. On one hand you say you are to blame, and then you state that you do not know how to forgive him. I can only tell you that if your marriage is going to last, trust between the two of you must be unconditional. I think there are plenty od issues here and time will only tell. You might want your husband to go into marriage counseling too. It usually takes two to create problems, and two people to save a marriage.Ok,some good answers but one that really made it worse, anyone have any encouraging words?
Listen to yourself. You were both wrong. When you get upset go do something, release the energy. Keep yourself busy. Talk to friends, make new friends. You may not feel up to it but do it every day. Pray. God bless you.
I suggest you call a marriage counselor before your marriage gets any more out of hand. You go first and bring him later.
Physically Spazzing on Manipulating Boyfriend Who Wouldnt Leave Me Alone?
How is one to behave when they have had enough? When you get to that point where you realize just how far someone has pushed you outside of your personality and sound mind? When a female becomes pregnant twice, afraid, neglected, miscarries, has numerous surgical removals of he child, and is made to feel like her sorrow is ridiculous and she should get over it and want to go for a walk in the park the day after her losses鈥ow is that female to carry that? When she moves hours away from her element in attempts to secure her relationship after being made to feel like she made things worse by being so far away, how does she rebuild? When she becomes suspicious and her gut tells her that he鈥檚 cheating on her while he insists that he鈥檚 being faithful, how does she clear the fog in her head? When she starts seeing more obvious signs of infidelity and confronts him, only for him to make her feel as though she鈥檚 insecure, paranoid, and should see a shrink, how does she confirm her sanity? When she wants to leave because she feels herself slipping, but is unable because she doesn鈥檛 have the money to, and has to allow him to come and go as he pleases, how does she maintain her former sense of independence? When she starts to break down inside because she cant understand how anyone could be so cruel to her, how can she avoid accepting that she may have to deal with this until she is financially stable? When her overwhelming grief and loneliness over losses of children, complete alienation by he who says he cares for her, and knowledge that she allowed this to ruin her pathway to a PhD, how can she stay calm?
How is one to behave when the moment comes in which her every suspicion is finally confirmed? When you realize that you were no more than a house pet to use at his convenience for years鈥hen he blames you for his cheating and disrespect鈥?When you register that this mind warping has gone on for this long and he took advantage of all you could possibly do for him鈥hen you realize that from all surgeries your chances of conceiving with someone who could truly love you have been shot..when you feel like you gave and gave and he took advantage of all things I hold dear鈥fter it all, you ask him to get away from you and quit hurting and he still wont leave鈥hen it all ends in a physical struggle because youre thinking about everything you鈥檝e lost, but still holding on to a shred of dignity in knowing im still alive through all of this鈥hen he throws you across the room when you insist that he leaves and you retaliate in defense of your physical pain and everything he鈥檚 put you thru鈥hen youre at work the next day bruised, limping, and in shock that it actually led to something like this鈥?br>
Why is it that I still feel like everything is my fault and that it was wrong to finally fight back? All the lying, the cheating, the alienation for so long鈥?allowing me to feel crazy and cry to sleep at night because he wont go away, but he can never love me or what was to be my children鈥 feel like I should be the one to apologize, but I know I didn鈥檛 do anything wrong outside of that last aggressive incident鈥?br>
And how can someone tear another down for so long if they can never love them anyway?
I know I sound pathetic to have let this happen鈥ut I still feel like I did something wrong in hitting him.Physically Spazzing on Manipulating Boyfriend Who Wouldnt Leave Me Alone?
Frist off you know why no one answered you but good old Brutal Honesty? BECUASE most people are doing the same thing! You know how you feel like YOU failed? YOU DID!!!!!! GREATLY!!!!!! You actually spent the whole darn thing explaining to me (because I can see how relationships actually work) how you FAILED YOURSELF!!!!!! Thats right, man you hate yourself, no offense, your anger at you for something, not being pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, somethings allowing you to kick your own butt so that you were willing to tolerate this behavior. Also yes the big fight was wrong becuase that propietates you loving him. Which your not going to understand because you don't understand the true nature of love. You thought love was enough, this is the lesson you need to learn';
LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH, NEVER, NEVER EVER!!!!! ITS HOW YOU LOVE, HOW, H O W!!!!!! THAT TRULY MATTERS!!!!!!!!!
You see how that works, you based your entire relaitonship with the assumption that love would help you thru it. What you didn't see is that he didn't have any intentions of changing HOW he loves you, he was contempt in abusing you and neglecting you, becuase YOU ARE THE SAME WAY TO YOURSELF!!!! He took advantage of your weakness of self, weather he realized that or not isn't the points, so people get these skills from their parents. All that aside you think to much to justify your own self neglect in attemps to keep this guy around. Shoot I have an extra room in southeast oklahoma I could keep you up in until you figure this crap out, but lets not go there. The point is THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT!!!!!! YOU KEPT YOURSELF FROM SEEING A WAY OUT!!!!! So this is all your fault I can't say that enough, you won't see that for sometime, the cool thing is thou, your smart enough to feel it. So ether you CUT him out of your life, or your still loving him, your stilling failing you, and that makes it your fault. Which means this whole hell you've lived with, is your fault because you picked him, sorry that would be your frist step in recovery.
Sorry but true love, true friendship is about understanding a person enough to know when to brow-beat them, and when to give them a great big hug. This guy, you should of know to leave. So I'm going to brow-beat you, if you do, man I got a hug for you!need help with itchy pubic hair loan
How is one to behave when the moment comes in which her every suspicion is finally confirmed? When you realize that you were no more than a house pet to use at his convenience for years鈥hen he blames you for his cheating and disrespect鈥?When you register that this mind warping has gone on for this long and he took advantage of all you could possibly do for him鈥hen you realize that from all surgeries your chances of conceiving with someone who could truly love you have been shot..when you feel like you gave and gave and he took advantage of all things I hold dear鈥fter it all, you ask him to get away from you and quit hurting and he still wont leave鈥hen it all ends in a physical struggle because youre thinking about everything you鈥檝e lost, but still holding on to a shred of dignity in knowing im still alive through all of this鈥hen he throws you across the room when you insist that he leaves and you retaliate in defense of your physical pain and everything he鈥檚 put you thru鈥hen youre at work the next day bruised, limping, and in shock that it actually led to something like this鈥?br>
Why is it that I still feel like everything is my fault and that it was wrong to finally fight back? All the lying, the cheating, the alienation for so long鈥?allowing me to feel crazy and cry to sleep at night because he wont go away, but he can never love me or what was to be my children鈥 feel like I should be the one to apologize, but I know I didn鈥檛 do anything wrong outside of that last aggressive incident鈥?br>
And how can someone tear another down for so long if they can never love them anyway?
I know I sound pathetic to have let this happen鈥ut I still feel like I did something wrong in hitting him.Physically Spazzing on Manipulating Boyfriend Who Wouldnt Leave Me Alone?
Frist off you know why no one answered you but good old Brutal Honesty? BECUASE most people are doing the same thing! You know how you feel like YOU failed? YOU DID!!!!!! GREATLY!!!!!! You actually spent the whole darn thing explaining to me (because I can see how relationships actually work) how you FAILED YOURSELF!!!!!! Thats right, man you hate yourself, no offense, your anger at you for something, not being pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, somethings allowing you to kick your own butt so that you were willing to tolerate this behavior. Also yes the big fight was wrong becuase that propietates you loving him. Which your not going to understand because you don't understand the true nature of love. You thought love was enough, this is the lesson you need to learn';
LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH, NEVER, NEVER EVER!!!!! ITS HOW YOU LOVE, HOW, H O W!!!!!! THAT TRULY MATTERS!!!!!!!!!
You see how that works, you based your entire relaitonship with the assumption that love would help you thru it. What you didn't see is that he didn't have any intentions of changing HOW he loves you, he was contempt in abusing you and neglecting you, becuase YOU ARE THE SAME WAY TO YOURSELF!!!! He took advantage of your weakness of self, weather he realized that or not isn't the points, so people get these skills from their parents. All that aside you think to much to justify your own self neglect in attemps to keep this guy around. Shoot I have an extra room in southeast oklahoma I could keep you up in until you figure this crap out, but lets not go there. The point is THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT!!!!!! YOU KEPT YOURSELF FROM SEEING A WAY OUT!!!!! So this is all your fault I can't say that enough, you won't see that for sometime, the cool thing is thou, your smart enough to feel it. So ether you CUT him out of your life, or your still loving him, your stilling failing you, and that makes it your fault. Which means this whole hell you've lived with, is your fault because you picked him, sorry that would be your frist step in recovery.
Sorry but true love, true friendship is about understanding a person enough to know when to brow-beat them, and when to give them a great big hug. This guy, you should of know to leave. So I'm going to brow-beat you, if you do, man I got a hug for you!
What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
Senator McCain loves to tell the story of how McCain dreamed of his wife and children while he was a POW in Vietnam. Most people assume that Cindy McCain is the wife in question. However, he would have actually been thinking of his first wife, Carol McCain. She was a successful swimwear model when she became Mrs. John McCain back in 1965.
When McCain returned from Vietnam in 1973, he found out that she had been disfigured in a car crash. Doctors were forced to cut away portions of her legs and she went from 5′9″ to 5′4″. Instead of standing by his wife, Senator McCain divorced her and 18 months later married Cindy McCain who was of course the heir to a beer fortune. He promised to pay Carol’s medical bills for life as part of their divorce, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that he abandoned his wife. When he returned, he said that he was happy to see his wife, though his friends say that in secret, Senator McCain was “‘appalled’ by the change in her appearance.”
In 1979, Senator McCain cheated on Carol with his current wife Cindy McCain. One of Carol’s friends explains how she rationalized his infidelity:
‘Carol didn’t fight him. She felt her infirmity made her an impediment to him. She justified his actions because of all he had gone through. She used to say, “He just wants to make up for lost time.”’
Another friend points out that:
‘He was very generous to her in the divorce but of course he could afford to be, since he was marrying Cindy,’
His marriage to Cindy not only gave McCain a beer fortune, but also gave him even greater political connections which enabled him to become Senator McCain. Ted Sampley, who fought with the US Special Forces and campaigns for veteran rights explained Senator McCain:
“I have been following John McCain’s career for nearly 20 years. I know him personally. There is something wrong with this guy and let me tell you what it is – deceit. When he came home and saw that Carol was not the beauty he left behind, he started running around on her almost right away. Everybody around him knew it. Eventually he met Cindy and she was young and beautiful and very wealthy. At that point McCain just dumped Carol for something he thought was better. This is a guy who makes such a big deal about his character. He has no character. He is a fake. If there was any character in that first marriage, it all belonged to Carol.”
Ross Perot, the Texas businessman and former Presidential candidate paid for Carol’s medical bills while McCain was a POW weighed in with his thoughts about McCain:
“McCain is the classic opportunist. He’s always reaching for attention and glory, after he came home, Carol walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona. And the rest is history.”
Yet he’s widely believed to be the candidate who represents family values rather than Senator Obama who is married to his first and only wife with two children.
http://quixoticjournal.wordpress.com/200…What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
Mc Cain is dirt. His integrity is not intact. As for ';Christian Values'; HaHa. He can not answer a straight question with a srtaight answer when questioned on religeon. He has a couple of stories he tells but never answers the question. He has Christian values during election time only. Don't be fooled by this snake. Ask Carol.What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
So...he was taking out a marriage license before the ink was dry on the divorce papers, well that seals the deal for me.
It is also unbecoming of Christians to curse people and he has done that publicly during the hearings on POWs. He has a reputation for having a bad temper. We don't need a leader like that.
Quotations from books are, by their nature, opinionated. Not that I disagree with the above.. I am not in a position to use this as factual information.
I can find records that show 6 months ago, James Dobson was emphatic that he would not endorse McCain. Within the last month, he has turned this around, presumably with the addition of Palin.
Smacks of being bought.. and I'll be clear that is my opinion.
I would ASSUME McCain's personal beliefs are the same today as before .If he wasn't good enough before Palin, then he should not be ';good enough'; now. Crappy way to choose a Presidential candidate.
McCain's first wife supports him and they are good friends now. She knew that when he came home from the war he was a changed man--and she was a changed woman. They fell out of love. It happens--ALL THE TIME. Look at this war we are in right now. The divorce rate amongst Iraq vets is high. Infidelity is high. Have you ever seen the movie or read the book ';Jarhead';? That **** goes on ALL the time. It is an unfortunate circumstance of war sometimes.
When McCain returned from Vietnam in 1973, he found out that she had been disfigured in a car crash. Doctors were forced to cut away portions of her legs and she went from 5′9″ to 5′4″. Instead of standing by his wife, Senator McCain divorced her and 18 months later married Cindy McCain who was of course the heir to a beer fortune. He promised to pay Carol’s medical bills for life as part of their divorce, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that he abandoned his wife. When he returned, he said that he was happy to see his wife, though his friends say that in secret, Senator McCain was “‘appalled’ by the change in her appearance.”
In 1979, Senator McCain cheated on Carol with his current wife Cindy McCain. One of Carol’s friends explains how she rationalized his infidelity:
‘Carol didn’t fight him. She felt her infirmity made her an impediment to him. She justified his actions because of all he had gone through. She used to say, “He just wants to make up for lost time.”’
Another friend points out that:
‘He was very generous to her in the divorce but of course he could afford to be, since he was marrying Cindy,’
His marriage to Cindy not only gave McCain a beer fortune, but also gave him even greater political connections which enabled him to become Senator McCain. Ted Sampley, who fought with the US Special Forces and campaigns for veteran rights explained Senator McCain:
“I have been following John McCain’s career for nearly 20 years. I know him personally. There is something wrong with this guy and let me tell you what it is – deceit. When he came home and saw that Carol was not the beauty he left behind, he started running around on her almost right away. Everybody around him knew it. Eventually he met Cindy and she was young and beautiful and very wealthy. At that point McCain just dumped Carol for something he thought was better. This is a guy who makes such a big deal about his character. He has no character. He is a fake. If there was any character in that first marriage, it all belonged to Carol.”
Ross Perot, the Texas businessman and former Presidential candidate paid for Carol’s medical bills while McCain was a POW weighed in with his thoughts about McCain:
“McCain is the classic opportunist. He’s always reaching for attention and glory, after he came home, Carol walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona. And the rest is history.”
Yet he’s widely believed to be the candidate who represents family values rather than Senator Obama who is married to his first and only wife with two children.
http://quixoticjournal.wordpress.com/200…What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
Mc Cain is dirt. His integrity is not intact. As for ';Christian Values'; HaHa. He can not answer a straight question with a srtaight answer when questioned on religeon. He has a couple of stories he tells but never answers the question. He has Christian values during election time only. Don't be fooled by this snake. Ask Carol.What Do You Think of McCain's New Christian Values?
So...he was taking out a marriage license before the ink was dry on the divorce papers, well that seals the deal for me.
It is also unbecoming of Christians to curse people and he has done that publicly during the hearings on POWs. He has a reputation for having a bad temper. We don't need a leader like that.
Quotations from books are, by their nature, opinionated. Not that I disagree with the above.. I am not in a position to use this as factual information.
I can find records that show 6 months ago, James Dobson was emphatic that he would not endorse McCain. Within the last month, he has turned this around, presumably with the addition of Palin.
Smacks of being bought.. and I'll be clear that is my opinion.
I would ASSUME McCain's personal beliefs are the same today as before .If he wasn't good enough before Palin, then he should not be ';good enough'; now. Crappy way to choose a Presidential candidate.
McCain's first wife supports him and they are good friends now. She knew that when he came home from the war he was a changed man--and she was a changed woman. They fell out of love. It happens--ALL THE TIME. Look at this war we are in right now. The divorce rate amongst Iraq vets is high. Infidelity is high. Have you ever seen the movie or read the book ';Jarhead';? That **** goes on ALL the time. It is an unfortunate circumstance of war sometimes.
Questions about Separation in Marriage?
I have asked for a Separation from my husband..We have been together 8 years. We have had lots of problems, sickness and in health, infidelity, flirting. Our communication is very open and honest when we take the time to do it. we talked about having an open marriage. I am bi-sexual. So alot is going on and it has gotten out of control. I kept telling him Im not sure if i wanted to continue, that i wanted space. I have never really been on my own. Started my adult life with one serious relationship that went bad and then i met him and we married. But when i told him these things he blew me off and he ignored me. So I went ahead and found my own place at least for a little while. We are very devoted to caring and sharing custody of our two small children. We worked opposite shifts to care for them(couldnt afford childcare) and so we are pretty much doing the same thing. Rarely seen each other. I have been begging for a change but he doenst work with me so now im teetering on divorce but for now this is a way to see how we do apart. He is a bit bitter right now but I dont want a legal separation-because it costs to file. Instead i just want to work it out amongst ourselves. Is this smart? Do i still wear my wedding band? How do i deal with friends and family/inlaws. Is it okay to go out to dinner if someone asks me or to hang out with other single friends? What is the best way to know if it is reconcilable?
Im going slow--really jaded on relationships right now. I just dont believe that love lasts anymore, and those vows just dont seem relavant to this day and age. : (Questions about Separation in Marriage?
What do you hope to accomplish by separating?
Trying to work on problems in the marriage when you're not together is like practicing a golf swing without a club.
I'm going to be straight with you. (no pun intended) Your marriage is doomed, and your actions are making sure of that. Separations are a death sentence to a marriage. They are like a learner's permit to be single again, and they're rarely used for what they're intended ~ which is to resolve some personal issues so that you can work on the marriage.Questions about Separation in Marriage?
The first question I think I know the answer to.
Why don't you know what he feels (except for a bit bitter)? Why don't you care what kids will feel?
It's all about you - wedding band, friends, dinners. I hope you see the pattern. That you already threw everybody out of the family you promised to be part of. That there's no talk about what husband and kids need. You want answers for you, alone and single.
Make decisions for a whole family. Not one that's broke up because you decided.
It doesn't matter what you have had sex with (or want to have sex with). Or how you have a rebound marriage. Or that you're jaded or don't believe.
There was love. I like the feeling of what that was like - you and him. The way you guys care for the kids is an image of that. That's why I think you ought to try...some more. He's no Dr. Phil and definitely no saint. Women don't follow him because he's some great catch.
But he belongs to you...as much as the kids. They're all your family.
Shift work pushed over the top the normal problems you guys would have worked out. Night shifts make people bad (been there, done that). Take out the energy it takes to love and care for kids the right way with taking care of a house and the loneliness of your shifts and...bam, there's nothing left for each other after basic survival. There's nobody left to take care of the mommy or daddy.
You wore yourselves out. It was beyond your endurance. It wasn't you guys. Sure, learning how to talk and give is good. But it won't help unless some major piece of work drops out. Somebody's got to give up a job to take care of a family. Otherwise all you have is two separated, single parents trying to do even more with much less.
Check out the self-help books for saving a marriage (library free). Find no-cost counseling. They're all good in their own way. But somebody's got to give up the job to save this family.
Im going slow--really jaded on relationships right now. I just dont believe that love lasts anymore, and those vows just dont seem relavant to this day and age. : (Questions about Separation in Marriage?
What do you hope to accomplish by separating?
Trying to work on problems in the marriage when you're not together is like practicing a golf swing without a club.
I'm going to be straight with you. (no pun intended) Your marriage is doomed, and your actions are making sure of that. Separations are a death sentence to a marriage. They are like a learner's permit to be single again, and they're rarely used for what they're intended ~ which is to resolve some personal issues so that you can work on the marriage.Questions about Separation in Marriage?
The first question I think I know the answer to.
Why don't you know what he feels (except for a bit bitter)? Why don't you care what kids will feel?
It's all about you - wedding band, friends, dinners. I hope you see the pattern. That you already threw everybody out of the family you promised to be part of. That there's no talk about what husband and kids need. You want answers for you, alone and single.
Make decisions for a whole family. Not one that's broke up because you decided.
It doesn't matter what you have had sex with (or want to have sex with). Or how you have a rebound marriage. Or that you're jaded or don't believe.
There was love. I like the feeling of what that was like - you and him. The way you guys care for the kids is an image of that. That's why I think you ought to try...some more. He's no Dr. Phil and definitely no saint. Women don't follow him because he's some great catch.
But he belongs to you...as much as the kids. They're all your family.
Shift work pushed over the top the normal problems you guys would have worked out. Night shifts make people bad (been there, done that). Take out the energy it takes to love and care for kids the right way with taking care of a house and the loneliness of your shifts and...bam, there's nothing left for each other after basic survival. There's nobody left to take care of the mommy or daddy.
You wore yourselves out. It was beyond your endurance. It wasn't you guys. Sure, learning how to talk and give is good. But it won't help unless some major piece of work drops out. Somebody's got to give up a job to take care of a family. Otherwise all you have is two separated, single parents trying to do even more with much less.
Check out the self-help books for saving a marriage (library free). Find no-cost counseling. They're all good in their own way. But somebody's got to give up the job to save this family.
Mother in law advice?
ok I need help, I have a mother in law who used to be my best friend/ aside from my hubby. She was awesome. Long story short, she did a lot of horrible things, ended up divorcing my f.i.l and blaming everything on him and ';his infidelity'; when come to find out it was actually the other way around. It has really hurt a lot of people but she is now remarried to a man nobody really cares for, she is sneaky and manipulative, and blames others for her doing. I havn't spoken to her in almost a year. We have moved recently and have a one year old little boy now, the problem is that we live next door to the grandparents, (her parents) and they keep trying to force us to love/ like her. They don't know what she's done and we don't want to upset them by telling them, (they are very stuck in their was and probably wouldn't believe us anyhow). The big problem is now she is coming up for a visit for over a week and will know if I am home or not obviously. I can't hide, but I can hardly stand to be around her and her ';husband'; who by the way picked up my five month old BY THE WRIST to move him!!! He should not be around children, he's a careless clumsy oaff around them. I don't know what to do. OH! and to top it all off, another soon to be sister in law is also coming and my darling mother n law told her that I (in reality she) said all of these nasty things about her, which were comments that I might have agreed with, but that originated out of her mouth!!! How do I deal with my brother in law, his soon to be wife, (who probably hate me) and my ';darling sweet innocent'; mother in law?????Mother in law advice?
Ask the grandparents to please stop pushing your mother-in-law on you. Explain that you don't care to discuss it any further, but that things have happened to have caused a strain in the relationship between you and her.
Don't even try to hide when she comes to visit. If she shows up at your door, crack open the door and tell her that you don't feel you and her are at a place in your relationship that you would feel comfortable inviting her in. Just say ';too much has happened and I really don't care to socialize with you';. Close the door and go about your day.
Don't let this woman and her husband steal any more of your time or energy. Go on with your life and don't waste another minute thinking about her, her husband or things she's said or done. She doesn't deserve it. I guarantee she's not spending any of her time or energy thinking about you.
If you want to have a favorable relationship with your brother-in-law and his soon to be wife, then you should make amends now. Apologize for your part in the conversation with your mother-in-law and simply explain that she had twisted things. If you do have issues with your future sister-in-law, now may be the time to straighten them out.
Good LuckMother in law advice?
Sounds like the perfect week to go to the beach or visit your parents. Take the kids.
I'm sure your family would love to see you that exact week the mother in law is visiting.
I'd go on vacation that week, somewhere far away from these looneys.
just tell here
You do not have to have anything to do with these people. You do not have to let them in if you are home or not. Tell her parents when they pressure you NO we are not doing that and we have our reason. Tell them that they do not know the extent of what went on and what goes on. Tell that that your decision is made and not open for discussion and then do not let it be. They cannot force you to do anything that you do not want to do.
Ask the grandparents to please stop pushing your mother-in-law on you. Explain that you don't care to discuss it any further, but that things have happened to have caused a strain in the relationship between you and her.
Don't even try to hide when she comes to visit. If she shows up at your door, crack open the door and tell her that you don't feel you and her are at a place in your relationship that you would feel comfortable inviting her in. Just say ';too much has happened and I really don't care to socialize with you';. Close the door and go about your day.
Don't let this woman and her husband steal any more of your time or energy. Go on with your life and don't waste another minute thinking about her, her husband or things she's said or done. She doesn't deserve it. I guarantee she's not spending any of her time or energy thinking about you.
If you want to have a favorable relationship with your brother-in-law and his soon to be wife, then you should make amends now. Apologize for your part in the conversation with your mother-in-law and simply explain that she had twisted things. If you do have issues with your future sister-in-law, now may be the time to straighten them out.
Good LuckMother in law advice?
Sounds like the perfect week to go to the beach or visit your parents. Take the kids.
I'm sure your family would love to see you that exact week the mother in law is visiting.
I'd go on vacation that week, somewhere far away from these looneys.
just tell here
You do not have to have anything to do with these people. You do not have to let them in if you are home or not. Tell her parents when they pressure you NO we are not doing that and we have our reason. Tell them that they do not know the extent of what went on and what goes on. Tell that that your decision is made and not open for discussion and then do not let it be. They cannot force you to do anything that you do not want to do.
Just a random hookup or?
So for the last year and a half this guy I work with and I have been ';hooking up'; on the side. Don't judge just yet. Neither one of us are in relationships so there's no infidelity involved. However, for the last year and a half it's been great. No emotional ties, just sex. But that last time we hooked up he started confessing that he has developed feelings for me and wants it to move forward and become more exclusive. I made it very clear in the beginning that this would be nothing more than sex, and for the longest time that's all it was. DAMMIT! This wasn't supposed to happen!!! Now things with us are awkward at work and I'm not sure how to deal with this. He's my friend first and foremost, but now there are feelings involved and I still don't want a relationship. HELP!Just a random hookup or?
Sorry, no way to help you out of this one. If you truly do not have those feelings for him, tell him that. Be gentle, say you're sorry, you never expected this and then stop hooking up! If you continue, you'd just be taking advantage of him and a real friend would never do that.
Sorry, no way to help you out of this one. If you truly do not have those feelings for him, tell him that. Be gentle, say you're sorry, you never expected this and then stop hooking up! If you continue, you'd just be taking advantage of him and a real friend would never do that.
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